avatarTom Owens: How I REALLY Feel!

Summary

The article provides guidance on how to be a supportive listener by asking if advice is desired, focusing on the speaker, asking for examples, and offering praise rather than jumping in with solutions.

Abstract

The author expresses empathy for those who struggle with the urge to solve problems immediately when someone is speaking to them. The article outlines a set of listening guidelines aimed at improving communication by prioritizing the speaker's needs. These guidelines include asking the speaker whether they are seeking advice or just need someone to listen, maintaining focus on the speaker's words and non-verbal cues, asking for specific examples to better understand the situation, and providing encouragement through praise. The author acknowledges the challenge of simply listening without offering immediate solutions and emphasizes the importance of showing faith in the speaker's ability to handle their own problems.

Opinions

  • The author believes that it's important to ask the speaker whether they want advice or just need to be heard, recognizing that immediate problem-solving may not always be the desired response.
  • Maintaining focus during a conversation is seen as crucial, with the author suggesting that listeners should pay attention to the speaker's tone of voice and eye contact to show genuine engagement.
  • Instead of making assumptions about the speaker's situation, the author recommends asking for specific examples or instances to gain a clearer understanding.
  • Offering praise and expressing confidence in the speaker's ability to navigate their issues is considered more supportive than providing unsolicited advice.
  • The author admits to personal difficulty with interrupting and views these guidelines as a way to improve their own listening skills, suggesting that these practices are aspirational and require effort to implement effectively.

Want to Help?

Do Listen. DON’T Speak!

Image by wayhomestudio on Freepik

I’m grateful for Nikki Abelson’s “I’m a Good Listener, But I Want to Solve Your Problem.”

I feel her pain. I care about people speaking, but I interrupt like a champion Jeopardy contestant.

These guidelines I TRY to follow:

QUESTION FIRST: “Do you want me to listen, or do you want my suggestions?” Sure, you might think of many fixes. However, do they want that?

FOCUS: “Just listen” is hard. Listen to tone of voice. How do their eyes look? Direct eye contact shows you are listening. Think about their current words, not your future comment.

ASK: Don’t blurt “You know what your problem is?” Instead, ask for an example, or a time this happened.

PRAISE: “I know you’ve thought this over. I have faith in you. Just do your best.”

That’s all someone may really want to hear.

The Short Form
Listening
Objectivity
Encouragement
Advice
Recommended from ReadMedium