We Can’t Afford to Be Bored Anymore
It’s killing us
As you’re well aware, New Year’s Eve parties are boring. After five minutes, everybody wishes it were already midnight and time to go home, but, depending on how delusionally early you arrived, you still have anywhere from half a day to a few hours to go.
Before modern life blessed us with its cornucopia of technological gifts, people would start drinking at that point. Now they unlock their phones.
They scroll.
They take horrible selfies, filter them like a Christmas tree, and send them to all their contacts.
They send early Happy New Year messages because “you never know, the network might be overloaded later on.”
They emoji the shit out of every message they received in the last five days on any of the eight social apps they have on their phone.
They realize only twelve minutes have passed and drink some more.
They try to discuss with the people around but soon realize they don’t have anything more to say than twelve minutes ago. But they want to finish the year with a bang of lovingkindness, so they listen to them complaining about anything from their jobs to the lack of bubbles in the champagne glass they just stole from you.
It’s horrible.
What can you do?
You’re now sitting on the toilet, more bored than you can remember since the old year’s eve party and wondering how you can spend the forty-two minutes left before midnight and the fireworks.
I’ve got two options for you. One is for free, and one is costly. One is for me, and one is for you.
The first one, the free one
You can stay in the bathroom and binge-read my articles.
Here are some free links to the sexiest, the funniest, and the most social justice ones I wrote. Here’s a free link to even more articles to read. All these links are free because you’re a Medium member and already paid for your subscription. It’s borderline clickbaity of me to use the word, “free,” it’s a bad influence, and it’s so old year.
The second, the one for you
Follow these steps:
- Finish reading this article
- Finish your bathroom business
- Wash your hands
- Go out of the bathroom.
- Switch off your phone.
- Go to the first person you see and ask them, “if you could do anything you want, how would you like to end the year?”
May your 2022 be full of lovingkindness.
Smillew is a Medium writer who writes mainly about his rules for love, his Medium newsletter, and his Medium referral link. No need to follow him; he’ll show up in your feed.
