Why We Need to Demolish Society’s Current Standards for Beauty

My friend told me to “glow up” just because I was dark-skinned.

I had a casual conversation with a good friend of mine about our fun childhood experiences. We never had problems conversating as we’re deeply connected, not only emotionally but also spiritually. We have that deep understanding of each other, so I never thought there would be a single opinion or preference that would cause us to clash and have my moral values crushed.

I was narrating to her my story about how I used to ride a bike every day during noon hours under the blazing heat, burning and darkening my skin, and that my skin never recovered from it. Her response took me by surprise.

She said, “You need to glow up.”

Does one really need to be light-skinned to be beautiful?

Initially, I didn’t want to make any assumption from a single statement, so I clarified with her, and she admitted that she didn’t mean it that way.

I would believe so.

But I was reminded of the past when we had this online mutual friend. This lady exudes charisma, and even though we haven’t met her personally, I could feel her confidence from the screen. There, I clearly remembered how my friend downgraded her by saying, “She acts and talks pretty, but she’s very dark-skinned.”

I also remembered when Jennie from BlackPink‘s documentary from her childhood was revealed; she told me, “She’s beautiful, but I saw her pre-debut photos, and she used to be dark-skinned.”

Having those memories crystal clear, I knew that my assumption regarding what she said to me wasn’t just a mere assumption. I remained silent when she downgraded those people in the past as I didn’t have the courage to speak up because I, myself, used to have the same insecurity. I had low self-esteem. I thought she was right.

The beauty standard here forces us to believe that we need to have a lighter skin tone in order to be considered beautiful. Not only in the Philippines, but other Asian countries as well.

The Stigma That Results in a Lack of Self-acceptance and Low Self-esteem

Up until now, I still have dark skin but not as much as I used to. My skin recovered as I grew up because adulting activities no longer required me to be exposed to the blazing heat of the sun. But even without those childhood experiences, I was born with dark skin because I inherited it from my father.

Growing up with a mother and an older sister with light skin has influenced me to think that I needed to be like them to be pretty. My mother would proudly introduce my older sister to everyone as her daughter because she is very pretty — light-skinned.

Peacefully existing would be nice, but that wasn’t the case for me. My mom would constantly be worried about me being born with dark skin. She even apologized to me that I had to inherit my dad’s skin color even as a girl.

Ah, so it’s a sin that I was born this way.

She makes attempts to buy and force me to apply skin whitening products. Not only was I dark-skinned, but I had plenty of extremely dark spots: my ankle, elbows, and knees. She doesn’t say it, but she made me feel that I had to magically turn my skin brighter so I could be her daughter.

I was only a kid, and I had no clue what being pretty was, and I had no idea what I needed to be insecure about. But her actions made me realize them too early. At an early age, I was a kid already filled with insecurities.

Don’t get me wrong. I do not hate my mom. As I grew up, I realized she wasn’t exactly trying to transform me for her sake. I know now where she came from. She was merely worried about me possibly not being able to fit with society’s standards.

She was right. And wrong.

The Cause and Effect

I was bullied back in middle school. I remember clearly that one of my classmates walked towards my desk and stared at my face for a second before telling me how I’m so ugly. The funny thing is I wasn’t even flustered. It was as if I knew that he was right.

That mindset stuck with me for a long time, even up until high school. While many people are had their puberty to rely on, I felt that it never had the chance to hit me. I’ve met plenty of people I admire, but I tend to retreat and feel skeptical about their feelings towards me when they admire me back.

My mother thought that if she could shield me from the harsh environment, she could “help transform me” at an early age, but the reality is, that was the very reason I was being pushed to the dark side.

What she thought would be beneficial for my growth was only stomping me down. I had zero self-esteem.

Even with my mom’s efforts, none of the skin whitening products really worked on me because even with such insecurities, I still refused to stop enjoying my life as a kid. I still wanted to go out and ride the bicycle under the heat of the sun and burn my skin all day.

Thinking about it now, I was never the type to follow society’s standards. I hate being told what to do, and I value my individualism. Eventually, with the strength of my moral values, I was able to overcome my insecurities.

Despite being an introvert, I put myself out in the world, in a place where I feel that I belong — art. I attended dance groups and theater classes, and there I met like-minded and passionate people.

Their influence helped me shift my mindset and made me believe that I can be appreciated, not in the form of beauty but talent. I figured that I did not need to be astoundingly beautiful as long as I am talented. I nurtured and embraced myself. With that, I found confidence in myself.

My world that used to feel lonely and dark became brighter as I learned to love myself. When that happened, people started to find me attractive — even in my own skin. Suddenly, it was a world where every skin tone is beautiful, and there I realized that I’ve been stuck in the wrong idea for years and that those people who believe that only light-skinned people are beautiful are actually ignorant and naive.

Confidence made me feel beautiful. I am beautiful.

The Negative Impact of Current Beauty Standards

But that’s completely fine. Even if I were still as dark as I was before, I wouldn’t mind. I am now confident in my own skin, and I no longer feel the need to be lighter to be considered beautiful. Everything about me makes me beautiful, and so are other people.

Once you learn to see the beauty of other people, you too, will become beautiful.

The sad reality, though, is that some other people are still stuck in that stigma. In this documentary, plenty of women in the Philippines spent thousands of dollars to get that brighter, “beautiful” skin.

The first few clips are some women being interviewed about their idea of having “light skin” in the Philippines. They believe it matters. They believe it’s the most important thing in this world.

In the preceding clips, they interviewed women who invest in cosmetic procedures to brighten their skin to belong in the group of “beautiful” women.

People actually risk their lives to get whiter.

Some people don’t have to means to get the procedure. Hence, they go with the cheaper price, which is illegally imported whitening products that contain mercury — a heavy metal that can be toxic for humans, causing their skins to burn and produce rashes all over their bodies.

Toxic beauty standard does not only limit to skin color, but also in shapes and sizes.

In the same way with shapes and sizes, cosmetic plastic surgery has resulted in someone’s doom. Such as model Hong Mioku, who has become addicted to cosmetic surgeries to a point where the doctors refused to provide her further treatment.

Out of desperation, she purchased a silicone from the black market and injected it on her own, causing her face to bloat and deform. After her tragic surgery was aired on television, the viewers generated funds to help her receive corrective surgery. 60 grams of silicone, oil, and other foreign substances were removed from her face and neck. Although despite the recovery from the swells, her face remained disfigured.

The impact the beauty standards that society has created has affected people’s mental and physical health. That is more than enough reason to end this stigma and demolish these beauty standards.