Utopia: The Perfect Amount of Awful

A story that hopefully makes you understand that our life isn’t all that bad

A man takes one last sip of whiskey. He gets in his car and drives to his favourite place: Glenwood Canyon. He arrives, parks his car, takes out a flashlight and the car registration from the glove box and then unscrewed his license plate.

Throwing his license plate and car registration into the river, he walks toward a specific location in the canyon: his wife’s favourite spot when she was alive.

It was one of the highest points in the canyon with an unbelievable view of the valley beneath it. He has come to commit suicide.

The man takes one last look at the sky, filled with stars that would merge with the canyon’s stone and illuminating the night. He feels a combination of wonder and pain.

As he admires the landscape, a woman’s voice behind him yells — Hey!

Startled, the man almost falls but manages to catch himself. He turns around to see who the woman is but he couldn’t recognize her. She wore a long white dress and had long hair as blonde as the sun itself. She is old but just as gorgeous

The man wondered why anyone would be there at such late hours.

She comes closer and says — Hello.

Hello — The man, confused, replies — What are you doing here so late by yourself? — The man asks.

What are YOU doing here so late by yourself? — She asks, kind of in a snarky way.

Even more confused, the man responds — I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to clear my head. This is my favourite spot.

You are awfully close to the edge of that cliff to be clearing your head. Are you here to jump? — The woman asks, concerned.

No, as I said, I just wanted to clear my head. I’ve had a long couple of days. — The man answered.

Okay then, have a good night! — The woman says as she turns around and starts walking away.

The man convinced himself that the fact she was there wasn’t a coincidence. He believes she was there to save him, to change his mind about life.

As the woman walks away, he calls out — Hey, you never said why you’re here.

The woman turns around — You never said why you’re here.

Yes, I did! — The man answers, agitated — I just told you.

The woman gets really close to the man quickly moving from where she was right up into the man’s face — Why are you really here? — She whispers.

The man, thrown off, stutters — I’m clearing my fucking head OK? Why don’t you believe me?

The woman turns around and begins to walk away again. As she walks away, the man panics at the thought of the woman leaving without trying to save him.

Ok fine, I’m here to jump… — The man yells.

The woman turns around — Pardon? — She asks.

I’m here to kill myself. This life is awful and I’m ready to die ok? There you go. — The man answers.

She walks towards him.

Standing right next to him, she asks — What is so awful about it?

What’s not so awful about it? — The man replies — It’s filled with ugliness and sadness. Filled with tragedy, conflict and heartbreak. It’s endlessly difficult for no reason. Success is hard to find, there’s no obvious meaning to anything. Even just the little things like the cold weather, Mondays, the way the grocery stores are lit and the God-awful cashiers that always look at you like they’d be better off if you weren’t alive.

Well… What life would you not want to jump from? — The woman asked.

Without all that, obviously! — He answered — A life filled with only beauty, happiness, love and peace. A life that’s easy and fun all the time, one where there’s apparent meaning to stuff and that we actually know what’s going on and why we’re here. A life where we know what the point of living is, a life with no heartbreaks, no tragedy, no conflict, no hardship, no mean grocery store cashiers. A life with no traffic, no Mondays, no pain. Everything would be perfect and I would never want to leave that life.

The man and the woman stare at each other for a second. It feels like a few.

So who are you? You have to tell me why you’re here now! — The man agitatedly asks again.

The woman moves closer to him.

I’m who you hoped I was. — She says.

Confused, the man backpedals a little, completely forgetting where he was standing.

What do you mean? — He asks.

The woman leans in to answer and pushes the man softly on his chest.

He falls backwards off the cliff.

The man wakes up in his bedroom. It’s a normal Tuesday morning. He thinks how horrible the nightmare was but like most dreams, he quickly forgets and moves on.

He gets out of bed and gets ready. Gets dressed, eats breakfast and leaves his house.

The sky is bright pink and purple with a sunny glow that illuminates the whole world. The grass is richly green and smells like the first spring to ever take place in the universe. The birds harmonize together perfectly. Every person is smiling ear to ear as if their faces are pinned in such a position.

He is entirely happy, has no sense of sadness. Everything is beautiful with no sight of ugliness. The world has no conflict, everyone loves each other equally, there’s no heartbreak, no hardship, no bad days, no traffic, no mean grocery store cashiers. Life is easy, smooth and fun. The meaning of life in nature is clear and everyone knows exactly what’s going on. Life is completely and entirely perfect.

A year or so goes by. The man is at home. He takes one last sip of whiskey, he gets in his car and drives to Glenwood Canyon. It’s not too far from where he lives.

He parks his car, takes out a flashlight and his car registration from the glove box and then unscrews his license plate. He throws his registration and license plate into the river as he walks to one of the highest spots in the canyon. He’s come to commit suicide.

The man stands at the edge of the Canyon thinking about his life one last time. He looks out at the massive beautiful landscape. The night sky sprinkled with stars seamlessly converges with the stone of the canyon’s edge as it drips down to the river beneath.

He feels nothing.

As he’s about to jump, a woman’s voice from behind yells — Hey!

Startled, the man almost falls but manages to catch himself. He turns around to find a woman appearing out of the forest. This woman’s presence is not interesting or perplexing to the man.

She approaches him.

Hello! — She says — What are you doing?

I’m going to jump — Says the man.

Why? — She asks.

It’s a waste being alive, isn’t it? There’s nothing to do, everything is easy and boring. I want to feel but there’s nothing to feel! — He answers.

Well… What life would you not want to jump from? — She asks.

A life that’s interesting and exciting and actually makes me feel anything, obviously! — He shouts.

What makes life that way? — The woman asks.

I don’t know — He answers — One where some stuff is beautiful but not everything or perhaps everything is beautiful but you don’t always notice it so you can actually appreciate it when you do. A life where you’re happy some of the time but not all the time and some of the time you actually feel really sad so you can tell the difference. One where not everyone loves each other and some people aren’t really that nice at all so you can actually feel special about a certain person. One where bad stuff happens once in a while. A life where things are actually kind of hard and finding success and meaning requires some thought and effort so it actually feels important when you find it. One where nothing is ever perfect but some stuff can get really close if you try hard enough. I’d never want to leave that life. Doesn’t it sound wonderful? — He asks.

Yes — She replies — It does.

The man turns around to look at the landscape over the cliff and tries to imagine a life like that.

The woman leans in and pushes him softly on the back. He falls forward off the cliff.

Hopefully, you see it this time — She says to herself.