We All Need to Get the Clap
Help a Fellow Blogger Out
Jason Provencio is the only man allowed to touch my most intimate Medium parts. All under the watchful eye of his beautiful Bride, of course. I won’t tag Mai in this story- she’s too damn busy helping a crowd of people stay sane for me to bug her. I trust JP to keep this kind of relationship on her radar.
I have not joined any other publications other than B&B, partially because I don’t want anyone else running their dirty sticky fingers through my articles. Jason understands me. He very rarely changes the wording in my stories even though I give Grammarly a tizzy fit when I use slang, colloquialisms, and crazy analogies that only make sense to me sometimes.
I respect JP for so many reasons, even though I have NEVER ONCE BEEN CHOSEN for the Big Boost. (hint hint) I love his writing, especially the content. We are amigos when it comes to Human Rights, religion, and politics. In terms of style, reading Jason’s prose is like taking a ride on a roller coaster in the dark.
Every paragraph is a heart-stopper. Just when you think you can predict what’s going on? He throws curves and loop-de-loops in the story to catch you off guard. His grammar is impeccable, and his exquisite and invariable use of the word fuck has been featured in literary magazines all over the globe. He quite literally is the King of Fucks.
More than anything else Jason, I appreciate your advice. I’m not always good at taking it. I honestly don’t have a ton of time during the day to read other people’s articles. I try to touch base with my favorite authors to read and comment when I can. Unless somebody writes something really asinine, racist, or bigoted, I almost always give it 50 claps. Godfather says that this is the polite thing to do, so I do it.
This brings me to the main point of this article. If my understanding of the new algorithm for Medium is correct, then starting tomorrow, claps, highlights, and comments are going to have as much value as views versus reads. For those eager beavers who are actually able to earn more than just spare change from their blogs, this is important.
So I’m asking everybody to spread the clap. That’s our new motto here on Medium. Don’t just spread it, make a HUGE deal out of it. Be generous. Go all the way and give your favorites the full 50 smacks. Highlight the shit out of their Stuff. Comment and tell them how hot they are. Let them know how you REALLY feel about them.
When you’re done reading the latest installment from that blogger you secretly have a thing for and check for stories from every day? Your phone or computer should be sticky, and they better have money on the nightstand, baby.
I’m going to finish this off with something I very rarely do. I’m tagging a few people. Just the ones I think might be able to add to and carry on this conversation. A few of you with a sick enough sense of humor and rare enough talent that you can make my little rag here look like a poorly written 9th-grade argumentative essay.
Patrick — I’m calling you out because I want to see how you would use “The Clap” in an article. (PS — I always read your stuff with an Australian accent in my head. It’s kind of hot.)
Claire Franky — I’ll probably die laughing from whatever YOU come up with. Or at least pee myself. Either way, I’m gonna need new pants. (Unless I want to get buried in men’s boxer briefs should I die.)
Kendra Sparkles — this is not your usual topic, but you are the queen of satire and I will give you 50 claps no matter what, girlfriend. Go for it!
Godfather? I know you can’t Boost me on this one. Uncle Tony doesn’t like it when we use the M-word in our articles. So you’re off the hook. This time. Maybe you could… I don’t know. Pin this to the top of B&B for a couple of weeks? (Throw a dog a bone?)
It could be a new thing. Your favorites can vie for pinned spots at the top of the Pub. We will all line up to kiss your arrrs.. I mean arrrticles so we can each get pinned by you. You sexy thing. (Sorry Mai. That slipped out.)
Just sayin’.