# Summary

The website content provides a satirical take on the practice of acquiring backlinks through spam comments, advocating for hiring a professional writer to create quality, relevant comments for SEO purposes.

# Abstract

The article titled "Satire| Spam" humorously addresses the common practice of website owners seeking quality backlinks to enhance their site's authority and search engine rankings. It criticizes the use of bots to generate spam comments, which often result in penalties from search engines. The author emphasizes the importance of authenticity and relevance in comments, suggesting that hiring a professional writer can lead to better outcomes. The author offers their services for crafting original, hand-crafted comments that have a higher chance of bypassing spam filters and being accepted by discerning blog owners, with rates starting at $150 per

Satire| Spam

Want Quality Backlinks for Your Business?

Stop wasting your money, hire a pro.

Authority, Schmority

Every website owner knows that backlinks from quality, high-ranking websites are golden — they help build your reputation and establish your authority. But who has time for all that? And who can afford to hire talent to build a reverse-scraping bot that will text-mine a post and leave coherent, relevant comments, complete with appropriate backlinks, on websites and blogs that will naively accept them?

You’ve heard the horror stories — bad comment practices will get your website and your business penalized by the major search engines! The very search engines that determine whether you, and your bank account, live or die.

Stop falling for scammers!

If you buy your comments in bulk and drop them, willy-nilly, across the Internet, this is the sort of nonsense you will have associated with your business and your good name.

Do you understand any of that? I didn’t.

Did it have anything in it to indicate that the commenter had taken 5 seconds to read the post? No!

So straight into the dreaded Spam folder it went.

I have seen bits of code, written by teenagers, that could do a better job of sussing out relevant keywords and crafting a bit of semi-original fluff text that might pass muster if the blogger was drunk, distracted, especially tired and disinclined to be on high alert for fraud and spam.

Have a little pride. Hire a professional writer.

Let’s Be Honest

Who doesn’t want to earn a nice chunk of change in their sleep? I don’t believe in such fantasies! But, retired, now, I think that writing B.S. while eating bonbons and binge-watching “Ripper Street” on Netflix is the next best thing.

Contact me if you’d like to discuss my spam rates. You will get what you pay for, of course.* I can guarantee only that the text will pass muster — not that the website owner/blogger will allow the links. Comments will be original and hand-crafted. It’s a shame that there are so many imposters out there, masquerading as people, leaving garbage “comments” on every blog that will allow it. They make it that much harder for you, the poor business owner, to build the kind of unquestionable authority necessary to sell fake dog poop to teenaged boys. Or knock-off handbags to women who want to be the envy of all the other moms at the PTA meeting.**

I can help

My rates, of course, are not low. But why would you entrust your commenting, backlinking, and online reputation to the lowest bidder? I will skim read the posts and provide a relevant, inoffensive, unopinionated, non-controversial, but not utterly-devoid-of-personality reply — one that stands a fair-to-middling chance of passing through modern spam filters and landing your link on real sites. Not the ones anyone can land a link on, for the right price.

You have only to pay me very, very well.

Interested? Contact me through the comments below!

* Rates begin at $150/comment, and client is required to provide login credentials, a sock puppet account, and email address.

** Client business must not engage in illegal or illicit activities. If advertising Michael Kors handbags, for example, the comment must and will contain an appropriate disclaimer: “This handbag is a cheap knock-off and not an actual Michael Kors handbag.”