Unhappy Teenage Years = Happier Adult Years?

Maybe there was a reason behind the suffering

I like many others I did not have the best of times during my adolescent years. Not that it was terrible, I never got bullied or anything, but I felt like I had an apologetic demeanor about myself, even when I had done nothing wrong.

I had a dark outlook on life and often felt that life was out to get me.

At school, the jocks were also geniuses too, so it was hard for me to know where I fitted in.

I likened myself to being an overachieving underachiever in a lot of ways. I was always up there academically; I showed glimpses of being good at sport, despite my recurring knee problems seeing fit to hinder that from progressing further, but overall school never interested me enough to make me want to excel, nor want to be consistent.

Back in My Day

The pressures that teenagers face nowadays are astonishing. When I left school, there were barely any worthwhile apps on an iPhone, and understanding the repercussions of unconsciously posting on the internet was in its infancy.

Nowadays, teenagers have to deal with social media, cyber-bullying, revenge porn, FOMO, and that’s without mentioning the normal pressures that come with the territory of school and adolescent life.

Teenagers are expected to try to find themselves in an environment designed for conformity, where if you conform too much, you’re regarded as a brownnoser, teacher’s pet, or a bit of a drip, or, you could try your hand imposing your authenticity, but know that you’re doing so at the mercy of your peers, which more often than not can be soul-crushing, particularly if you felt like you never fit in the first place.

Maybe there was a reason it was hard. Maybe there’s a justification for the suffering and unhappiness that we underwent in our adolescence. What if it was actually laying the foundations for a better life to enter?

The Blessings of an Unhappy Adolescence

‘‘As you grow and evolve, it might feel like you’re losing your mind, but you’re just losing the old mindset that was holding you back’’.

- Anonymous

Although we may not appreciate it until we reach adulthood, adolescence can become the best time to plant the seeds of who we want to be.

According to The School of Life, an organization dedicated to raising awareness in self-development, calmness, connection, and self-understanding:

‘‘Teenagers tend to hate themselves. They hate the way they look, how they speak, the way they come across. It feels like the opposite of being loved, but in fact, these isolated, self-hating moments are the start of love. These feelings are what will, one day, be at the bedrock of the ecstasy we’ll feel in the presence of that rare partner who can accept and desire us back. Tenderness will mean nothing to us unless we first spent many nights alone crying ourselves to sleep’’.

Perhaps it’s only through going through these wars we become better equipped to understand and appreciate the love that comes into our life.

Perhaps it’s only through the suffering of being judged by others in an environment filled with people who’ve grown up with us (who also have a backlog of dirt on us), are we then forced to dig deep within ourselves to discover who we truly are.

When everything runs smoothly on the surface, we have no need to go deep within ourselves.

Unhappiness forces change. We’ve seen this in history and the growth of civilization through war and technological innovations.

For me, going through my own existential crisis’ as a teenager has allowed me to cultivate my curiosity and pursue a deeper meaning for my life.

‘‘No tree can grow to heaven unless it’s roots reaches down to hell’’

- Carl Jung

Had I had the perfect adolescence, I would not have needed to want to come to terms with my shadow, much less confront it.

To me, the level of authenticity you’re happy to show to the world is permeated by how much of your own darkness and insecurities you can accept.

That’s not to say we should just accept it and not try to work on it, but it shouldn’t rule us.

An unhappy adolescence forces us into introspection that later life does not necessarily allow us to access, as we are more and more bombarded by responsibilities taking our attention away from facing ourselves in the first place.

It’s better to be forced into it early on than to be blind to it at a later stage.

Without dissatisfaction in life, there is no want for growth. Having a perfect life breeds complacency with no meaningful lesson to take away from it.

When we are younger, the world feels more imposing than it normally is, because it is.

For a time, this may leave us lost in our own darkness, making us yearn for better times, but it’s only then can we truly understand and appreciate our light.

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