Wanting a Break from Marriage

# Summary

An autistic individual reflects on their unexpected transition into marriage, the subsequent challenges of cohabitation, and the desire for occasional breaks while acknowledging the positive growth within their committed relationship.

# Abstract

The author, an autistic person, shares their journey from accepting lifelong singleness to unexpectedly finding a partner. They describe the unconventional sequence of events leading to their marriage: long-distance dating, marriage, and then moving across the country to be with their spouse. While acknowledging the initial hardships of learning to live together, the author also recalls a period of bliss that followed, which allowed for personal and creative growth. However, the return of their dog from training and the resulting disagreements on maintaining structure led to a difficult phase, prompting the author to yearn for solitude. Despite this, they recognize the significant positive changes brought about by their marriage and express a fondness for the life they share with their husband, though they sometimes crave a break from the demands of the relationship.

# Opinions

- The author had resigned to a life of solitude before meeting their current spouse.
- There is an appreciation for the commitment made before undertaking a major life change by moving.
- The author valued the increased free time initially available for rest and personal projects.
- A period of marital discord arose from challenges in applying consistent training techniques for their dog.
- The desire for a break from the marriage stemmed from the exhaustion of constant negotiation and interaction.
- The author reminisces about a happy and fulfilled period of single life without loneliness.
- Despite the intermittent desire for solitude, there is recognition of the positive personal shifts and growth attributed to living with their husband.
- The author is not nostalgic for single life and appreciates the enrichment their spouse brings to their life, despite occasional needs for a break.

I’m still surprised that I’m married.

I came to terms with the fact that I might be single the rest of my life. As an autistic, I had serious doubts whether I could be happily partnered with someone.

Then I met someone whom I just seemed to click with. We dated long distance. Got married. And then I packed up all my stuff and moved across the country to live with him.

That’s an odd order to do things. I actually liked the order though. I liked knowing we were committed to each other before we made such a huge change. I also liked that I was the one to move, I was ready to be out of the desert. I was ready for change.

Our first couple months of living together were hard as we both learned new ways of being. It was exhausting for me to be around someone so much. There were also ways we didn’t align, such as our sleeping routines.

Then we fell into a bliss period where it worked really well. I also worked far less, which meant I got more free time during the day to rest and work on my creative endeavors. It meant I had more capacity for interacting happily with my husband in the evenings and weekends

Then we hit another hard phase after our dog went away for three weeks to a training program.

When he returned, we had to apply the rules and structure they taught our dog.

It did not go well. We both remembered different parts. We couldn’t decide how to respond or who did what.

It was very challenging and exhausting.

At that moment, I wanted a break from being married. Or at least a return to a long distance relationship. I could go about my life without having to negotiate with another human being. To not worry or be impacted by another soul.

Yes, that place does exist. I lived it for two years when I was single and not dating anyone. It’s not a made-up place. I wasn’t lonely. I wasn’t miserable. I was happy.

Ok, I admittedly struggled to find an appropriate picture for this essay. So you get this painting I made of a dog. Think of it as happy, single me

But I’m not nostalgic for that time. As much as I want a break at times, I like the things my husband brings into my life. Over the past year, I can so many huge positive shifts within me. I like this new change of living with my husband and being in a secure, committed relationship.

I’d just like a break from it from time to time.