Waiting for the Sun

Unable to accept what stirs deep within

When a loved one dies it’s like a piece of our heart has been whittled away, an aching pain consumes, deep inside is a deadening and we wish we could stop feeling that but we hang onto it because it feels right but mostly because we have no choice

As parents, a child’s death cuts to the quick the deepest loss of all. Supposed to outlive us we lose our child’s love and the love we had to give them and the pain never ever goes away

The small casket lowered into ground a child’s death hits so hard and seems so unfair, unjust but we eventually realize it can’t be rationalized or explained there is no sense to be made of it and our minds slowly accept that but we never accept what stirs deep within us late at night even after many years have passed

Surrounded by well wishers we are but ultimately we build our bunkers and fight our demons alone, pain and grief floating inside like dead continents crossed by rivers of dust and stone, and parts of our hearts that once beat red and strong are now black and still

Yet, if life is for the living as it surely must be we seek a way beyond this others here still need us, and we find the strength to stand to embrace the sun each day rising sure, red, bright feel the warmth, feel the light

If we bring the sun into our hearts and minds, and begin to live again perhaps then someday the soul will mend

For Julia. For Roger.