“We Have Two Lives, And The Second Begins When We Realize We Only Have One.”

Ok, Confucius. And now what?

Here I am, 31, waking in the morning with everything I have ever wanted. Family, job, stability, occasional vacations, some of them even a little exotic.

I think, if I would to meet little Cosmin, he would be soo proud of me. He would say

Way to go, me. So this is not all for nothing. Awesome.

I would look him in the eyes, a little kid, alone, trying to find the best people to follow. Trying to decide, on his own, what is good and what is bad. Trying to avoid all the pain from inside of him and from outside of him.

He is looking back at me with the most hopeful eyes you could ever see in a kid.

Life will be good!

he says

It’s all gonna be ok!

he says.

I would get in one knee, I would hug him tight. Because I would not be able to tell him that it might not be.

Here I am, 31, waking in the morning, in my perfect life feeling sad.

Wash my face, brush my teeth, shave, like every morning, take a second look at myself in the mirror.

What do YOU want?

I ask the guy in the mirror. But there is no answer. He looks back at me as confused as I am. He has no idea.

The day passes, like every other day. Take the kids to school, laugh, play, work, take them home from school. Eat, work, play, do some sports. A good life. A perfect life.

The day passes like every other day. Bedtime stories, good night kisses, a glass of wine, a good movie, snuggle with my wife.

I brush my teeth, wash my face, like every evening. I take a second look in the mirror.

What do YOU want?

He is still confused, a little tired, maybe. But still has no idea.