Want to Outsmart ChatGPT? Stop Writing For 4th Graders

Everything doesn’t have to be watered down

It’s quite likely ChatGPT writes better than you.

I see all these writers churning out pieces about ChatGPT and how they either hate it or love it. Most of those pieces don’t add anything to the conversation, but whatever, they’re trying to get noticed, I suppose.

I’ve seen a good deal of ChatGPT content, and as a writer, I’m not impressed. Trite phrases woven together with about as much life as a fish on a slab, and frankly, very easy to tell apart from human writing. I’ve already caught a couple of “influencers” in the act of AI-generated Medium pieces — make of that what you will. 🤷‍♀️

But ChatGPT does get one thing down pat — writing content that looks like the generic idea of what someone might imagine a piece of writing on XYZ topic to look like.

Which means all the old tenets about how to write well need to get a mega, mega refresh.

When we start out as a professional writer, it’s hammered into our heads that we must write at a 4th-grade level to get online readers. Keep it simple, keep it list-y, keep it keyword-y.

Which isn’t a bad idea in itself. But make that the driving force behind your writing, and what do you get?

Insipid writing.

“Oh no, she used a word with more than one syllable!”

Yes I did, and here are some more. Vapid. Lacklustre. Somniferous. Cerelac-esque. That’s my new favourite — Cerelac-esque. A puree of all things bland and forgettable, spat out by people who think they’re being relatable, and persistently added to because writers have read writers who read writers who read writers who said “write for a 4th grader”.

Sorry to burst y’all’s bubble, but that era is nearly over. AI can handle 4th-grade writing pretty well already, and in a few months it’ll be superlative at it. So if you were coasting along on your keyword chops and your passion for words of a single syllable, then my child, you are in for a nasty, nasty time.

Even without the AI threat, honestly, the whole “write for 4th graders” spiel is overrated. When was the last time you opened a 4th-grade textbook for reasons other than helping your 4th-grade kid with their homework? Yeah, thought so. When was the last time you read something online and thought: “wow, this is so amazing, the writer talked to me like I was a kid”? Yep, there you go.

Here’s the deal — real readers don’t want to be treated like 4th graders. They want to be treated like the adults they are — adults seeking out information that they’ve trusted you to provide, and maybe getting some entertainment along the way. If a piece contains material that

they already know
that anyone could have written
that they could have just written themselves

it’s not worth you writing it.

So what is worth being written by a person? Well, most things, actually. The world is tiring of mush, and now that AI will make it ubiquitous, real writing will be more valuable than ever. So for all those worried about Skynet taking over their careers, here are my tips for writing content that’s thought-provoking, adult-oriented and undeniably sassy.

Invest in mastering the power of vocabulary

Thought you could toss your thesaurus? Think again. Real writing is rich and varied, just like our lives. And yes, that includes adjectives and even *gasp* adverbs.

Yep, adverbs! In the right context, they work a treat.

No matter what you’re told, easier isn’t always better. Be smart. first context, then content.

Read challenging material

If you read bland blogs, you’ll write bland blogs. Ditch the cutesy bullet-point tutorials and delve into some literary fiction and nonfiction. Notice how they structure their story, how they sketch characters and places, how they create voices that sing. Oh, and if you need help with the aforementioned adjectives and adverbs, nothing like some top-notch literature to teach you.

Of course, not all kinds of literature are ideal to pick up copywriting tips, even if they’re good books. Some titles I’d recommend (and that I’ve learned a lot from myself) are:

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
Travels With Charley by John Steinbeck
The Emperor of All Maladies by Siddhartha Mukherjee
Fermat’s Last Theorem by Simon Singh
To Sir, With Love by E.R. Braithwaite

Read fiction

Two of the books I’ve mentioned above are fiction, and I’m going to say it again in case I wasn’t clear enough the first time — read good fiction.

Maybe I’m just being partial because I’m a fiction writer, but seriously — everyone talks about the power of storytelling, but how do you expect to craft a story if you never read stories? And if you think literary fiction is only about dense paragraphs, I promise you, it isn’t. Here are some more books with excellent but taut prose, vital for writers of any ilk:

1984 by George Orwell
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Bird’s Nest by Shirley Jackson
It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis

Pick up the art of the paragraph

In a world where everyone

Writes

This,

paragraphs have assumed the proportions of a sin.

Obviously, that doesn’t mean walls of text. But the “only three sentences per paragraph” rule needs to be retired. You may need six, even seven sentences depending on the context. Again, context is something that’s subjective, that you’ll develop a feel for as you keep writing. If that feel tells you that a longer paragraph is called for, don’t fight it!

Don’t think “short”, think “snappy”

Sure, you want your copy to appeal to the goldfish mind (is anyone else tired of that comparison?) but sentences that are merely short won’t cut it.

To borrow from a famous cereal brand, they need to snap, crackle and pop.

Let’s take an example. Suppose you’re writing about a cream that reduces age spots. Part of your piece involves advocating the benefits of an ingredient that’s maybe come under some controversy — let’s call it Herb X. You want to come up with a strong opening line to introduce that point.

Here’s one version:

“Many say that Herb X damages the skin, but on the contrary…”

And here’s another version:

“Some bloggers like to say Herb X damages skin. They’re lying.”

Both are objectively ‘short’. But which version hooks you a little more? That’s right, the second one. Why? Because it’s snappy.

Put emotion into it

Emotion is what makes us human. Emotion drives action and impact. I’ve put urgency, exasperation, encouragement, fear, confidence and hope into my pieces, and that’s what continues to set me apart as a freelance writer — my ability to make readers feel something.

Think about your reader. Think about why you’re writing the article. Not just the information part — what is it they’re feeling when they read it? What deep part of them are you speaking to? What do you want them to feel after reading the piece?

And yes, this step does take a little time to get right. And yes, the facts do have to make an appearance. But think of it this way. You’re writing a piece about, let’s say, photoshopping software choices. You could go one of two ways —

A snoozefest listicle about the best photoshopping software? Yeah, AI can probably do that better, faster and cheaper.
A story about how to take memories and make them your own? Now that’s where emotion comes in. That’s entirely, incredibly human.

I’m going to sign off by clarifying that yes, your content needs to be intelligible. The internet is about access, and you won’t be doing yourself any favours by treating each article like a Jonathan Franzen novel.

But there’s a line between intelligible and insipid that far too many writers end up crossing, and it’s on the other side that ChatGPT is a threat. That’s the line you want to avoid, and luckily, it isn’t that hard. You just need to keep your eyes open, be willing to read and learn, and tap into your instincts about how to turn a regular article topic into a unique story.

Be the writer who feeds their audience more than word mush. Be that smart, sassy writer they can’t get out of their heads. And if you do that, I promise you, no AI tool will be able to replace you.

Now or ever.