Rave

Wedding Cake Face Smashing

Whose dumb idea was this, anyway?

My newly minted husband, Steve, said something about smashing cake in my face. Without a flinch or a flicker, I said he could if he wanted to because we had just left a church from having a wedding and just as easily turn around and go back for his funeral after the party.

Needless to say, he didn’t smash my face with cake.

This memory was brought to me by none other than Gillian Sisley herself when I saw her piece, Cake-Smearing a Bride Should Be an Immediate Cause for Divorce.

But there is one detail that, no matter how long you plan or how clear you are with instructions, is still a loose cannon . . .

It’s your Groom.

For me, I just didn’t want to have to spend my wedding day blowing cake out of my nose. Or having well-intentioned reception attendees constantly leaning in towards me with a, “Here. You’ve got a little piece of cake on your eyelashes.”

But for Gillian, it went much deeper.

This face of makeup wasn’t painted on by a third-grader, goddammit.

According to Martha Stewart, the gatekeeper of all knowledge good and evil.

Traditionally, couples feed each other cake to symbolize their commitment to provide for each other. A sweet gesture, but there’s a mischievous part of the tradition that appears much more often in history.

For instance, brides in ancient Rome had barley cake crumbled onto her heads to symbolize both male dominance and future fertility. In Yorkshire, however, a bride would have a taste of her cake and then throw the rest over her head; hopefully, this would mean a life empty of want. Newlyweds in medieval England kissed for the first time over a large pile of buns, ensuring a wealthy future. Nowadays, some couples choose to embrace tradition-they cut the cake together, feed a piece to their new spouse, and then smear cake and icing across their beloved’s face. Other couples, however, have chosen to eschew this messy tradition.

Check out Gillian’s comical take on this “tradition” here.