Voluntary Confinement

Grateful to remain safe and sound

I am on day three of staying at home and not going outside.

I’m sure this will change at some point, as there are things to be done. It’s difficult to stay indoors when I’m used to leaving all the time — going anywhere and everywhere. Yet I continue to ask myself, “Do I need to go outside now? Do I need to go to the store?”

The more I remain indoors, the calmer I feel about the pandemic, even though things are becoming far more urgent.

If I’m not going out among the population that is shopping and dining, then I’m not exposing myself to the pain that is Covid-19 — the pain that we are all facing.

I was speaking to one of my neighbors earlier today. We have shared many holidays together, and we are reaching the same decision point. For the first time, we are considering not having Thanksgiving together, or with our families.

I am sad, and at the same time, I am joyful. I think: “What if I don’t make a turkey this year?”

What if I don’t?

I’ll be just as grateful, and that is where I find the joy. I can make a box of stove-top stuffing, and it will be as good as cooking multiple dishes for days on end.

I am grateful.

I am home in New York; I am healthy; my family is healthy; and my friends are healthy. I’m working, and I’m writing. These are all great gifts and nothing I take for granted in the middle of a sorrowful time.

I’m grateful and take pleasure in the slowdown of daily events. The days used to elapse in moments. Now it feels like there are hours to accomplish anything I want. As I write this story, I have applesauce simmering in the kitchen. I took my time coring, peeling, and slicing the apples. I realize that I love the smell of ground cloves, and that only a pinch will make the applesauce taste better than anything store-bought.

The home smells like spice, like the middle of fall. These are the moments I feel hopeful.