Vengeance in Perpetuity

Payback for prank pays ongoing dividends

Twelve years ago, my friend Scott conjured a diabolical April Fool’s prank to torment his insufferable braggart of a brother.

Bill is an ostentatious blowhard who whilst making snide remarks as to Scott’s crab-grassed moonscape flaunted his own professionally landscaped lawn once too many times.

Scott contrived to make Bill fear that his golf-green grounds and magnificent floral accoutrements were about to be decimated.

In the early hours of April 1st, Scott sneaked into Bill’s front yard and strategically staged the props. He scattered shovels and pick-axes on the lawn, and outlined the perimeter with yellow caution tape.

The coup de gras was the centerpiece, an eight-by-ten-foot white-painted plywood sign, on which writ large in red were the words: This property has been claimed by decree of eminent domain.

Scott slept for the next four hours in his car, which he’d parked around the corner. At seven in the morning, he secreted himself behind a bush diagonally across the street from Bill’s place and sat back to enjoy the show.

Bill emerged from his house at seven-thirty. Scott watched with glee as Bill went ballistic, repeatedly dialing city hall, which didn’t open until nine, spewing ever-more foul invective at the answering machine.

Once Bill ascertained that City Hall had no plans to seize his property, he deduced that the culprit was his brother.

Before the week was out, Scott was plagued with phone calls from individuals and organizations seeking a generous portion of his (non-existent) riches; Bill had systematically posted Scott’s name and number on Craig’s list and sundry charities, with the words:

I’m a very wealthy man and am eager to share with those in need. Feel free to phone anytime, day or night.