Use Gratitude To Make It Through the Toughest Hours

Researchers and Auschwitz survivors teach us that gratitude can lighten the darkest days and save lives

I used to gripe about my parent’s relationship a lot. But now, I recognise all their efforts to provide us with a fulfilling life.

Every Saturday, my dad would rise early to either take us horse riding or gather my cousins for a museum visit. There was no staying home doing nothing. Instead, he always sought ways to keep us engaged.

Afterward, we’d head to my grandmother’s for lunch. She had a housekeeper living with her who was an amazing chef. She’d start us off with a hearty vegetable soup, followed by a main dish, salad, and dessert.

In the afternoon, it was my mom’s time to take us to friend’s houses or the cinema. Occasionally, I would stay in my grandmother’s home reading and waiting for the afternoon tea if I knew there would be scones.

Still, I can hear myself complaining about my father’s moods or how they got along with each other.

Today, I wonder if I was wearing negativity-tinted glasses.

It’s too easy to become a complaint expert. It’s too easy to see defects and faults in every corner.

Becoming grateful is the secret ingredient to avoid this form of negativity.

Grumbling around is like constantly tuning in to your least favourite music. Before you know it, you’re souring your mood, draining your energy, and making everyone around you want earplugs.

It’s intriguing to observe the dynamics within families. I have two uncles, brothers by blood and deeply bonded, yet they frequently air out grievances about one another.

One common lament? The constant showcasing of their respective nuclear family’s accomplishments turns family gatherings into a subtle rivalry. In the end, what they are looking for is attention, recognition, and love from one another.

While it’s tempting to lament whatever soft challenges we have, it’s essential to put things in perspective because life is full of real hardships.

History has shown that even in the most harrowing of circumstances, some find reasons to be grateful.

While it’s easy to become consumed by negativity, as the psychiatric and historian Dimsdale says while analysing victims of the Holocaust,

A person at all times has a choice as to what to focus on-foreground or background— good or bad. — Joel E. Dimsdale

Gratitude Lessons From the Most Unthinkable Place — Auschwitz

Diving into the Holocaust studies, I stumbled upon some jaw-dropping narratives from prisoners who survived Auschwitz.

The Nazi concentration camps killed 72% of the Eastern and Central European Jews. In Auschwitz alone, the extermination took more than one million. The inmates faced senseless violence, total rule, overcrowding, starvation, and destruction of values, status, and family.

Amid the shadows of unparalleled horror, many inmates focused on simple gratifications, “like getting through the food line without a beating”:

A clap on Henry’s shoulder from a friend, “Everything will be alright, cheer up,” was a breath of hope enough to give him strength to not giving up.

For Sarah, an extra piece of bread was like a feast.

For Tanya, watching the sunset across the field felt like a warm embrace, and a blessing from God of one more day alive.

and for all, having a friend, was like finding Gold.

If individuals facing unimaginable horrors could find moments of gratitude, how can we, in our comparatively comfortable lives, not recognize our blessings?

Sara was 20 years old in 1939. Immediately after the Poland invasion, Sara lost her parents and was separated from her husband and infant son. Hope to get back to her family and faith that good will prevail are what kept her alive:

“The feeling that someone needs you is more important for survival than just the feeling that you have to survive.

A good period for me was we had to work on Saturday and were in camps where we could walk in the fields and sometimes had the luck to catch a carrot or a potato.”

Tanya survived the camp through faith:

“I thought, I tried, I did all kinds of things to survive, and to help others survive but after a while, it was only God who allowed me to survive.

We Jews have always been great sufferers, and I knew we would grow up and survive this too.”

Saul struggled to survive the camp, knowing that in the end, he would be reunited with his family, wife, and son. But he lost both:

“In Aushwitz, I only suffered physicaly but spiritually, hope maintained me alive.”

Their resilience in coping and gratitude under such extremes is a humbling lesson and a powerful slap to our modern-day pettiness.

However, I can not forget that every survivor’s story is its own unique experience. And that some could not cope with the situation and went into total withdrawal. They were called the Musselman.

This was a stage characterised by profound apathy, total indifference to the surroundings, and lack of response. Unfortunately, they were easily selected to never return.

The Real Deal With Gratitude — Science Doesn’t Lie

Gratitude isn’t just some fluffy concept; it’s backed by cold, hard science, and it is transformative:

Robert A. Emmons and Michael E. McCullough found that people scribbling down their weekly “thankful for” notes were cheerier, felt more enthusiastic about the future, and, surprise, even felt physically fitter than the moaners.

Martin Seligman and the team figured that sending a simple Thank you letter could boost your happiness levels through the roof. They observed that a gratitude visit or letter did indeed show an increase in happiness and a decrease in depressive symptoms.

And the kicker? That high lasts for weeks!

And get this: Emmons and McCullogh's piece in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology unearthed that gratitude is the secret sauce to bouncing back.

In a study involving combat veterans, those with PTSD showed lower dispositional gratitude than those without. Still, gratitude was linked to improved daily well-being in both groups, suggesting the potential therapeutic value of gratitude for trauma survivors.

Moral of the story? Gratitude isn’t just an Instagram hashtag; it’s a proven legit game-changer.

Here’s How To Include Gratitude in Your Life

Embrace perspective over pettiness

Life is filled with ups and downs, but the lens through which we view it matters.

Instead of drowning yourself in daily grievances, try viewing life from a bird’s-eye perspective.

Understand that our minor inconveniences pale in comparison to the challenges many have faced throughout history.

Our ancestors, like the Auschwitz survivors, clung to gratitude even in the direst of circumstances, transforming the smallest acts of kindness or tiny glimmers of hope into life-saving anchors. If they could find beauty in the bleakest of times, we, with our myriad of privileges, certainly can.

Actively seek the bright side

In every situation, no matter how grim, there’s a positive angle to be unearthed. Perhaps it’s a lesson learned, a bond strengthened, or a moment of unexpected happiness.

Like the Auschwitz prisoners who cherished simple acts of kindness or a shared carrot, you can shift your focus to celebrate the little victories, joys, and gestures in your life.

Try this:

• Meditate for 5 minutes at the beginning of the day: Consider the bad things that can happen so that you are prepared to put them in perspective. This can be the traffic, your printer that can break, house cleaning issues, a burned dinner, and the list goes on.
• Then, think about what you will be grateful for — your morning coffee, the bread on the table, and dinner surrounded by your family. Make it a fun moment.
• Share your experiences and your thoughts with them.

Reconnect and cherish family and friends bonds

Family and friend dynamics can often be complex, burdened with past grievances and often unspoken emotions. But underneath all the layers, there’s usually a foundation of love and connection.

Before diving into the spiral of rivalries or seeking validation, remember the essence of friendship and family: a support system that loves and cares for you, even with its imperfections. It’s not about competing for attention but about valuing the bond.

Try something as simple as this:

• Write a letter and send it through the mail. Send them a thank you note for something they did in the past that made you happy, or something they said, or the moments you played together, or the funny situations you went through— let them know they matter.

Acknowledge and write a gratitude journal

Science supports the benefits of gratitude, both mentally and physically.

Not only does it elevate your mood, but it also reshapes your outlook toward life, making you more resilient in the face of adversity. Remember, gratitude isn’t a mere trend but a transformative practice.

Try this:

• Start a gratitude journal: Don’t knock it till you try it. Scribble down three things you’re grateful for in your day. You’ll spot blessings like you’re on a treasure hunt.

Ditch the negativity glasses

Every individual has a unique filter through which they view life. It’s essential to occasionally evaluate and cleanse this filter.

If it’s clouded with negativity or complaints, it might be time to swap them out for gratitude-tinted ones.

Recall the love and efforts of those around you, just like the childhood memories of family outings and afternoon teas. Transform your complaints into appreciation and watch your world change.

Try this:

• Flip the Script: Had a bad day? Challenge yourself: “What’s the good in this? What can I laugh about later?”

I use spices daily. Some of them are left in the back, and I forget to see them. Gratitude is like that forgotten spice in your kitchen. Use it so your life can taste better.

Remember!

In essence, life will always present us with challenges, both small and large. Dealing with my parent’s relationship was one of them. And it often blinded me to acknowledge their efforts and to see that I had a blessed childhood.

We choose the narrative we craft, the attention we give to the positive aspects, and the gratitude we express can change not just our perspective but our entire experience of life.

Gratitude is the secret ingredient of a juicy life. From the victims’ experiences to lab-coat scientists, the verdict’s clear: gratitude isn’t just beneficial and good; it’s transformational.

And remember, you don’t need to be happy to be grateful, but being grateful? That’ll make you happy. Period.

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