TAG — YOU’RE IT

Used, Rinsed & Resealed

I fully believe in “Purpose” and in re-purposing

As such, I am starting a new business venture and need your help.

Condominimum — Used condoms delivered to your doorstep.

The condom is surely the ultimate ‘purpose product’. So if I can re-purpose it, I’m economic gold. Surely?

The market was valued at USD 5.31 billion in the year 2021 and it is expected to reach USD 10.97 billion by the year 2030. That’s big growth right there. Something my wife is not familiar with.

5 billion condoms are used per annum with China as the largest consumer and the UK second. The USA is sixth with the 18–24 age group being the largest users.

Not sure what happens after 24 … perhaps abstinence or marriage. Both will kill any bedroom action, apparently.

If we can grow to 10% of the worldwide market, that is a business. I already have investors — Malky McEwan is one and he is Scottish. You know how tight Scots are with a wallet. Bev Potter is doing our legal contracts, so we are safe as houses there. And Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) is chairman of the board and our resident medical officer and product tester.

Sadly due to old age, he is only able to test one condom per quarter, but it is better than nothing.

Terry Trueman will be providing the poem on the packaging. Be creative Terry dearest.

We will be experimenting with musical condoms. While you are shagging, it will play songs like Campton Races or She Will Be Coming Round The Mountain … in time to your thrusting.

Soon we will have a system whereby you can program the music of choice directly onto your condom.

For Michael, we have included ‘lazy river’ for his condom song. He’s a bit slow.

I am offering USA 2 cents for used condoms in any condition. The idea came to me as I read the piece at the bottom from a great writer I follow, Malky McEwan. And further, it’s not a new idea. The Egyptians did it centuries ago. Reusing condoms is not new.

Malky says we should “buy nothing new” … and I agree with him.

The Scots do that for me. I read about them:- tartans, whiskey, kilts, whiskey, bagpipes, the flushing toilet, whiskey, haggis, whiskey … and ideas just come flooding in. But it was penicillin that led me to condoms. They invented it you know. Penicillin, not condoms.

I think it was to counteract fried battered Mars bars.

I ran it up the ‘flag pole’ with my resident guru, Smillew Rahcuef and he said, “I’m in! Not baaaahd”. Admittedly he was herding sheep at the time.

Reuben Salsa asked me if I could trust Smillew’s judgment. He knows Smillew well. I replied —

“you cannot create new, from old ideology. Give peas a chance.” badabing!

Which sounds impressive, unless the guru is a mugu, and the jury is out on that score. You see, Smillew has a history of shrewd business ideas. 7 Children, furry hats, boobs, Smillew coins. This guy is possibly the next Elon Musk … if The Great Flood happened again, or once, and everybody drowned with only one person surviving on a desert island. And it’s him.

But he is VERY supportive and confident. That goes a long way with us Gen X’ers.

Condomites Unite

If it’s punctured, worn out, or has fire burns — this is mainly for the benefit of younger users, rectal soiled, soiled, bloodied, or slightly odorous … fear not. We can fix that. Using our patented formula of used long drop juice and deer pee, we sanitize the shit out of them, so to speak.

Holes or punctures and we send it to our laboratory in WUHAN, China and they apply a chicken spit and pork-belly-fat concoction to the hole, and hey-presto! It’s repaired.

We have only one condition — it cannot have any DNA from Donald Trump on the condom. The world can only handle one dick of that magnitude, at a time.

We offer free postage to anywhere within the great State of Florida, Ittoqqortoormiit, and Tristan Da Cunha. Why Florida you ask, think retired old people — at best we will only send 2 condoms there. To Ron De Santos. He’s one of the biggest dicks I know.

We re-sell in packs of 10 and add one free, so it’s a muffin dozen which is close to a baker’s dozen, but not quite there.

If you are not sure if it’s re-usable, send us a pic with as much detail as you feel comfortable offering, of why you think it may be a problem, and our ‘team’ will get back to you.

PS:- We reserve the right to use your pic for ‘advertising’ purposes.