Crippled Confidence?

“Be careful what you say. You can say something hurtful in ten seconds, but ten years later, the wounds are still there. — Joel Osteen

Failure - what a soul destructing word. It carries such a heavy connotation, directly and indirectly. I had my fair share of hearing this word thrown at me, even now. The way I used to think, see, and feel toward myself was unbelievably ruinous. It was a vicious cycle, one of self destruction.

Words are living, and that is true especially in the case of humans. Words have the power to uplift, or destroy. We don’t understand the power our words carry, the way they impact others, and why we should be attentive in using our gift of speech. Our whole being, is composed of the words we feed our selves the most, we become the result of those words. I used to be called a failure, incompetent , and a useless waste of space. A lot of my life, I spent hearing those words on repeat. They became so entrenched in my mind, that I began questioning myself,

“Am I failure ? Am I incompetent ? Am I useless ?”

My confidence faded. I really started to doubt whether I can actually succeed, if I am competent at anything, and if I was actually worth anything. I began sinking in feelings of doubt, I felt heavy. It is natural for human beings to constantly prove themselves as worthy, competent, and useful, however, the difference between ‘them’ and ‘I’, was that ‘I’ was trying to prove my competence, worth, and usefulness to myself.

I recall after I could no longer bear it, I approached my beautiful mother, and opened my heart to her. My beautiful mother was an essential assurance in building my confidence again. She spoke of how the greatest people in history went on a journey of self discovery, a discovery of their strengths, weaknesses, and how they would use their traumatic, negative, or harsh circumstances to establish a layer of unwavering confidence in themselves.

Confidence is the foundation of being success, competent, and useful. People who are confident are not afraid to delve into a different territory, they are confident because of the ‘tools’, or of the ‘ability’ they possess, also confidence allows you to be useful in the right way, because of the ‘ability’ you possess. Many possess ability, but cannot go far, because they are not confident in their ability. Confidence alone cannot carry you, though it is the pillar.

“The greatest glory in life lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have failed numerous times in life, I have also fallen just as much, but I will never stop rising. If there was anything that I used to believe I was good at, it was failing. After my beautiful mother's talk, I was oozing with ‘reflected’ confidence, and decided to read stories of ‘broken’ down figures of history who overcame harsh situations, and where their confidence came from.

I came to the realisation that there are two kinds — ‘reflected’ and ‘obtained’. I will start with the latter, ‘obtained’ confidence is when you gain your confidence through achievements, ability, and experience. On the other hand, ‘reflected’ confidence is when you actually achieve your confidence by means of others belief in you, words of encouragement, or by insufficient achievements. The comparison is similar to ‘real’, and ‘fake’ confidence, they are both confidence, one with true conviction, while the other, is based on ‘uncertain’ conviction.

My first experiences of breaking this barrier of self doubt, was when my work boss congratulated me personally for becoming the best, fastest, and most efficient employee of the company. This moment really gave my confidence an undeniable boost, it ingrained in my mind, that I really am capable of becoming the best, am a winner, and extremely useful. The years went by, while my experiences grew, and my confidence soared to new to heights.

“The journey of a thousand miles, begins with single step.” — Lao Tzu

My confidence bloomed from my first ever achievement. The confidence, I have is ‘gained’, not based on ‘reflected’ confidence. It may be a small success, yet for my self-esteem it still echoes.

“We are what we believe we are.” — C.S. Lewis

Confidence is the backbone to achieve whatever you want, confidence is the pedal to keep going forward. Confidence is a car without brakes, and it it makes the impossible seem possible. Don’t be afraid to fail, fall, or lose. Confidence is not in never falling, but one who knows that he has the capability to succeed eventually. NEVER STOP, KEEPING MARCHING FORWARD!!!

How much confidence do you have in yourself ? What is confidence to you ? I would love to read your comments.