avatarAimée Brown Gramblin

Summary

A couple in their early to mid-forties experiences a rekindling of their sexual relationship during the pandemic, leading to frequent and adventurous sex, which almost results in a house fire due to their unattended cooking.

Abstract

The author and their partner, David, find themselves engaging in frequent and experimental sex, despite having two children at home, a teen and a tween. Their sexual reawakening includes the use of various sex accessories and toys, and they've even had to consider the volume of their activities to avoid alarming their kids. The couple's passion leads to a near-disaster when they become so preoccupied with their escapades that they forget about sugar boiling on the stove, which nearly sets their house ablaze. The incident prompts humor and a realization that while their sexual activities might be embarrassing to their children, it's a normal and enjoyable part of their relationship.

Opinions

  • The author believes that rediscovering one's sexual mojo later in life can be exciting and worthwhile, even with children in the house.
  • They express that sex should be an open and enjoyable topic, not something to be ashamed of, even for parents.
  • The couple is unapologetic about their sexual frequency and enthusiasm, despite the potential for future therapy bills for their children.
  • The author finds humor in the situation, poking fun at their own mishaps and the potential for their children to view them as asexual until proven otherwise.
  • There is a light-hearted acceptance of the potential consequences of their actions, including the risk of burning down the house, as long as they are enjoying their sexual renaissance.
  • The author suggests that readers might enjoy similar humorous and sex-positive pieces, indicating a supportive stance towards open discussions about sex and relationships.

When sex things happen to good people

We Had Flaming Hot Sex That Almost Burned Our House Down

Burning down the house

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

When you find your sex mojo again in your early to mid-forties, it’s in the middle of a pandemic, and your two kids are a teen and tween, you and your partner fuck each other all the time and don’t worry about the upcoming kids’ therapy bills.

Or, at least that’s what is happening with my partner, David, and myself. I mean he’s the one who’s insisted we reel it in some.

“Aimée, we’re going to have to hold off on the spanking. Jaden heard the slaps and asked what I was doing. I told him his mom likes being spanked. He was shocked you’d like such a thing. We’re going to have a lot of therapy bills if you don’t quiet down.”

It’s hard to be quiet when you’ve rediscovered your mojo.

2021 has been an experimental sex year for us. We’ve been reintroducing accessories to our bedroom life because it feels like we’ve been married for 60 years even though it’s only 19. October 11 is our anniversary, y’all! Screw Columbus Day. Celebrate that some crazy kids got married at a courthouse in OKC in the early 2000s and ate Walmart cake afterward while buying a car with the wedding gifts, which had to be cash because there wasn’t a wedding per se.

So, our sex life has been pretty scorching hot, as it was back then when we got married and couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and I wore no panties under my floral black and white Limited skirt and tank set as we rode up the elevator and I guided David’s hand to remember what we were doing after exchanging vows.

To deal with my noisy moans and groans, we got a ball gag. Also, a t-shirt wadded up and placed in the screamer’s mouth is a pretty sexy look, so we do that sometimes. I enjoy some gentle restraints. In 2021, we’ve ordered ropes, ballgags, soft-lined handcuffs, and enough other sex-cessories and sex toys that I’ve already had to purge them for cheap freebie melting dildos and such.

This particular Sunday afternoon, the sun was shining, and I was feeling thirsty. Thirsty is apparently the new horny, but it still sounds strange to me, though somehow not as gross as horny. Thoughts?

It’s the end of summer here and the hummingbirds are traveling through. I like to put out sugar water for them to get drunk on. Not really — they just sip it and divebomb each other for VIP access. Hummingbirds do not share. I’m guessing they are not a polyamorous bird.

I looked it up. I’m wrong:

“Once the females arrive, the breeding season begins, and it can extend into July. Hummingbirds are not monogamous so, the males will mate with several females each season.”

While I warmed sugar in water on the stovetop, David smacked my butt, fondled my breast, and kissed that neck crevice that makes me squirm with thirst. It’s a surefire way to make me melt into a receptive puddle of orgasmic bliss, so he usually approaches that spot with caution, and not in the middle of the day in the middle of the kitchen.

You’d think I would’ve remembered to set the timer for when to turn the heat off. But, as we’ve established, my attention span isn’t stellar. In all my wanton lust, I headed to the bedroom, where David promptly cuffed me to all four corners of the bed.

The sex was very good. I was probably really loud. Therapy is going to put us into massive debt. I think it’s worth it though.

I opened the door post-coitus, ready to wash up, and the most fantastic smell of caramelized sugar snaked up my nose.

“Ceci, did you make cookies?!” I yelled into the empty living room. The kids were in their room behind closed doors.

“It smells so good!” I hollered back at David. As I walked toward the kitchen, the smell took on the scent of burnt sugar and smoke cascaded into the kitchen, billowing towards me like a monster from Stranger Things.

Oh, fuck. Not the good kind either.

Image provided by the author. The pot was salvaged. The kids, we’re not so sure about.

“Jaden?! Ceci!? Why didn’t you tell us the house was about to burn down?”

“Your door was locked, Dad.”

Yep. Lots of therapy bills. The kids would rather let the house burn down than deal with the fact that their parents are having sex in the middle of the day and being obvious about it.

David turned off the heat. The water was boiled down to nothing. The sugar was blackened. He took videos. The kids like to make fun of my cooking. This incident furthers their position.

Yes, we have a smoke detector. It happened to be on the table with its batteries out because it kept going off when David was cooking and not burning food.

So, if you’re planning to have sex during the day with the kids at home and there’s any chance of anyone cooking anything, get a second smoke detector. It doesn’t care one iota about your sex life.

For a long time I thought our kids should consider us asexual parents because ewwwwww parents and sex. But, I changed my mind. We’re allowed to do that, you know.

Because sex is good. And fun. And, feels good. And if the house almost burnt down while you were doing it, who cares? It didn’t burn down. It could’ve been worse, you know.

You might also like my humor list or these 🍌 pieces:
🕹 Did You Know You Can Play Video Games With Your Vagina?
🐰 How the Google Rabbit Hole Got me Into BDSM and Polyamory
Twitter | Newsletter| |To My Lists | Subscribe to Medium (affiliate link) to support me and other indy writers.
Sexuality
Humor
Parenting
Self
Fire
Recommended from ReadMedium