Wearing Pink G-strings And No Deodorant Has Improved My Earnings

Summary

The article humorously suggests that wearing pink g-strings and forgoing deodorant has led to increased earnings for the author on Medium.

Abstract

The author of the article shares an unconventional strategy for success on Medium, claiming that donning pink g-strings and avoiding the use of deodorant has improved their financial earnings from writing. The piece is satirical, using hyperbole and humor to suggest that these eccentric behaviors have contributed to their financial success, with the underlying implication that standing out and minimizing distractions can lead to productivity and success. The author playfully encourages readers to adopt similar practices to achieve wealth, promising a life of luxury and inviting them to join the author in Lake Como.

Opinions

The author believes in the power of unconventional methods to achieve success, albeit in a satirical manner.
They suggest that certain colors, like pink, can have a psychological impact on readers, implying that it can lead to a more engaged audience.
The author humorously compares their writing strategy to the earnings of strippers based on their underwear choices, implying a metaphor for attracting attention and rewards.
They express a preference for solitude to increase productivity, jokingly suggesting that a lack of personal hygiene can deter visitors and allow for more focused writing time.
The author playfully promotes the idea of frugality by mentioning the cost savings of not using deodorant, tying it to the overall theme of increasing one's wealth.

I want you to be a millionaire too

Yes, this is a thong. But it got your attention, didn’t it? Photo by Antonio Friedemann from Pexels

Some secrets are meant to be shared. You don’t need to know about my genital warts in the shape of Putin’s missile. Or the time I pissed all over that bus driver in Croatia. Yeah, not every little confidence needs to be revealed.

But this one? For sure. Because I want you to be a millionaire, too.

And I need friends. It’s too damn challenging most days to finish a whole case of Goldschläger — alone.

Here’s how it works.

I keep hearing about what folks here on Medium do to up their earnings. Here is what I do — and how it works.

I don’t believe that stepping on a crack will spontaneously combust my mother’s spine. Only once after I sat at a table with 12 other folks did I end up in ER with a busted spleen. But this shit? It’s based on pure science. Here is why wearing pink g-strings and giving up deodorant have upped my Medium earnings.

Pink G-strings

“Why pink?” you inquire, eyeing up the beluga eggs I’ve just had flown in from the southern Caspian Sea. “Traditionally it’s the color green that’s associated with moola.”

“Well,” I respond, eating the last bite of caviar, despite your drooling and hints. “It’s true that typically pink is linked with ‘feminine’ qualities such as ‘softness, kindness, nurturance, and compassion’. Did you know that some prisons use a shade called ‘drunk take pink’ to gentle the jailbirds within?”

“So, wait,” you say, a look of adorable confusion highlighting your perfect cheekbones. “You’re lulling us into submission? You’re literally shoving a pink piece of floss into your bountiful ass in order that we conform and comply and…”

“…read my stories? Uh huh.” I am not beyond subconscious bribery.

“And why g-strings?” you want to know. “Why not thongs? Boy shorts? Granny panties?”

It’s actually not that complicated.

Strippers who wear g-strings make more money than those who don granny panties.

I apply that concept to writing and Voilà! Bitcoin in the bank, Baby!

SATIRE

Wearing Pink G-strings And No Deodorant Has Improved My Earnings

I want you to be a millionaire too

Here’s how it works.

Pink G-strings

No deodorant

Takeaways

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