Summary

The article discusses the personal journey of growth and healing, acknowledging the inevitability of causing discomfort to others when making authentic life choices.

Abstract

The author reflects on the personal pain and the pain inflicted on others during their journey of self-discovery and growth. Choosing to live authentically often means diverging from the expectations of those around us, which can lead to disappointment and discomfort for everyone involved. The author emphasizes the importance of making decisions based on personal values and beliefs, despite the potential for conflict. They recognize that growth often comes from facing struggles and that avoiding pain can lead to missed opportunities and a lack of coping skills. The article underscores the significance of confronting generational trauma and personal challenges to pave the way for a fulfilling future, both for oneself and for future generations. It concludes with the acceptance that causing discomfort is part of the process of personal evolution and that it is essential to prioritize one's own needs to live a life aligned with one's beliefs and purpose.

Opinions

The author believes that personal growth inevitably leads to causing some form of discomfort or pain to others, as choosing oneself means not choosing them.
They express that becoming aware of the impact of one's choices is a sign of consciousness and a step towards valuing oneself and one's choices more.
The article suggests that the struggle and pain of growth are necessary to become the person one is meant to be, and that avoiding obstacles hinders personal development.
It is stated that facing problems is unavoidable and that numbing pain with unhealthy coping mechanisms only leads to missed opportunities and a fear of difficult moments.
The author advocates for the importance of facing generational trauma and making life choices that align with personal beliefs to set a positive example for future generations.
They argue that it is necessary to prioritize one's own needs over the opinions of others, even if it means causing friction with loved ones.
The author emphasizes that the discomfort caused to others is a reflection of their insecurities, not a failure on the part of the person growing and changing.
The article concludes with the idea that living a life aligned with one's values is more important than avoiding discomfort, and that this approach is crucial to living a fulfilling and joyful life.

We Will Hurt Others on the Journey of Growth and Healing

It’s inevitable to cause others some form of discomfort or pain when you choose to follow what you believe.

Unfortunately, I faced a great deal of pain when I chose this. I’m sure I also caused the people around me pain. Because choosing myself meant not choosing them, and that hurts.

This was a shocking pain for the people around me. They were used to being constantly chosen. When I started changing I began to value myself and my choices more. I started doing things differently.

I was becoming conscious of the effects my choices could have.

I began to imagine the future I would miss out on if I kept doing things this way. It was never my intention to cause anyone pain, but it’s inevitable when you’re no longer wanting to please others.

Whether the people around you believe you’re making a mistake, or are disappointed and don’t approve, it’s your life. These are your mistakes to make and your lessons to learn.

Life-Hack — Make Decisions Based on What is Authentic to You.

The cost of living a life based on your values and beliefs is worth it.

angiemdr14.medium.com

The people around you care for you and don’t want to see you struggling.

However, I’ve learned most of them do not understand that through the struggle, through the pain of growth is how you get forged into the person God intended you to be.

Taking away the struggle takes away the opportunity for growth and development. Constantly avoiding obstacles will leave you not knowing how to face any.

There are moments in life when we do have to face problems. Situations that are impossible to avoid. Yet we try because we want to avoid the pain at all costs.

This path is comfortable, but it has consequences. I was on this path. I was comfortable because I didn’t confront anything. But I also had a non-existent skillset for dealing with tough situations.

I let myself be robbed of so many opportunities because I grew to be afraid of difficult moments. At first, I thought I was pleasing myself. In truth, I was hiding. I adopted crappy coping mechanisms to numb my pain. I partied and drank and spent money on unnecessary things.

I wasted a lot of time hiding from the pain that was already there.

I wasn’t preventing the pain that comes from facing a struggle. I was running away from facing what I was carrying.

Fortunately, I came to a point where I could no longer pretend I was fine. I was honest with myself about what I was holding on to and vowed to change and heal. I’m proud of myself for taking that step.

It was the best decision I could have made for my future.

Choosing to face generational trauma will set up my future and my family’s future on the path to success.

Choosing to live a life according to what I believe in will teach my future family to pursue their beliefs. Accept who they are and chase after who they believe they are meant to be, whether I agree or not.

I want my future children to be fearless. I want them to be stronger, smarter, wiser, more loving, and more caring than I ever was. I want them to grow up knowing and believing they are whole human beings who are good enough as they are.

I want them to grow up believing in themselves, unlike me. I still battle with my doubts. I battle with myself when I upset another person because I was taught to please. I don’t plan to give up though. If I do, I won’t be the mother I wish to be. The mother I needed when I was a kid.

Even though it sucks to hurt the people around you, it’s a necessary process that will reveal to you who is allowed access to the new version of you that’s being built.

I’ve said this before, some people cannot tolerate someone doing things differently.

You can Meet Others’ Needs, But You Need to First Meet Your Own

As I move closer toward a life that is authentic to me, I’ve learned that I cannot place other people’s needs before my…

angiemdr14.medium.com

You may love those people. They could be your family or friends. But we have to ask ourselves, is their opinion of you more important than your values?

The answer seems clear. But some of us are too scared to disappoint. Too scared to be singled out, to be judged, criticized, put down, made fun of, etc. That’s okay.

We need to remind ourselves of the opportunity cost of staying put.

It’s okay to not want to cause friction with people who are close to you, but what are you giving up instead?

Does it cost you that new career opportunity that seems risky but has great potential to help you reach your goals? Does it cost you to pursue the field you want to be in? Does it cost you the love of your life? Does it cost you the person you want to be? Does it cost you who you are?

Many times we will give up some of the most wonderful opportunities because of these fears. I’m sure I’ve passed on plenty of wonderful things because I was too afraid to stir the pot.

Things are different now. I am 100% in charge, the captain of my boat. I will set the course and the destination. I will sail away in the direction I chose. I will cross the seas and oceans I wish to see. I will learn to navigate better. As the saying goes, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

I want the challenges, the struggles, and the lessons. I want to go through the experiences necessary to fulfill my purpose. To live a life that I am proud of, fulfilled by, and full of joy.

I do not want to cause anyone pain but I am also okay with people feeling uncomfortable. I understand now this isn’t a reflection on me but on the other person and their insecurities. Most importantly, I don’t want to put my life in the backseat. We only get one chance. I want to make mine count. Do you?