Use These Four Little Words to Transform Your Life

And no it’s not “large portion of fries”

We’re all searching for an explanation. Some profound advice, life-altering wisdom, complex yet comprehensible knowledge. We just want answers, you know?

So we buy self-help books. We attend therapy. We apply for courses and pay for guidance and honestly, we’d sell our souls to Lucifer if he was rated high enough on Quora. Despite our expertise and our passions and our experiences — we’re all just tiny sacks of flesh incubating beneath a giant cosmic lamp, searching for something that will help us feel better.

And often we look to the very stars to seek these truths, so busy looking for something Big to make life easier that we forget; it often resides within the Small. Whilst we gaze up at the sky, we’re blind to the solution that is scribbled right there on the back of our hand.

So. Here I present to you a small sedative to help numb the atrocities of life. It might not do much, or maybe it’ll do a lot. who knows? But regardless, whatever adversity you’re facing right now — a pandemic or even just a poorly pet budgie — it’s worth a try. It just might help.

And I Love That

That’s it. That’s the solution.

Okay, maybe not solution. There is no remedy or cure to this disease we call Living™, but there’s things we can do to alleviate the suffering every now and then. And that right there — that’s perhaps the easiest, simplest, most inclusive, easily transportable, cost-effective and honestly, downright cutest example of such.

Those four little words:

“….and I love that.” — Justin McCarron.

I found them on page 120 of Oh’s Autumn Issue 56, their puss-in-boots-esque eyes blinking up at me, luring me in. But unlike Puss in Boots, I was not accosted. They did not pinch my stash of catnip. I was actually just entranced.

Why? Why is this phrase seemingly such a powerful tool? How does it help? How do you apply this to any and all areas of life? And what, exactly, is that? Why do we love it so?

To answer your questions, let me give you an example:

Your car has broken down. The next train has been cancelled. You have only twenty three minutes to get to your tattoo appointment – the one you’ve been waiting five months for plus eight redesigns and a near break up with your girlfriend when you considered getting her name – but it’s an hours journey. Let’s face it. We know it. You know. Your tattoo artist Lola is soon to know it. You won’t make it. There’s no chance.

“There’s no way I’ll get there in time….” you whisper to yourself, crestfallen. And then, after a few moments contemplation, you suck in a breath and you add, “….and I love that.”

And I Love That

As it turns out, “that” is referring to any adverse situation you might be facing. And you love it. Why? Because what’s the alternative? Feeling negative towards it? Allowing unsolicited amounts of stress and panic and worry to overwhelm you? Getting angry? Feeling frantic? Being afraid? Why would you prefer those outcomes?

The chances are, you wouldn’t. It’s just that they’re our natural human response. Whatever biological reflex or experiential conditioning those reactions are born from, they’re typically involuntary and volatile and downright unnecessary. Nobody chooses to get annoyed. Nobody wants to freak out. Nobody decides that hey, do you know what will solve this entire problem in one swift motion? Punching a hole through my bathroom door *chefs kiss*.

Sure, you could shake your fist at the sky and curse all modes of transport. You could send abusive emails to your tattooists boss. You could scream into the void or the abyss or your Adidas hoody and spend the remainder of the day in a grump, taking it out on your loving girlfriend. OR. You know, you could not. Which, I know, is never as easy as it sounds. We all want to react calmly and patiently and with self-awareness within these situations, but it’s not always that simple.

Until now.

The addition of those four tiny words can alter your mindset entirely. Even if it takes a couple moments to remember to tack them onto the end of your sentence. Even if you need to shut your eyes, breathe deeply and just repeat them in your head. Whisper to yourself “this situation sucks….and I love that.”

How does it work? It serves as a reminder to yourself that you get to choose exactly what you think and feel and, as a result, do. You are convincing your own mind that actually you’re not irritated by this entire scenario, instead, you’re inspired by it. You’re catching yourself before you do something you might later come to regret. You’re letting this unexpected turn of events positively impact your life by choosing only to see the best in it. Because that’s all it is; a choice. And yeah, it might take a little while to adjust to. You might forget to say it. You might have very little faith in the entire thing. But just try it, if nothing else, and take your time. Then take it further. Tell yourself exactly why you love that:

• “Because it gives me chance to exercise my patience.”
• “Because I get to think outside of the box.”
• “Because I’ve been afforded the opportunity to put my problem solving skills to use.”
• “Because it reminds me to be grateful for the things that do run smoothly.”
• “Because I get to use these moments to reevaluate my actions going forward.”
• “Because it means I get to try something new.”
• “Because I can use it as an excuse to go treat myself to a footlong tuna Subway. Extra chipotle sauce.”

As McCarron says in the article, adding that little expression of love at the end will “disarm” the initial thought. It will “take the edge off.” It won’t necessarily solve the problem and it might not make things any easier, but it’ll certainly warm it, soften it, “smother it with compassion” and kill it with kindness. It keeps you present, you’re not trapped in what just happened, you’ve left it there in the past and you’re moving forward. So don’t think of it as a lie. It’s not “fake positivity,” as McCarron confirms. It’s simply “realistic optimism.” It’s just a truth that only comes to light when you wade through the darkness to find it. And that’s exactly what you’re doing.

So just try it. No matter what the instance might be.

If you have deleted an entire chapter of your novel. If you’ve smashed your grandfather’s urn. If your cat has just crapped on your Doc Martens. If your parents are getting divorced. If your favourite latte has been taken off the menu. If your pantry floods. If Robert Pattinson still hasn’t replied to your emails. If Cupid retires. If an entire pandemic sweeps the globe.

Just remember: you love that.