WRITING

Using They/Them Pronouns to Enhance Your Writing

Improve the readability of your work. Inclusivity is a bonus.

Forget political correctness, you want your reading to be clear and easy to follow with a nice flow. Readers today click away so quickly you need to do everything in your power to keep them on the page.

They/them pronouns used as a singular third-person can help. Seriously.

I’ve been writing long enough that I’ve lived through several trends in how to handle third-person singular pronouns when writing about a generic someone as distinct from a person with a known gender. Of all the options available, the use of they/them often provides the smoothest, most understandable read.

Options Available

Here is a listing of the most common ways third person singular is handled in writing arranged roughly in order of historic popularity.

Default to he/him

This was the option I was first taught in school many decades ago. Since man was understood to be an acceptable stand-in for person if gender was not otherwise indicated, he, him, and his were the appropriate choice.

While this flows smoothly, he immediately makes one picture a man. No amount of arguing that the masculine is inclusive of all humanity changes this fact. You will rarely find anyone defending this approach now outside of conservative circles. If you use he exclusively nowadays, you risk alienating a large portion of your audience.

He or she, him or her

The next option I was taught was the clunky he or she, him or her, his or hers. This is better than the male as the default solution, but it doesn’t read smoothly no matter how you look at it. Some people use he/she or s/he instead, but this doesn’t do much to reduce the awkwardness.

It’s an unnecessary, in-your-face gendering. Rather than focusing on how whatever you are writing about applies to individuals in general, the mind jumps to questions of how it might apply to males and females differently. While once quite popular, this approach now feels contrived and outdated.

Alternate he and she

To get around the awkwardness of he or she, the next option I encountered was alternating between he and she in your writing. This definitely reads more smoothly but also has some drawbacks.

Using a gendered pronoun causes the reader to picture that gender. Even if both genders are being pictured over time, there still is a loss of inclusiveness in the reading.

In addition, alternating he and she might not be perceived the way you as a writer hope. A 2005 study conducted by professors at New Mexico State University found that readers viewed alternating pronoun usage as just as biased as using masculine pronouns only. In addition, they rated essays with alternating pronouns as having lower quality than ones using only masculine pronouns. The researchers conclude:

“If the author is trying to persuade a conservative audience, paired pronouns may be his or her best option. If, on the other hand, the author is at least as interested in changing the world as in persuading the audience, alternating pronouns may be used precisely because they are jarring to the reader. Alternating pronouns might make readers’ perceptions of the text somewhat less positive, but they might also motivate readers’ to think differently about sexism in language and in general. The authors need to decide whether they are willing to take this risk.”

Note that the study only looked at alternating he/she pronouns or using he alone and did not consider the other options examined here.

Default to she

Screw it, say some people. He has had centuries in the sun, I’m just going to use she for everything. While this may have some level of cosmic balance, it also bears all the problems of just using he. In addition, your readers will assume you are only referring to women.

Only use plural pronouns

Many writers today choose this approach if possible. Restructure your writing so that you avoid the singular altogether. For example, “When a student is struggling, she needs to request help,” becomes, “When students are struggling, they need to request help.”

Sometimes this works well, but often, it subtly changes the meaning. Frequently as a writer, you want your audience to be picturing one person, not a group. Furthermore, this approach takes conscious effort from the writer and can slow you down as you have to stop to rewrite sentences into the plural.

Avoid third-person pronouns altogether

Another popular approach is to avoid pronouns altogether as much as possible. The sentence above then becomes, “Struggling students need to request help.” This rewrite switches to plural and eliminates pronouns, so it carries some of the same downsides as the method above.

To remain in the singular, a writer can avoid pronouns by repeating the antecedent. “When a student is struggling, the student needs to request help.” Completely understandable but clunky and slows down the reading.

Sometimes it is possible to switch to the second person, “When you are struggling, you need to request help.” This works but may require changing the style and rewriting the entire paragraph or document.

Use they/them/theirs

This approach uses the plural pronouns they/them/theirs in much the same way that you is used for both second person singular and plural. For example, “When a student is struggling, they need to request help.” Whether or not the pronoun is being used as a singular or plural is inferred from the context.

This construction works anytime the writer wants to refer to a generic individual (anyone, someone, student, plumber, etc.) or to a distinct individual whose gender is unknown.

• When the plumber arrives, show them the leak in the kitchen.
• Someone named Leslie sent a text asking us to include them in the group chat.
• Anybody who has attended college will recognize the sort of person who manages to work their SAT scores into casual conversation.

History Lesson

I put they/them/theirs at the bottom of my roughly chronological list but I could also have listed it at the top. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the earliest written use of they as singular was in 1375. It wasn’t until the 18th century that grammarians began to say they could only be used as a plural and thus he/him was the correct pronoun to use in all cases of indeterminate gender.

The current debate over they/them echoes the debate over you as a singular pronoun that took place in the 1600s as the thee/thou singular second-person pronouns dropped out of favor.

“In 1660, George Fox, the founder of Quakerism, wrote a whole book labeling anyone who used singular you an idiot or a fool.”

Our language evolved, and now you is considered correct as both a singular and a plural pronoun. Even our current debate over using they/them as singular is centuries old.

“In 1794, a contributor to the New Bedford Medley mansplains to three women that the singular they they used in an earlier essay in the newspaper was grammatically incorrect and does no ‘honor to themselves, or the female sex in general.’ To which they honourably reply that they used singular they on purpose because ‘we wished to conceal the gender,’ and they challenge their critic to invent a new pronoun if their politically-charged use of singular they upsets him so much.” — “A Brief History of the Singular They,” OED

Why Choose They/Them?

There is no perfect answer here. While language constantly evolves and maybe they/them as a singular will become the universally accepted choice at some point, we are not currently there. Still, despite the outraged cry of some grammarians, given a dispassionate look at the options, they/them is a great choice to add to our writing toolkits.

It can be the least jarring to the reader

The whole point of pronouns is to make reading flow smoothly. If we chose an option that slows the reader down or draws attention to itself, we are taking a step backward rather than forward.

Which of these sentences flows most naturally while not suggesting the instructions apply only to one gender?

• If your roommate is unconscious, roll him onto his side so he won’t choke on his own vomit.
• If your roommate is unconscious, roll him or her onto his or her side so he or she won’t choke on his or her own vomit.
• If your roommate is unconscious, roll her onto her side so she won’t choke on her own vomit.
• If your roommates are unconscious, roll them onto their sides so they won’t choke on their own vomit.
• If your roommate is unconscious, roll your roommate onto your roommate's side so your roommate won’t choke on your roommate’s own vomit.
• If your roommate is unconscious, roll them onto their side so they won’t choke on their own vomit.

It is the way people speak already

Despite what your English teacher taught you about pronoun-antecedent agreement, most people break this rule all the time. Start to pay attention and you will see and hear it everywhere.

1. I called the doctor’s office, and they said there aren’t any appointments available until next week.
2. Our new prospect, Jordan, mentioned in an email that they don’t like the latest changes we made.
3. The applicant should give their resume to the receptionist before taking the test.
4. If someone wants this last doughnut, they may have it.

You’ll notice some patterns here. Office is a singular noun and the speaker presumably only spoke to one individual at the office. Since many people work there, they and their sound natural even to those who work very hard to follow prescriptive grammar rules.

In sentence number two, Jordan is a gender-neutral name. If the speaker tries to guess at gender it could derail the conversation. To read more about using they/them pronouns in the workplace read Katy Preen’s excellent article, “Getting Used to Using ‘They/Them’ Pronouns.”

Sentence three could easily be turned into a plural, but the formulation above works perfectly well and is likely to come naturally if the applicants are arriving one at a time rather than in a group.

Sentence four does not lend itself to pluralization easily given that there is only one doughnut. You could get around the problem by substituting you for they, but many people will automatically use they here without even noticing they are doing so.

Most people won’t notice

The singular use of they/them has already crept pervasively into our language. If you encountered the four sentences above in the wild, chances are high you wouldn’t even notice the lack of pronoun-antecedent agreement.

Experiment with this one and see if I’m right. In a previous job working for an educational institution, I started using they/them when it felt natural and appropriate in writing. No one ever commented despite the fact that much of what I wrote was reviewed and approved by others before being released.

It is easier for you as a writer

They/them will not always be the better formulation. Sometimes using a plural subject works as well or better. You also might choose to draw attention to gender to subtly challenge your readers' assumptions. For example, in a story about doctors, you could choose to alternate he and she or use she exclusively to make a point.

Having they/them as an option makes it easier to write quickly and clearly. Rather than carefully considering how to rewrite a sentence, you can choose the option that flows best and keeps attention focused on what you are writing, not how you are writing it.

It is inclusive

Singular they/them not only avoids distinguishing between male and female, but it also explicitly includes those who are non-binary. For some people, this is reason enough to avoid using it. If you are a person who insists that all people must fit strictly into a binary male or female framework and are willing to go to great lengths to reflect that belief in your writing, I suspect nothing I’m going to say will change your mind.

Note that even people who hold this opinion tend not to be consistent. Jordan Peterson, a professor from the University of Toronto, in an interview where he argued against using they/them to refer to non-binary individuals at their own request, says the following:

“I don’t recognize another person’s right to decide what words I’m going to use, especially when the words they want me to use,first of all, are non-standard elements of the English language and they are constructs of a small coterie of ideologically motivated people.”

While person here is singular, Peterson uses they as the pronoun to replace it. It is clearly trickier than you might imagine to consistently avoid the use of the singular they.

Most of us aren’t trying to go out of our way to be non-inclusive; we just want to follow the rules of good writing. If using singular they/them pronouns in certain situations can simplify your job as a writer, improve readability, and provide inclusion for a marginalized people group, why wouldn’t you embrace them?

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