Understanding the highly sensitive person

Being highly sensitive can be a challenge, but building understanding can help turn your sensitivity into a powerful tool.

by: E.B. Johnson

Being a highly sensitive person isn’t easy. Without carefully coming to understand the way you function and process emotion and interaction, you can find yourself becoming overwhelmed or overcome in this chaotic world. From the physical stressors of day-to-day living, to the emotional burden of our closest relationships — when you’re a highly sensitive person it takes a lot of understanding to find an even-footing and the happiness we’re all so desperately looking for.

If you want to harness the power of your sensitivity, you have to start by understanding it and the way it impacts your life. Only by getting to the root of your sensitive nature and the disruptions it causes can you get real about setting boundaries that work for you and the future you want to create. Step back from the overwhelm and the pressure and the emotional labor. Step into freedom by increasing your knowledge. Sensitivity is a great gift, but it has to be shifted and reshaped in ways that better serve our purpose and our path.

The highly sensitive person.

Highly sensitive people — or HSP’s — are also commonly referred to as being empaths or having SPS (sensory processing sensitivity). This can mean a number of different things to a number of different people and can be both mild or major in its affliction. Though it might frequently be referred to as a negative trait, nothing could be further from the truth. Being an HSP has great strength to it when it’s understood and harnessed effectively.

Being highly sensitive spreads across a few different categories. To some, it’s simply a personality trait, while to others it might be a diagnosable condition. Those who are highly sensitive are most often those who lead deep and rich inner lives, while being moved by beauty, art and emotion. They’re also those who can become overwhelmed by the nonverbal and emotional cues of those around them, and those who need definitive down time or space to rest and recharge themselves alone.

While HSP’s are, at their core, wonderful and compassionate people, they can also suffer from a number of different forms of stress that undermines their longterm happiness. What others think and feel matters to the sensitive person, and the way they exist in relation to others matters to the sensitive person. Finding themselves in conflict can lead to deep emotional trauma that takes them weeks and years to overcome and think through. When you’re a highly sensitive person or an empath, you have to learn how to spot your triggers and lean how to harness your sensitivity as a source of strength.

The types of HSP’s.

Not all HSP’s are created equal. There are a number of different ways someone can be “sensitive” and not all of them look the same. From crowd sensitivities to the emotional empath, these are the most common types of HSP’s and the ways in which they can become emotionally or physically overwhelmed.

Emotional

The emotional HSP is the most common type of HSP and the one we most usually think of when we think of a sensitive person. When someone bears this type of sensitivity, they pick up on the emotions of others and feel them as if they were theirs as well. They experience these emotions deeply and in a way which can both positively and negatively effect them and the decisions that they make for self and life.

Physical

Sensitive people can also come in the form of those who are physically sensitive, or able to pick up on the physical elements of awareness or illness. To these HSP’s being physically touched or in physically proximity of a lot of people can overwhelm them, causing them to revert or pull back. Some of these empaths can also feel as though they take on the physical emotional effects of those they’re close to. Think sympathy pains, but on a much deeper scale.

Intuitive

Intuitive empaths are those who find themselves able to pick up on the emotional vibrations of others just from being in close proximity together.While this can be a great gift, it can be quite taxing too, and — without careful attention — it can become a real disruptor in our personal lives and relationships.

The downside of being sensitive.

Being a highly sensitive person can be seen as a great gift, but it can also come with a number of downsides. Among these includes things like overwhelm, a need to please, and sometimes even a feeling of needing to avoid things that are too intense or uncomfortable. While your sensitivity can be used to great benefit, it can also be your greatest weakness until you know how to wield it effectively.

Overwhelm

Overwhelm is one of the most common and damaging side-effects of being a highly sensitive person. HSP’s can find themselves overwhelmed by anything from sensory stimuli to emotional stimuli. Because they absorb and internalize everything, it’s easy for them to take in too much and find themselves needing to take a step back in order to preserve their personal wellbeing. Whether it’s bright lights, big crowds, or just being too far from home too frequently — overcoming overwhelm takes knowing the triggers.

Complicated relationships

Relationships can get complicated sometimes for the highly sensitive person. This is because their emotional states can sometimes come to odds with that of the people they care about most, something that arises from their need to take on all the stress of the people around them. The secret to overcoming that is opening up honest and unbroken channels of communication

Issue sponge

For some reason, the highly sensitive person seems to become an issue sponge for those around them. Others will use them to lighten their burdens, and might feel compelled to overshare or emotionally vomit all over the sensitive person. Likewise, the highly sensitive person also (usually) feels compelled to listen — taking on the emotional burden of the person they’re engaged with. This is neither fair nor healthy and, more often than not, leads to distance and resentment in the relationship; be it professional or personal.

Doormat effect

Because sensitive people are so in tune with their feelings, it’s easy for them to feel compassion or empathy for their friends and loved ones. To some, this compassion becomes an opportunity to take advantage, and the sensitive person can quickly find themselves becoming a doormat and prisoner to not only their emotional whims, but the emotional whims of others as well. Like pushing a child out of the road, but staying in the line of the oncoming bus yourself, the doormat effect is an easy one to slide into for the HSP.

Crowd overload

Big crowds can really overwhelm the sensitive person not only for the emotional aspects, but the physical aspects as well. It takes a lot of energy to deal with large crowds or cramped spaces, and it takes a lot of physical willpower and internal, emotional fortitude. Therefore, it’s important for those who are sensitive to large crowds to have an appropriate amount of time before and after such exposure to recalibrate their internal peace and wellbeing.

How to cope as a highly sensitive person.

Being a highly sensitive person (or an empath) is not all doom and gloom. It’s actually a beautiful, powerful gift when you know how to harness it appropriately. Rather than becoming overwhelmed by your sensitivity to people, places, sounds or emotions — utilize these basic techniques in order to start setting boundaries that work and routines that efficiently address needs.

1. Set boundaries

If you find that you’re struggling with the emotional burden of dealing with others, then it’s imperative that you learn how to manage those relationships in a way that protects your heart and your emotions. This starts by setting boundaries and sticking to those boundaries even when things get hard or uncomfortable.

Let those around you know what behaviors you will and will not tolerate moving forward. Have an honest and open conversation and be frank about what you need and how your parent’s actions make you feel. Setting boundaries is important in any relationship, but they’re especially important when we’re stuck in a one-sided relationship with caregivers we can’t escape.

Set boundaries in the moment and make it clear that you’ll no longer tolerate any behavior that is not in line with who you are and what you need. You can say things like “I appreciate you inviting me to Christmas, but I need you to send me these invitations sooner. Sorry. I’ve made other plans.” Stand firm in what you need and stand firm in the knowledge that you have a right to need what you need.

2. Invest in some self-care

If you’ve never engaged in self-care before, it (by itself) can seem like a pretty daunting concept. Spending all your time caring for others can make you forget how to care for yourself, so it’s important to ease into the waters by setting some simple self-care goals that allow you to get the recharge you need. At it’s core, self-care is just about giving our mental and physical a break. There’s no need for over the top, and there’s no need for complex. Keep it simple and goal-oriented.

Take a pit-stop with your physical health first and try to take control of how you feel within your body. Set some easy daily routines that help you take better care of your body and feel better about the skin you’re in. Next, move on to the way you speak to yourself. Part of self-care is learning how to be nice to yourself on the inside and the outside. Pull an aside with your inner critic and rework their negative thinking.

Limit the distractions and make sure that your self-care time is really all about you. Self-care isn’t about numbing out or dumbing down. It’s about empowering yourself to be prepared for the emotional hardship of day-to-dau living. Engage in activities that give you the power to emotionally process the stress you experience in your real life, and look for pastimes or activities that encourage you to focus on your strengths, rather than your weaknesses.

3. Get mindful

When we think of being mindful, we often assume it means simply being nice (to ourselves and others) — but it’s much, much more than that. Mindfulness is a powerful tool and a powerful state of being which can help us to unlock our true potential and create more loving, compassionate and fulfilling environments and experiences for ourselves. It’s being present in the moment, and it’s being aware of both where we’re at and how we’re feeling.

Learning how to be more mindful actually unlocks powerful avenues of emotional intelligence, which in turn allows us to better deal with the toxic stress that permeates our lives. Cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure and major clinical depression are just a few of the side-effects of living in a life that’s stressed to the max and focused on everything but the here and now. Learning how to be more mindful can transform our our perceptions and our health — but it has a number of other surprising benefits too.

Take at least 10–15 minutes to think about the things in your life that your thankful for. Set a timer and — at the end of the process — take another 5 minutes or so to journal about the experience and how these things in your life make you feel. Whenever you’re struggling to be present in the moment, or deal with some new obstacle, refer back to the journal. Are you still thankful for those things? Are they worth overcoming these challenges for? Let them be the inspiration that navigates you through the tough times.

4. Know your triggers

Emotional overload can coerce us into engaging in behaviors that leave us raw and feeling insecure. Overtime, those negative feelings compound, to create new insecurities that follow us through the years, long after the initial event and the initial feelings of grief or embarrassment subside. The key to managing the far reaching effects of this overhwlem is to recognize the triggers that bring you back to those places of disadvantage and put a stop to them before they cause you to spiral.

Catch those moments when someone is being manipulative, or something causes you to disengage. Notice the feelings it brings up, and notice how those feelings cause you to react. Does it cause you to blow things out of proportion? Or shut down all together? Keep a small journal and a record of the moments that really get to you, and compare them against childhood experiences. Is it those experiences that are keeping you stuck and scared?

Recognizing triggers is a critical part of the healing process. Learning how to identify our triggers allows us to exert greater control over both our environments and our emotions; no small feat when you’re coming back from the pushing or overwhelm which removed your power from you. Getting back takes getting real, and learning how to eliminate the things that don’t serve our emotional health and wellbeing in the longterm.

5. Focus on strengths

Celebrate your progress — one day at a time — and take a little time each day to appreciate the steps you’ve taken (no matter how small) and the improvements you’ve intstituted. Zero in on your strengths and find what adds beauty or courage to your life and the new world you’re building around yourself. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Those mistakes don’t define us, or our building process, so we have to focus on the good and make that our mission.

Sit down and make a list of everything you’ve accomplished in your life — from childhood until this very moment. Think about everything you did right and everything you did well. Write them down in black and white so you can see just how awesome you really are. Keep it somewhere special and refer to it any time you’re feeling down or feeling as though you can’t do something that you can.

It’s always easy to be critical. It’s always easy to focus on what you did wrong rather than what you did right. That’s the old you, though. The you that was sad and lonely and had nothing and no one. Have the courage to stand up for the new you and acknowledge each new and beneficial thing that adds color and passion to your life. Overcoming depression is one of the hardest things we can do. If you’ve managed to climb that mountain, give yourself a break and celebrate.

6. Be honest about what you’re afraid of

Perhaps the scariest part of getting past our emotional overwhelm is getting honest about what we’re afraid of and facing those fears head-on. The only way past insecurity or fear is through it, but that takes a certain type of strength and self-confidence that takes a lot of focus and perseverance to cultivate.

Get really honest about what you’re actually afraid of. Question your fears and question how realistic they really are. When we really dig deep into the core of our insecurities and fears, we often find that they are more irrational or unrealistic than we initially thought. Get real about what you’re feeling and get real about how likely it is that everything will turn out as badly as you expect.

Start small, with the little fears and insecurities that plague you and work your way up. Some of the things that cause our fear of failure are deep-rooted, and can be linked to emotions and experiences that are complex or difficult to process. Take your time and dip your toe into fear-exploration slowly. Despite what you’re told, you have plenty of time. Go at your own pace and get really, brutally honest about what you’re afraid and what emotional or physical fears are holding you back.

Putting it all together…

Being a highly sensitive person is a great strength, but it can also be a great burden when you don’t know how to set boundaries for yourself. Sensitive people are those who can quickly find themselves overwhelmed when they don’t understand their own unique physical and emotional needs, so it’s important to get to the root of your sensitivity. Being able to live with emotion and compassion will help you through some of the hardest trials in life, but it takes understanding what needs lie beyond that sensitive, fragile empathy. If you feel as though your sensitivity is starting to wear you down, never fear. You can harness its power by applying some basic self-preservation techniques.

Set boundaries — and stick to them — by getting real about what you need in order to secure your own inner peace and emotional wellbeing. Our boundaries are the foundation on which all of our relationships are built. Set yours and make sure they’re observed the be people who matter most. Take some time for you and invest in some self-care. Being a sensitive person is hard. Take care of your tranquility and get mindful about the life you’re leading now and the life you want to lead. We all have unique needs. Know your triggers and use your strengths to stick up for what you know you need. It’s not always easy to be an empath or a highly sensitive person, but it can be a great gift when you know how to weild it. Get honest about what you’re afraid of and dig deep to find the inner strength that is inherently a part of your emotional fortitude. Life is a beautiful thing when we can find it in ourselves to life with emotion, compassion and empathy. Find the balance.