(Unpopular) Life Advice I’ll Give My Daughter

What she needs instead of a lot of money

Since the birth of my daughter two years ago, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want her life to be like.

The world is becoming an increasingly complicated place. With so many choices, distractions and opinions, it can take ages to sort through the noise before you finally figure out what’s actually meaningful. I know it did for me.

I want my daughter’s world to be a less complicated and more comfortable place. For that, I’ll help her focus on what’s important right from the start.

She doesn’t have to be successful

I once asked a friend of mine in London if she knew what she wanted her one-year-old daughter to be when she grew up. “She can be anyone,” she replied. “What if she wants to be a hairdresser?” I probed. “Sure. As long as she’s the most successful hairdresser in London,” she concluded.

It got me thinking.

Is being successful really a measure of one’s happiness? Take one look at modern-day celebrities and you’ll have your answer. It’s amazing how many people have mistaken stroking their ego for life fulfilment.

So if anyone asks me what I want my daughter to be, I’ll tell them that I want her to follow her bliss, whatever it may be, and I want her to be at peace, with herself and the world, which in itself is a tall task.

I didn’t push her to walk, read or talk early. I didn’t want a baby Einstein. I won’t fill up her schedule with after-school activities in hope that she gets into Harvard. Instead, I hope she does something, anything, that makes her happy and applies herself fully, to the best of her abilities.

And that, I’ll tell my daughter, is my vision of success.

But she must love nature

I spent my entire 20s, and some of my 30s, hitting my head against the wall in New York. Just to discover, accidentally, that I was a much more relaxed, and better, person when I was in nature.

The more time I spent in parks, mountains, and waters of all kinds the more I realized that we humans were not made to spend our days locked away in air-less offices, surviving on coffee and online gossip. We’re at our best when we’re out in fresh air, like hunters and gatherers before us.

After all, what’s more natural than nature?

I wonder if the craziness that is modern-day America is a result of country-wide cabin fever. Yet, sadly, nature is not only being overlooked but destroyed by modern man.

So, when it comes to my daughter, who’s been going on regular hikes since two weeks of age, I make it a priority to incorporate nature into her life as much as possible. I want it to become her safe place. Even if it means sending her to a forest school, so popular in my husband’s home country of Denmark.

After all, it’s only by loving nature that our children will learn the importance of protecting it. And without that, humanity is doomed.

She doesn’t need a lot of money

I’ll go against everything America stands for and teach my daughter that she doesn’t need a lot of money. That’s right. She needs just enough to live comfortably. And, if I teach her well, she won’t need a lot for that, too.

I would rather she was able to safely ride a bicycle every day than drove a Mercedes. I’d rather she cherished her home, no matter how small and modest it is than lived in a luxurious villa. I’d rather she enjoyed reading books than owned a fancy TV. And I’d rather she had, and appreciated, her friends and family close by than traveled around the world First Class.

Money can make you comfortable but it still, cannot buy you happiness.

But she needs healthy relationships

And all the money in the world can’t buy you friends and family. It took me three decades to learn to cherish other people in my life, not just take them for granted. I lost friends along the way. I lost family members. At 38, I’m still learning how to build lasting relationships, which are at the core of our well-being.

For years, I hopped countries and cities with ease, leaving friends and relatives behind. Now I’m left to pick up the pieces and take the inventory of those who remained close despite my comings and goings.

It took me a long time, but I now have a strong urge to surround myself with time-tested friends and to live close to my parents again.

So, to my daughter, I’ll say: cherish your friends and family more than your possessions and achievements. At the end of the day, they’re all you have.

And there’s no place like home

Growing up, I dreamed of traveling the world. I had to get out of my home town and my home country. And so I did.

It took me fifteen years of moving around to become grounded again. I couldn’t return home, so I had to make a new one instead. I’m still working on it, and the effort is so time and energy-consuming.

I hope my daughter gets to see the world too, and with a travel-junkie mother like me, I’m sure she will. But I also hope that traveling won’t define her. That she won’t have to pack up and move every two years, just to find some elusive happiness.

Whether we end up in America or Europe, I hope I’ll have created a good home for my daughter there. A home where she feels safe and that she chooses to return to after her travels.

Because without a place to call home, we are forever lost.