Wake Up, Little Rosebud
I don’t think I can
How I wish for those words, the teasing lilt in your voice
If only I could rewind, travel back before your choice
It might rouse me from the perpetual slumber clinging like an albatross
One foot in the real world and one stuck in the quicksand of your loss
Some days I see the sun — I can feel it on my face
Other days nothing’s real except the demons giving chase
An alien in my own body
A dark and lifeless copy
My soul bleeds as I gather the tattered remnants of the me who used to be
I’m drowning in a sea of my own blood and tears that no one else can see
Lost in the cloudy fog of life’s reality
I keep looking in the mirror, but the woman looking back just isn’t me
Wake up, Little Rosebud, open your eyes
No, I want to keep them closed, so no one else can die
I lost my big brother to suicide in August of 2021, and I often write about my grief journey in an attempt to help me process. He made up a song that he used to sing to me when I was little (he was 5 years older than me). In the song, he called me Little Rosebud.
If you would like to read other pieces related to losing him, you can find some links below.