Toxic Competition
Want to perform? Stop competing
The constant competition will eat at you, it’s possible to perform without it!
“I want to be the very best, like no one ever was”. The first line of a cartoon’s theme most will know. Yet was it planting a toxic seed? We must win at all costs. Reach for the stars. Get the best grades, enter the best university, rise to the top of our company — the list goes on.
Yet let’s be honest, there are 8 billion of us… How likely is it that you or I will be the very best at anything? Most importantly why does it matter? We often mistake ambition with the desire to surpass others. Ambition is defined by the Cambridge dictionary as “a strong wish to achieve something”. It is much broader and positive.
After all, how could we ever be satisfied if we spend our time comparing ourselves to each other? Although, we are undeniably all equal. We were all given a different starting point, set of skills, and family. Does this mean we can not progress? No! It means comparing our achievements to that of others is counterproductive. As life treats all of us differently. It should be seen not as a race up a single ladder, but as all humans moving across a large horizontal plane. We are all following our line — as long as we are moving forward we are succeeding.
Human beings are all equal, but not the same. — Fumitake Koga
Competition is good, isn’t it?
In itself, nothing is good or bad. The problem with toxic competition is that it puts us in a “Me vs Them” mindset. It raises our aggressiveness and stress levels. We always expect someone to be out for us, or we lament as we know it will never be enough. Most of us resort to comparing ourselves to others when setting targets. For example, we want to bench-press more than James, that will make happy, yet once we surpassed him we look for someone else to beat. It’s a vicious cycle…
We use competition as a motivator — Fuel for self-improvement. But it’s paradoxical as how could we grow if our objectives are based on others? Internal growth should only come from within. A study by Michigan State University showed that youths coached with a focus on self-improvement, not only learned more, performed better, but acquired life skills at a faster rate.
How can we ever expect to be good enough, if all we aim for is to be number 1? Not only do we perform worse when competing but our creativity is held back. Harvard Business School professor Teresa Amabile discovered that when set in a competitive environment humans will focus on winning at the expense of creativity. Whereas equally skilled people given the same task without any “incentive” showed a wider array of skills.
Friendships born on the field of athletic strife are the real gold of competition. Awards become corroded, friends gather no dust. — Jesse Owens
Not only do we see a dip in immediate performance. Alfred Adler found long-lasting effects on continued competition such as the development of an inferiority complex. When constantly comparing ourselves to others. We are set up for failure. As each hurdle passed will not feel like an achievement. But like a tick on a board as we look for our next adversary. It is nigh impossible to feel adequate if every step of our life is a race — sometimes we need a break.
So we should give up?
Although we shouldn’t focus on it — Competition comes in many forms. We can avoid self-doubt and feeling like an imposter. But what can we do? Some of us need to compete to find our drive. We have a thirst for self-betterment that can only come through competing. Let’s explore how to avoid losing sight of who we are.
Self-Competition
In “The Courage to be disliked” (Ishiro Kishimi/Fumitake Koga) the philosopher tells the youth that the remedy to toxic competition is competing with oneself. By wanting to grow stronger than yesterday and go to bed smarter than we woke up, we thrive towards our “ideal self”. Although, we might never become that Ideal Self we find motivation in competing against who we were — to become who we are.
Not only does focusing on internal competition alleviate the pressure we feel towards others. It allows us to create meaningful bonds in our personal and professional life. As we’ll no longer see colleagues, friends, and family as people we compete with; but as entities on their journey. There is no space to compete as no one runs on the same track. Accepting this will allow us to build trusting and strong relationships.
Understanding our ideal self
What do we aim for? Who is the person we want to be tomorrow? Understanding this comes through understanding who we are. We need to be true to our values and to what makes us happy. There are 3 steps to getting there:
- Define our core values
- Set goals/targets
- Focus on self-improvement
Defining our values follows Kegan’s principle of self-authorship. We have surpassed our need for approval and competitive need. It is an introspective journey to understand what truly matters to us. When we constantly compete, we abide by someone else’s values. When we focus on competing with our future selves — we live by our own rules.
By setting an ambitious goal, that is in line with our beliefs we find the guiding light of self-competing. This goal must not only be meaningful, but it needs to have small and frequent steps. For example, my goal is to run a sub 4 hours marathon. To do this I need to run every 2 days and monitor my progress. Each time I get up and run will feel like a step towards my goal.
We need to have a growth-focused mindset. We accept we cannot beat tomorrow. We aim to grow daily not for anyone else but ourselves — we become an unstoppable force. By embracing self-improvement we develop resilience and facilitate our learning. As long as the overarching goal is to improve and grow — we will not lose sight of who we are.
Be your competition
Although, competition is often shown as a catalyst for motivation. It is also the reason for many ailments: inferiority complex, the imposter syndrome, or even burn-out. Yet no need to throw it all away. By having strong values we remain true and defined by what matters to us.
Competing against “who we want to become”, is a great motor as we will never beat tomorrow. We will always be better than yesterday. Putting competition behind us makes the world our ally.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. — Ernest Hemingway
