Vulnerability, Our Greatest Skill, That Makes Us Weak — Perfectly Imperfect

What Does Vulnerability Mean to You?

Before you read on, take a second to think about what vulnerability means. What would be the opposite of being vulnerable? Finally, in what settings do we use this word?

What Being Vulnerable Meant to Me as a Kid

Growing up I always thought of being vulnerable as having weaknesses. I thought it meant there were some deficiencies, and that there was something wrong. Something that can be easily exploited by your enemies.

I thought of being vulnerable as a weakness on a battlefield. “Oh no, they found our vulnerabilities in our defenses”. Or in sports, such as soccer. “We found a vulnerable pocket on the opposing end of the field and scored a goal.” To me, vulnerability was something we didn’t want, and wanted to create on the attack, whether in war or sports.

As I grew older, I learned that vulnerability was more than just a weakness. In fact, it was the exact opposite. It was a strength. Being vulnerable was a true skill, that was something that I went from running away from my whole life to wanting to have it be a part of my life because of all the benefits.

There’s a catch though. So, vulnerability can put you in, well I’m sure you can guess it right. Vulnerability can put you in vulnerable situations.

Vulnerability Does Make You Vulnerable

I just said it’s not a weakness being vulnerable, so how does it make you weak? Well when you decide to be vulnerable with someone or in a situation, it can put you in a weak spot. When we look at the power dynamic of the situation, you are in a weaker spot compared to the other person, or parties involved. As they have the power to do with whatever you tell them. Whether to humiliate you or validate you, those are just to ways, there are plenty of other ways to respond to someone when they are vulnerable with you.

Let me share an example, as you know I love metaphors and examples by now. If I decide to ask someone out on a date, then I would be putting myself in a vulnerable position where I am giving someone power over me.

Here, they have to ability to say no, and then go and tell everyone that I asked them out, and whatever other fillers they would like to add in there.

Another example is sharing a deep, dark secret of yours with someone. You are being vulnerable, and giving someone a lot of power to exploit you by sharing that secret if they chose to.

When we are vulnerable we are in a weak spot, where people can really take advantage of us.

If I scared you away from vulnerability, that’s sorta okay. Most of us aren’t vulnerable because we are scared and afraid of all the power we give to someone else. It’s just hard to be vulnerable.

Let’s switch gears and talk about the positives here.

So if Vulnerability is a Weakness, then Why is it so Beneficial in One’s Life?

Well, think about everything you have in life. Think about the things you want. In fact, think of all the things that you have always wanted but were too scared or fearful to ask for. Cue Spongebob’s Card reader saying ’12 Hours Later’. Think about a couple things, that may come up.

Why didn’t you get them, or what is holding you back from going out and getting something that you really want?

Not every time, but I’m sure plenty of times vulnerability plays a key part in that. Vulnerability is so crucial to ask for what we would like in our lives. In fact, vulnerability is important to share how we feel, express our boundaries, and many other important ways to take care of ourselves and self-advocate.

I believe that we need to be vulnerable to live a happy and healthy life. As you see from above, there are plenty of important reasons to be vulnerable, even though it is not easy. Remember, in life, in order to get what we want, it’s not always easy. Life takes hard work and effort. The effort is worth it though!

Take a look at one of my articles that talks about this brutal reality of life. Or keep scrolling as well, and come back to it later if you would like!

Vulnerability Gives You a Better Chance at Getting what you want

Have I sold you on vulnerability yet? I feel like I am a business person trying to sell you something.

As we discussed above, being vulnerable is not easy. You are putting yourself out there, and many can take advantage of that. Also, being vulnerable can backfire on you. But you deserve to live the life you want to live. To explore different desires that you have always wanted. Wow, I really feel like a salesperson now…

Let’s go for an example. You’re a student in school. You have been struggling with some horrible news at home. In addition, you are struggling to complete your work for one class.

You then go and decide to talk to your instructor and share with them that you have been going through a really hard time lately. Something had come up at home and it has been really hard to complete your work up to your normal standards. The work is very important to you so you don’t want to fall behind and hand in lower-quality work.

In this situation, your teacher could go a couple different routes. Well, focus on two straightforward ones.

Two Different Situations

First, they listen to you and want to accommodate you however possible. This is the first time this has happened and your teacher knows how serious you are about your work. If you don’t care much about your work, to begin with, that’s okay! Although you may receive less support from the teacher if any. Still, you should not shy away from being vulnerable. You see why effort matters people?

*The other possible benefit of talking to your instructor is simply sharing with them that you are going through a rough time. Which can sometimes help you manage the horrendous feeling you are feeling about whatever awful event you are currently processing. This doesn’t happen every time, but sometimes can.

The second possibility is they tell you to pretty much suck it up, and know that you will always have tough situations in life. Life isn’t going to slow down just because you have something challenging going on. They probably won’t react like this, but just stay with me here.

Reflections from Examples

You see, either some variation of the first or second outcome would most likely happen. You can’t control the outcome, but you do deserve to advocate for yourself. Remember from my other blogs, if you would support a friend going through a rough time, you better support yourself.

I’ll link that blog below.

When we are faced with the second variance, it can feel defeating and hopeless. It may feel like, “Why did I waste my time being vulnerable when I was rejected like that.” This hurts, and if it keeps hurting, I don’t blame you for wanting to turn away from vulnerability.

The brutal truth is that is going to happen when we are vulnerable. Remember, we are in a weak spot when we are being vulnerable.

Don’t let this discourage you from vulnerability and missing out on dreams you could possibly be living. Ah if this line didn’t sell you, I don’t know what will. Yes, you will get rejected. Yes, it will hurt most likely. Try to be proud of yourself for being brave enough to be vulnerable in that situation. It isn’t easy and you did something for yourself. Go you!! Even if it went nowhere.

Final Thoughts

Yes, being vulnerable is hard. It is scary. I can almost guarantee you that taking the vulnerable road will lead you to greater doors that could open up to you. Just know that is not the path with the least resistance.

Though since you’ve stuck around this long enough reading, I’m sure you can do it!

Do know that I am not perfect at this. I fail all the time at it and succeed all the time at it. Vulnerability is a seed that I continue to nurture. I continue to water it and see how it grows. This is hard work, that’s why many don’t attempt to be vulnerable. But I am confident that it can be a great tool to aid you in your future success and getting what you want.

I have attached homework for you if you are looking for any. Brene Brown writes a remarkable book all about Vulnerability and Shame. The book is called Daring Greatly. I will add a link to her website so you can look more into it. Further to see if you are interested in reading it. I have zero affiliation nor get paid for recommending this book to you. I just really enjoyed it, and think it did a great job touching upon these topics. Brene Brown is also amazing! So, if you haven’t checked out her stuff yet, you definitely should!

https://brenebrown.com/book/daring-greatly/

Johnny Poitras

Originally published at https://perfectlyimperfect23.blog on June 22, 2023.