We Are Tearing Each Other Apart
By being cruel to each other, we are making things worse, not better.
We all have beliefs, ideas, questions and views around our current situation. We do not all agree. This is very difficult because everything we each do, and don’t do, affects everyone else. Regardless of what our views are, we are all facing a world that has been turned upside down.
We are all facing uncertainty. We have all had our entire lives completely altered overnight, without our permission. We all miss people. We miss the things we used to do. We long for community, comfort and security. Grieving what we have lost and afraid of what we may lose, we all want answers. No matter what you believe is happening here, the uncertainty is extremely uncomfortable. Watching so many people around us falling apart is unbearable. We all see death, despair, pain, hopelessness, deception and defeat. This is all being faced collectively and everyone is facing it regardless of what their specific beliefs are.
No-one is immune from the impact of this crisis.
Now more than ever in our lifetimes, we need each other. Is there a way for us to share perspectives and have this conversation without degrading others for their views? Yes, there is. Many people are doing so. A great many are not.
I know that many of you may never diminish the disgust you feel for some public officials. This is not what we are talking about here. We are talking about the way we treat each other.
I have been repeatedly mortified by the things people use to rationalize their behavior and their lack of personal inquiry or research. I have been shown, yet again, that people tend to believe what they think, not what they see.
I knew we lived in a headline culture, but I didn’t know that people would make judgment calls based on headlines, in the middle of a world pandemic, while thousands of people are dying —daily. I knew that many of us were on auto-pilot. But, I believed that, if shit hit the fan, a lot of people would snap out of it.
I didn’t know what collective crisis looked like, from experience, or in our time. Now I have witnessed the sweet lady down the street greedily hoarding toilet paper. I have witnessed people who always seemed generous and kind when things were okay, turn into people who may leave you starving on the side of the road with no clothes on, to save themselves. I am mortified, not only by the deception and performance of some leadership, but by the people. The people scare me the most. The viciousness, greed and cruelty we are witnessing throughout this pandemic could be only a fraction of what we will see if things got much, much worse. If the masses will trample each other to hoard luxurious needs, the moment a national crisis is announced, how will humans treat each other when our only focus is survival?
Yes, we see many beautiful demonstrations of the human spirit as well. I am not discounting the love and kindness that has shone through across the world. You see, I already believed in that. I already saw that. That is what I have been betting my whole life on. My whole view on the world shifted, literally overnight. I saw what people are capable of when they are afraid.
I grieve my life that was lost. I grieve the world that I will never know again. I grieve the loss of every single relationship that made up my life before this. I grieve for all the people that are dying every day and the essential workers who are with them — forever traumatized. I grieve for those suffering in addiction, abuse and severe depression. But, I also grieve the loss of my perception of the world and its people. And that has been the most painful.
The shift in my view of the world has been devastating. It is also magnified daily. I have not only been hurt by what I see but I have also been angry. I have been more angry than I ever remember being in my life.
Watching people destroying each other, lying and being lied to, cheating and being cheated hurts. But it also pisses me off. We are all pissed about something, rightfully so. We all feel that in some way we are being violated and we strongly disagree about the specifics. But we do not have to be mean to each other. There are no definitive answers. Everyone is confused. No-one is bad or stupid because of what they see or don’t see. They are doing the best they can with what they have, just like you.
By being cruel to each other, we are making things worse, not better. We think things need to be different but we are not different. We think things should be fair but we are not fair. We want others to do the right thing based on our views and we lack compassion for the views of others. We must stop tearing each other apart.
I have not lost all faith in the human spirit.
I just see that, as it stands, the human spirit is much too squelched to change the world. Our hearts are too full of fear. There is too much greed. We run out of toilet paper and people are ready to fight their neighbor. This has been hard to accept. It doesn’t mean things will not change though. It just means, not right now, this very minute. I still hold an undying faith in the human spirit, I just see how badly it is squelched, collectively.
I know what many positively focused people are thinking right now. And, trust me, I have the same beliefs. I absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, with all my being, believe in the power of positive focus. But there is a time and a place where action is necessary. What if Martin Luther King Jr would have simply focused on what was right with the world and our people? I will not list multiple names because you know the drill, but even Jesus turned over tables in his Fathers House. We are given passion, anger and a yearning for justice for a reason. What is important is that we use these gifts with great care and thoughtfulness. When our passion and anger grows from love and is used for good it can change the world. There is a time and a place for ‘bright-siding’ — it is not here and now.
If we are ever going to make change though, we have to stop destroying each other. And before we can stop, we have to talk about it. No matter who is responsible for anything or what the truth is, I think we all can agree that something is very wrong here.
Whatever that something is, it doesn’t have to work as hard to destroy us when we are destroying each other.
I am not saying that we shouldn’t be upset. I am not saying that we should stop asking questions. I am not even saying that there isn’t a time to turn over tables. All I am saying is that we must be gentler with each other. We must remember that even though other people have different views than us, that does not make them our enemy. They believe what they believe just like you believe what you believe. Maybe we can have a conversation about these things, but hate is not the answer.
I don’t know what the answer is. But I know we will not find it as long as long as we continue our attempts to tear down those with opposing views. We will just be a bunch of crabs in a bucket.
Written by Holly Kellums