Using Reverse Psychology On The Universe

Will using reverse psychology and reactance theory against the forces of fate actually work? Meh. See if I care!

Have you ever used reverse psychology on someone in order to nudge them in the direction you want them to go? Ever assured someone that you really don’t expect them to buy you a Christmas present this year, whilst knowing full well that you will be livid if there is nothing under the tree from them come December 25th? Have you ever told your partner/ teenager/ flatmate “don’t bother tidying up or anything. I’ll just do it, shall I?” Ever heard the phrase “see if I care” come out of your mouth?

I certainly have. In fact, I have a tendency to use reverse psychology not only on other people, but also on myself and, for some strange reason I can’t quite fathom, on the Universe/ Fate/ God/ or whatever else you might call the force that seems to keep sending my life on a never-ending rollercoaster ride of ups and downs.

Reverse Psychology and Reactance Theory

Reverse psychology is a manipulation technique by which one tries to make another person do something by suggesting that they do the opposite. It is often used by parents when dealing with rebellious children — “You could have some ice cream if you ate all your vegetables, but I don’t think you’re going to be able to finish all of them.” The child then races to finish all their veggies.

It is also used in advertising (e.g. Patagonia’s Common Threads Initiative slogan “Do not buy this jacket”), in dating and relationships, and in sales and marketing (known as Negative Reverse Selling), to name but a few examples.

Reverse psychology relies on the psychological phenomenon of reactance. Reactance theory was first posited in 1966 by Jack W. Brehm in “A theory of psychological reactance”. In the article, Brehm asked

“Why is it that a child sometimes does the opposite of what he is told? Why would a person sometimes dislike receiving a favor? Why is propaganda frequently ineffective in persuading people? And why would the grass in the adjacent pasture ever appear greener?”

Brehm argued that the answer could be found in reactance, “the motivation to regain a freedom after it has been lost or threatened”. In this way, when a person perceives that their free will is being impeded, they will behave in such a way as to challenge the threat. Most often, they achieve this by doing the exact opposite of what they are being told to do.

In their 1976 study “American graffiti: Effects of authority and reactance arousal” (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2, 264–267), James Pennebaker and Deborah Sanders placed two types of anti-graffiti signs in the men’s restrooms at a university. These signs read, “Please don’t write on these walls”, and “Do not write on these walls under any circumstances”.

Pennebaker and Sanders reported that the walls with the “Do not write on these walls under any circumstances” notices had far more graffiti on them. The pair interpreted these findings as a reflection of reactance arousal in the male college students.

Reverse-Psychologizing The “Wholly Other”

Despite being an atheist, I often find myself talking to (or, to put it more accurately, shouting at) something outside and apart from myself. I call it “The Universe”, but I’ve never quite figured out what exactly I envisage this “Universe” as being.

My therapist always encouraged me to contemplate this question, but even after several years of counselling, I never came to a conclusion. The closest I can come to explaining it (to myself, to my therapist, and to you, dear reader) is by using Rudolph Otto’s concept of the Mysterium tremendum et fascinans or “fearful and fascinating mystery”. This idea was set forth by Otto in his seminal work, The Idea of the Holy: An Inquiry into the Non-Rational Factor in the Idea of the Divine and its Relation to the Rational (1923).

In other words, it is that which is “wholly other” — “entirely different from anything we experience in ordinary life” — whatever guiding force/s beyond our comprehension are at work in the movement of our existences from one moment, one experience, and one state to another.

For some, this may be God, for others, perhaps, it is prana (“life force” or “vital principle”). For me, though, it is embodied in this amorphous term “The Universe”.

I am forever saying “You see?! The Universe hates me.” So much so, in fact, that were I not set on cremation rather than burial, I would suggest the phrase be etched into my gravestone.

When things appear to be going spectacularly (and uncharacteristically) well but then rapidly take a nose-dive straight into the toilet, I holler towards the sky, “Why must The Universe always dangle happiness under my nose, only to yank it away? Is it karma? What the hell did I do to deserve this EVERY. FUCKING. TIME?!”

Whenever I am working my butt off to better myself and my situation in life, I find myself saying, “of course, you realise that The Universe will never let you succeed at this. The Universe could never let you have something good.”

Spot the reverse psychology at the heart of this statement — it’s a prime example of the ways in which I attempt to use reactance theory against The Universe.

What exactly do I think “The Universe” is going to do in response, I wonder? Think to itself, “Don’t frickin’ tell ME what I will or won’t do! I’ll show you….”, then abandon its established game plan for destroying my life, and give me nothing but happiness, sunshine, joy and abundance from here on out?

If I’m being honest, yes. That is exactly what I’m hoping for.

Do I believe it will work? Of course not, and for two reasons.

Firstly, as my mother used to say, “what’s for you will not go past you”; whatever is destined to happen will happen, and whether it’s positive or negative, it’s what is meant for you at that time. This is a saying that I hold close to me, and even as I shout and rail at “The Universe” about my fucked-up Fate, I do find some comfort in the notion that “whatever will be will be, the future’s not ours to see, que sera sera”, et cetera.

Secondly? Well, as I’ve already explained, The Universe hates me, and It would never give me the pleasure of reverse psychologizing it into submission.

And I don’t even want it to anyway. I actually really like it when things go wrong, as it puts a fire in my belly and inspires me to try even harder.

So, when The Universe inevitably fails to fall for my reactance theory ploy and throw me a frikkin’ bone?

Meh. See if I care.

(See what I did there? Shhh… Don’t let on ;) )

Jupiter Grant is a self-published author, blogger, narrator, and audiobook producer. Buy me a coffee here: https://ko-fi.com/jupitergrant

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