Writer's Jealousy Crushing Your Soul? Use It To Become A Better Writer, Instead
Don’t beat yourself up, jealousy is common among writers. Here’s how you can channel it to become a more fantastic writer.
Do you feel it?
The twisting in your tummy. The lump in your throat. The pang of sadness.
A writer posts about their high-value clients or their latest bestseller.
It makes you feel small. Insignificant. Worthless.
And jealous. God, it makes you soul-crushingly jealous even though you are a nice person. You want it all for yourself.
You work hard, too. You’ve made sacrifices for your writing career. Heck, you even write better than some of them!
I know the feeling.
In 2018, I left my cushy, corporate job to write fiction. I nurtured lofty dreams of publishers fighting over my books.
A few scattered publications later, I realized my literary career wasn’t financially sustainable. I made almost zero income from it.
Meanwhile, other writers bagged big publishing deals, gained fame, and thrived. Everyone else seemed to zoom past me as I applauded from the sidelines.
Why was life so unfair?
The competition and gatekeeping in fiction steered me towards nonfiction. It wasn’t a mere transition in moments though.
I’d gone through a fair share of anguish and jealousy. But I came out of it as a more wholesome and stronger version of myself.
And if the oversensitive me can, I know anyone can do it.
What if your jealousy is trying to tell you something?
Jealousy is one of those emotions that make us feel ashamed. We speak about our fears, grief, and anxieties. But jealousy is one emotion we like to hide.
Why?
Because when we’re craving what someone else has, we’re:
- Admitting that we aren’t good enough
- Indicating we don’t want others to succeed.
Jealousy crushes our self-esteem.
- But what if our cure lies in facing jealousy?
- What if our jealousy is conveying something deeper?
We can’t control feeling a certain way.
But we can control our actions and shift our focus to feel better emotions and learn from our jealousies.
Why are writers prone to jealousy?
We imagine writers as sensitive artists, nourished by life’s beauty and wonder.
And yet, writers (or the artistic types) are extremely prone to jealousy.
The reason?
It is a fiercely competitive industry. One in thousands of writers gains recognition and success. Someone else’s good fortune makes us feel that we’ve been left out. As if they'd snatched our tickets to success.
Sometimes your jealousy is logical
Getting noticed in any artistic field takes more than merit. Factors such as:
- Who you know through networking
- Your connections by birth and relationships
- Your social, cultural, economic, and geographical background
- Pure luck
Other than the first, you have little control over the rest. Jealousy blooms from this sheer unfairness that life has bestowed upon us.
What to do when jealousy consumes you?
1. Face it, dammit!
Bottling up any emotion leads to what I call mental indigestion.
Think of that radiating gas pain in your chest or the sour bile burning your throat. It isn’t a comfortable state to live in. Face your jealousy.
Write about it in your journal. Don’t filter out the expletives; shred the page with the force of your pen if that helps with the rage.
The physical act of writing down our emotions is one of the most cathartic releases.
In Chatter, Ethan Kross mentions how writing down our thoughts helps in closing the negative thought loops. When we write, we’re compelled to close one thought stream before proceeding to the next.
Journaling helps stop the repetitive fragments of useless thoughts from occupying your mind.
If writing in journals is not your jam, then go for walk.
Scream into the woods.
Meet a close friend and bitch about it.
Let it all out in some way.
Healing begins only when you accept your emotions no matter how ugly they are.
2. Now that you’re done with venting, think of the bigger picture
Once you’ve exhausted all your anger or shared it over pints of ice cream with a bestie, ask yourself:
Do I want to continue feeling this way?
What if you get to know that you have a few days left to live? Would you focus on your own journey or on someone else’s success?
Look into what’s going well in your own life. Create a list of things you’re grateful for. Dr. Julie Smith talks about how expressing gratitude helps deal with negativity in Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before.
You’ve got things that other people might be jealous of. Cherish those things. Be inspired to create an even better life and let people who you’re jealous of motivate you.
Our journeys are unique. Even if things look overwhelming in the short run, we need to focus on the bigger picture.
3. Take a lesson or two from your jealousy
Jealousy is pointing towards what you’re lacking. If you take account of it, it will show you exactly what you want for your own life. And once you know your goal, it is easier to reach it.
4. Transform jealousy into inspiration
If you stew in your jealousy and block every person you’re jealous of, think of what happens to them?
Nothing!
They still go ahead and become more successful. You’re still left on the sidelines closing your eyes, refusing to face reality and learn from it.
Can you learn from their strategies?
· Are you jealous of how prolific they are? Then create like mad and keep putting your work out there.
· If networking is their magic, then pull up your straps and start networking. (I was someone who cringed at networking and had to learn the hard way. I dreamed of big publishing houses knocking on my door, ready to offer me a six-figure check. That shit never happens.)
· If they launched a product or a service, can you take the necessary steps and launch one of yours, too?
Finally, remember:
Your jealousy arises from the part of your brain that fears scarcity. That tells you that once someone else has it, there’s not enough left for you.
In most cases, the reality is the opposite.
The fact that writers in your genre are getting published means that it isn’t an impossible dream!
Do you need to work harder? Heck, yes.
Was your seat taken away by them? Of course, not! What’s meant for you will come provided you’re up to the challenge.
5. Turn jealousy into compassion
Even if you’re sad, congratulate them. Tell them their success inspires you. Write a post about their wins. You’ll notice how the more you do it, the more you genuinely feel happy for them.
Your grace and kindness might bring you both closer as it happened for author Noelle Sterne.
Feeling good is the first step toward achieving our dreams. You cannot create your best work with a bitter heart.
Feel the negativity to transform it into love and compassion. A meditation like this can be effective in changing your emotional state.
6. Let jealousy be your fuel to create something gorgeous
Consider the case of Danielle Krysa, the person behind The Jealous Curator. Motivated by her jealousy, Krysa started curating the works she was jealous of. This further inspired her to write books, give a TED talk, and become an influencer.
Take a lesson from her.
Let fear be your motivator
Finally, jealousy indicates that you are low on self-esteem. You feel like a failure and fear you’ll die in obscurity with no takers for your work. Channelize that shitty feeling into working harder than you ever did.
Create. Network. Learn. Share your work. Rinse and repeat.
And while you’re doing the hard work, don’t forget to celebrate all your little successes. Keep them at your desk to motivate you further.
Remember, if you don’t enjoy the journey then reaching a goal won’t make you happy. The goal post will always keep moving further.
Give yourself the love and empathy you deserve
At the end of the day, each of our life’s timelines will look different and that’s the beauty of our human lives.
Cherish the fact that you have this precious opportunity to create. Celebrate your peers. Learn from them.
Let jealousy motivate you to do better work with an open heart and an abundant mindset.
Life is too short to spend being spiteful and bitter.
Feel the jealousy. Then go right ahead and transform it into something you’ll be proud of.
Are you ready? Let me know in the comments.
Thank you for reading.
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