Summary

The author shares a personal journey of overcoming a lapse in judgment involving medication and alcohol, leading to a path of self-improvement through health, exercise, meditation, and therapy, emphasizing the importance of managing emotions and anxiety, and the value of human connection and self-forgiveness.

Abstract

The author recounts a recent experience where a combination of prescribed medication for social anxiety and alcohol led to regrettable actions and strained relationships. This incident served as a catalyst for significant life changes, including abstaining from alcohol, reducing medication, and adopting a healthier lifestyle with regular exercise and meditation. The author also engages in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and seeks wisdom from philosophical texts and therapy books. The narrative highlights the process of making incremental, positive decisions to improve mood and mental health, the importance of facing fears to manage anxiety, and the mutual benefits of asking for and providing social support. The author reflects on the power of forgiveness and the commitment to self-improvement, while acknowledging the ongoing journey of personal growth.

Opinions

The author believes in the power of "good enough" decisions for gradual progress rather than overwhelming life changes.
Shame, when properly managed, can be a motivator for positive change, as seen in the author's response to their actions.
Exercise, particularly running, is viewed as a beneficial activity for mental health, with the author emphasizing the approach of starting small and building up endurance.
Facing anxiety is crucial, and the author suggests a gradual reintroduction to anxiety-inducing situations with self-compassion and without self-criticism.
Social support is seen as a two-way street, benefiting both the receiver and the provider, and is considered essential for mental health.
The author values intimate social circles over larger groups, especially when dealing with mental health challenges.
Self-forgiveness and the ability to forgive others are considered important steps in moving forward from past mistakes.
The author encourages readers to support writers directly, highlighting the importance of financial support for creative work.

We Have More Influence over Painful Emotions than You Think

Nobody’s happy all the time — fluctuating moods are a universal part of the human experience

Photo by Sam Moghadam Khamseh on Unsplash

I had a regretful experience recently. I was prescribed medication for social anxiety, where it’s stated in no uncertain terms not to mix the meds with alcohol. I thought I could handle it. I went horribly overboard.

I was beyond sloppy. I did and said some regrettable things, and It seems I irreparably destroyed some close relationships. I lost my way that long night. I was a train wreck.

One thing about shame is that it makes us change if we wield it properly. In my case, it was the one-two punch of guilt and a kick in the gut from a lost friendship due to my poor choice.

Something of an intervention took place following that episode. An injunction was laid before me by a couple of friends. “Straighten up, or you’re on your own.”

The ultimatum struck hard. It was a direct hit — torpedo to the hull. I had some fits and starts. I salvaged this sunk wreck from the cold, dark depths. The framework is sound. It’s now a matter of rebuilding the bulkheads. In this case, it’s body, mind, and soul.

As of this posting, I’m two weeks alcohol-free and reduced the medication by half. I’ve focused on my health — eating fresh and well-balanced. I’ve ramped up my exercise routine and taken up daily running. I journal regularly and meditate every morning.

I’m back into my bibles. Yes, that’s plural, as I have multiple translations of the Bible. I gain much wisdom from Meditations, the writings of the Roman Emperor, philosopher, and stoic, Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (A.D, 121–180).

Feeling Good by David D. Burns, MD, is another book I’m currently reading in preparation for my upcoming therapy treatments. The book and the counseling are focused on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Lastly, I’m writing more as a creative outlet.

The decision to retire and focus more on my mental health has also come from this. I recently decided to go another year or more, but the one lapse in judgment has changed that course for me. Better to focus on my mental and physical well-being.

I haven’t been diagnosed with depression, though my moods have oscillated between content and blue since the episode.

I realize I’m not alone in this journey, and there are some excellent tips in a book I came across by clinical psychologist and author Dr. Julie Smith. The book is aptly titled Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before.

Turn bad moods into better moods by focusing on “good enough” decisions

Focus on making “good enough” decisions. The key here is to aim for little, continual progress — and not for grand gestures or vast overhauls of your life.

I haven’t run for years. I ran 7 miles recently. I didn’t just go out and decide; today, I will go the distance. I ran one mile to see how it felt. I felt it the next day — just a minor tightness in my thighs. Not a big deal. I worked my way up — 2 miles, then 3, 4, and 6 over a period of weeks. Exercise does wonders for your mental health.

If you’re stuck in a low mood and the long list of things you should do is overwhelming, pick just one small action that you know is good for you, and promise yourself to do it every day– like that brisk walk around the neighborhood.

Learning how to manage anxiety will open up your life.

Because anxiety is something we all experience, it’s no surprise that one of Dr. Julie’s most commonly asked questions is how to make it stop.

Managing anxiety is about facing fears. The most tempting way to deal with fear is to run away from it by avoiding the situations that make it flare up. But here’s the thing about fear: The more we avoid it, the more we feed it in the long run. And what’s worse is that if we let fear dictate our choices, our lives become smaller and smaller.

The key is to go easy on yourself and not to reintroduce every anxiety-inducing situation at once. That will likely overwhelm your brain and cause you to give up. Pick one that feels the most manageable and start there.

Step back into a social situation that once prompted that severe panic attack, sit with the fear, step out, and give yourself time to recover. Do it again the next day and watch your confidence grow gradually over time.

Find the courage to face the things that make you feel squeamish, as long as you do it gradually and with repetition, with ample recovery time, and you don’t put yourself in situations that will cause you to panic.

Try not to criticize yourself. It happens. Be compassionate and encouraging toward yourself, as you would to a friend going through a rough time. You can try again tomorrow! It’ll be easier the next time because you’ve done it before.

Ask for help when you need it, and learn to give it in return

The positive effects of social support go both ways. Studies indicate that when someone provides somebody else with even low-level social support, it changes their brain chemistry so that they experience positive emotions like courage and hope.

It can even help them with the harmful effects of trauma and chronic stress. Yes, that’s right — you’re doing yourself and your loved ones a good thing when you let them help you when you need it.

Human connection is one of the most powerful tools for maintaining mental health, and social isolation only makes depression worse.

For me, socializing is not an easy thing to do. I always feel like I don’t have much to say, or I blurt out the wrong things. I often think I’m offending people. Sometimes I make irreverent or unorthodox comments out of nervous energy or an attempt at humor. And then I get the shaking heads and horrified sideways glances.

Somebody told me I’d said many “weird” things in the past few months while on the head meds. I dare not ask what they were out of fear I will dwell on it too much and spin out. It’s why I prefer my social circles to be intimate and familiar, like 2–4 people.

Share whatever thoughts you can manage, or be with people, watching them or taking a quiet walk together. The research tells us that simply being with others who care is still helpful, even when we don’t feel like being around others.

Human connection is one of the most powerful defenses we have against low moods. Studies show that quality relationships protect our physical and emotional well-being throughout our lives. When it comes to making us happy, relationships are far more important than money, fame, social class, genes, and all the markers of status we’re taught to strive for.

Going Forward

We can’t change the past. We can control the present and change the future. We can only ask for forgiveness, and we can forgive and learn to love ourselves. It’s up to those we’ve transgressed that must find that place of forgiveness. Or not.

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