Want More Clarity? View Every Thought Like It’s a Pizza.
My therapist didn’t text me back. She always texts me back. Usually within a few hours, definitely within 24.
My mind started searching for reasoning why she didn’t respond.
It was around the holidays. She was probably traveling home, she’s got a family to visit. She’s a human with a life.
She’s also in Los Angeles, where an explosion of Covid is happening. Entering a grocery store to grab vanilla almond milk creamer can induce a full-blown anxiety attack.
A day passed, then another… then another.
My mind turned on me. The negative windfall of thoughts for her lack of texting me appeared.
- Maybe I didn’t read our last text exchange properly? Maybe she was really trying to break up with me?
- I don’t set up appointments consistently. She probably doesn’t want to work with me anymore to make room for clients who will pay her more frequently? After all, this is her career. Girl’s gotta eat!
- But wait… if I’m not coming as often… she would have extra time for new clients? So, fitting me in shouldn’t be a problem…
- Maybe she’s mad at me? Did I do something wrong?
- Maybe she never even really liked me…
- Wait, she’s my therapist… is she supposed to like me?
- Why do I care if my therapist likes me?
- Do I care if my therapist likes me?
- Should I find a new therapist?
- Ugh, but then I’ll have to re-explain all the dumb bullshit of why I am the way I am all over again…
- So, did she break up with me? Can therapists do that?
- Duh, of course they can.
- Maybe I’ll try Better Help… it’s a cheaper alternative…
She texted me back. She apologized for the delay in her response. A delay she “didn’t intend on.”
We have an appointment next week. And God knows I need it.
Our brains take objective information (my therapist didn’t text me back as quickly as she normally does) and look at the information through a subjective lens (My therapist clearly hates me and I’m a lost cause.)
My automatic response was to go towards a negative thought (My therapist was clearly trying to ghost me.)
Why do we trust the first thought that shows up? Why do we invest in our first thought?
Why do we believe our default thinking to be true? Why do we believe this default thinking is “right” or has any validity?
Just because the thought came up doesn’t mean that there’s any truth to it.
What other thoughts would appear if we kept searching for them?
Your Thoughts Are Like a Pizza
I took a class with an amazing life coach, Juliann Weiss.
She asked us to draw out a pizza. Pick a slice. Name this slice your “first thought that appeared.”
That slice of pizza is the first thought that popped into your head.
Look at how many other slices there are? They represent the variety of other perspectives.
Keep expanding on whatever it is you’re thinking about and force yourself to fill in the rest of the pizza slices with other thoughts that appear. Challenge yourself to fill in the pizza with perspectives.
Look at your “thought pizza.” How many of the slices represent the truth? How many varied perspectives showed up?
Just by filling out the rest of your pizza, you instantly have an expanded view and perspective on whatever is on your mind. You’ve moved past getting attached to the first thought that came to you.
Every single thought that comes into your mind is its own pizza. Each slice is one perspective.
If you got a pizza delivered to your house and you opened the box and there was only one slice in it… you’d want a refund. I guarantee your first reaction would be WTF. Give me the rest of the pizza! It’s what I ordered.
Do the same thing with your thoughts. Don’t just deliver yourself a box of pizza with one slice in it. Demand to get all the slices you ordered.
By filling out your entire “thought pizza”, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to expand your perspective. You’re questioning what truth there is to your first thought that appears.
How You See the World is a Reflection of Your State of Mind
An identical event can happen to you on Thursday afternoon and on Friday afternoon. Depending on our state of mind, you will perceive both events completely differently. You will have a completely unique reaction to each event.
Our perception of the world reflects our state of mind.
If you’re stressed, you will see the world a certain way. Your vision changes when you are stressed, it can become tunnel vision. You will see things that validate your current crazy narrative because you have no access to the rational part of your mind.
If you’re happy, your peripherals get much wider. When you’re in a good mental space, you receive information so much better.
What’s your state of mind today? How is that affecting the slices of your “thought” pizza? Are you stressed? Exhausted? Ecstatic? Happy?
However you’re currently feeling affects how you’re receiving the world around you. You then create perceptions about the world you believe to be true.
You can wake up after 8 hours of sleep and curl up with a fresh cup of coffee on a Saturday morning and hear the birds chirping. You might think, “Wow, what a miracle life is. I’m so grateful for this moment. I’m so thankful to hear the chirps of these happy birds.”
Or you can wake up hungover from a raucous Friday Night with a splitting headache and no pants on. You hear those same birds and it sends you into a fit of anger. You mutter obscenities under your breath and wonder if the birds know how annoying they are and that we’d all be better off without them.
Same event. Two completely different states of mind. Two completely different reflections of what’s reality, and two completely different reactions based on what the perceived reality is.
Metacognition
Metacognition is, put simply, thinking about one’s thinking. More precisely, it refers to the processes used to plan, monitor, and assess one’s understanding and performance. Metacognition includes a critical awareness of a) one’s thinking and learning and b) oneself as a thinker and learner.
The awareness and understanding of one’s own thought processes.
— Vanderbilt University
We have an amazing ability to think about our own thoughts. Question ourselves and the world we exist in. We need to stay curious about where there’s truth, even in our own thoughts.
Let’s challenge ourselves to fill out our “thought pizzas” and expand our perspectives.
Let’s create a deeper awareness to the truth, or lack of truth, in our thoughts.
Let’s remember to take time to see our lives through an objective lens and investigate the subjective lens we see things through.
Conclusion
The mind is a wonderful servant and a terrible master.
Investigate the truth to your thoughts. Don’t just accept the first one as the truth because it showed up first.
How are you arriving in life today? It determines how you’re seeing the world.
Challenge yourself to refrain from solely looking through your subjective lens.
Don’t just consume the first slice of your thought pizza, eat the whole damn pie.
Read on…
Maddie is a writer + voice-over artist. She’s a soon-to-be certified life coach through the JRNI program. Self-declared boxed wine aficionado. She’d love to hear all your thoughts at [email protected]
