Unused Scenes From ‘Friends’ That Attempted To Discuss 9/11
JOEY: Wait. Are you telling me these guys killed thousands of people for… virgins?!
INT. MONICA’S KITCHEN
[MONICA cooks while ROSS reads a magazine.]
ROSS: All I’m saying is that Islam has some problems.
MONICA: Oh, come on! Every religion has problems. You can’t single out Islam because of a small group of radicals.
ROSS: That small group of radicals took out the World Trade Center!
[RACHEL enters.]
RACHEL: Ugly Naked Guy is on his roof waving an American flag! We think he’s gonna fall!
MONICA: Hold that thought.
[MONICA runs towards the window]
[The AUDIENCE laughs.]
INT. CENTRAL PERK
[PHOEBE stands on the stage with her guitar.]
PHOEBE: Hi everybody. Before I start, I wanted to have a moment of silence for all those that lost their lives on September 11th. So, if everyone can just bow their heads for a moment and close their eyes… Hey, you in the back. Yes, you too. I don’t want to see any faces. Okay? Alright. The silence begins now.
[People murmur in the back]
PHOEBE: I SAID SILENCE!
[The Audience laughs.]
[The room silences.]
PHOEBE: Good.
[It remains silent for a small moment.]
PHOEBE: Thank you, guys! That was very special. Now, this first song is new so I hope you like it. It’s called: “Where Are You Osama Bin Laden?”
[The AUDIENCE laughs.]
INT. CAB
[CHANDLER is in the backseat of a cab. MUHAMMAD drives.]
CHANDLER’S MIND: Calm down. Everything’s okay. Nothing is out of the ordinary here. He’s just a regular guy, doing his regular job. Just your regular ol’… Muhammad.
[The AUDIENCE laughs.]
[MUHAMMAD’s cell phone rings. He picks it up and speaks in Arabic.]
CHANDLER’S MIND: Hey, stop it! He’s just speaking his native language. That’s no reason to be concerned. It’s probably just, you know, his wife asking when he’s coming home for dinner, okay? Man. Stop being so afraid all the time.
MUHAMMAD: Excuse me sir.
CHANDLER: AH! What?
MUHAMMAD: We’re here.
[The AUDIENCE laughs.]
CHANDLER: I wasn’t — It’s not because you’re scary. I wasn’t scared of you. Not that I should be! Because you’re no different than us! We’re all the same here. And — and — and why am I still talking?
[The AUDIENCE laughs.]
INT. CHANDLER AND JOEY’S APARTMENT
[CHANDLER and JOEY sit in recliners while they watch TV.]
JOEY: Wait. Are you telling me these guys killed thousands of people for… virgins?!
[The AUDIENCE laughs.]
INT. BAGGAGE DESK
[Ross annoyingly talks to a Baggage Assistant.]
ROSS: I just don’t get it. How do you lose someone’s luggage?
BAGGAGE ASSISTANT: I’m sorry, sir. Every once in a while things get lost in transportation.
ROSS: So, if there was a bomb inside my bag, then what? You’d be screwed.
BAGGAGE ASSISTANT: Sir, please. You can’t say something like that.
ROSS: Like what? I’m just asking what would happen IF I had a bomb. It’s a rhetorical question.
[The BAGGAGE ASSISTANT grabs her radio.]
BAGGAGE ASSISTANT: I need security.
[The Audience laughs.]
ROSS: Hey, wait! I didn’t say I had a bomb. Are you listening? I said, “What if I had a bomb?”
BAGGAGE ASSISTANT: It doesn’t matter, sir. Please step away.
ROSS: It does matter! I didn’t say anything wrong!
[The OFFICER enters.]
BAGGAGE ASSISTANT: He said he had a bomb.
ROSS: I said “IF.” “IFFFFF.”
[The Audience laughs.]
OFFICER: Sir, please put your hands behind your back.
[The OFFICER grabs Ross’s wrists and handcuffs him.]
ROSS: Ow. That hurts!
OFFICER: Come on, McVeigh! Start walking!
[ROSS sighs.]
ROSS: Thanks a lot al-Qaeda.
[The Audience laughs.]
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