MOTHER’S MUSINGS COLUMN

We All Do Our Best, But Is It Enough?

Accepting our limits as parents or going beyond them

Musings on week nine: 29th of February, 2024

Is it enough to do our best? Of course, once we reach our limits, we can not do more. Yes, but if so?

What does it mean to “go beyond” if we have reached our limits?

Does our happiness depend on that?

Doing my best

Last Monday, my son finished his homework and wanted to play. I was not in the mood for it because of bad news that happened last week, which added to my fatigue.

Coincidence, I’ve read a beautiful article by pockett dessert, and these words resonated with me very much:

old conflicts resurface, painful wounds scarred over reopen

Hard to find energy for my boy.

Doing my best?

I suggested we draw together a sketch of the ideal hut in the trees. He enjoyed it a lot but once finished, asked for more.

Then, he proposed to watch an animated film. The timing was perfect. For a few days, I wanted to see Marona’s Fantastic Tale again, an animated film by Anca Damian (2020). I love this movie because it has always inspired me in many ways.

It is the story of a cute little dog, from his birth to his death. It passed from master to master without ever having the place it deserved, a place in the heart of man.

Its originality, colors, poetic drawings, and mood: so much beauty awakens my creativity each time I see it. I never tire of it.

Doing my best?

On Monday, this movie pulled me out of my slump with its inspiring poetic, graphic universe, and made me think. Why do I love so much this movie?

It is still hard to see as it deals with the subject of death. The movie shows the human being in all his weaknesses. It is neither glorious nor comforting. I could see the dog’s three owners do their best but fail.

I felt compassion for the humans portrayed in the film, depicting our failings and lack of courage.

Our limits.

They did their best, after all. With lots of love toward the dog. And yet, was it enough? The dog felt alone and died in the end.

Is it enough to do our best?

I thought about my musings on what I do for my children. As I wrote previously, I know I am not perfect and do things I regret. I know my limits even if I do my best.

Sometimes, I tell myself that I did my best and couldn’t do more, as if to reassure me.

But is it really enough?

A part of myself is always disappointed when seeing myself fail as a mother. Do I have to be more compassionate toward myself?

As Marona in the movie, my children only want my love and to spend time together. Is it too much? Are my limits that low?

The biggest difficulty seems to be not knowing how to live in the present.

Living in the moment

Could it be the answer?

For dogs, happiness is different than it is for humans. We want things to stay exactly as they are. […]

Humans, on the other hand, always want something else. They call it “dreaming”, I call it “not knowing how to be happy”. (extract from the animation Marona’s Fantastic Tale)

Not having enough energy for my son was dramatic for him. “Mum doesn’t want to play with me” he might think. My children saw me tired the whole week, so tired that my husband had to go out all day with them to allow me to rest.

I let my financial concerns thieve this moment, unable to live in the present and get rid of these concerns.

Trying to do my best, and thinking why I couldn’t.

Maybe living in the moment allows us to go beyond our best, just because we don’t think of it. We focus on the present, concentrating all our energy in a short moment, moment to moment.

“I wish I had more energy. I wish I were a better mum. I wish I…”

But if you just live now, maybe you could?

Don’t think of doing your best, don’t try to go beyond, just live and be open. You’ll feel the energy to do so, you’ll enjoy the time with your children, and you’ll keep your mind free. Opened to let the energy flow inside and shine outside.

“Yes, I think I could”.

What about you? Is it easy for you to accept your limits? Do you think you should go beyond them?

In motherhood, do you often think of doing your best for your children, or would you rather live in the moment?

I’ll catch you next Thursday for next week’s topic of Mother’s Musing Column.

In the meantime, you can find my Mother’s Musing Column below:

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