Understanding Our Twin Flame’s Pain During Separation Relieves Our Pain

This thinking process can be very helpful when the wave of intense yearning occurs and we think about contacting them despite their silence.

The capacity to understand the pain of another requires a great deal of empathy and maturity. These traits need to be even stronger and more grounded when trying to understand the silence of our twin flames.

Most of us have been taught to believe that we understand someone’s suffering or pain. However, the truth is, we can only truly comprehend it according to our own emotional intelligence, maturity, and empathy. Otherwise, it is much more likely that we will simply project our own wounds onto a given situation. This tendency becomes even more pronounced when directed towards the person we believe to be our twin.

For example, when they cut us off, ghost us, or ignore us, we undoubtedly feel unworthy, unloved, and like we didn’t do enough, which can lead us to believe that is why they left.

Personally, I spent so long playing a narrative in my mind that ‘I’m always abandoned,’ which is far from the truth. While I don’t have evidence to support the ‘always,’ because I have great friendships and have had fruitful long term relationships, emotionally, it felt that way because it has been a wound that has not healed to a level that expresses emotional maturity in this area.

I also spent a while being upset at myself and in disbelief at how I could have trusted this person. I knew they were emotionally immature, scared of the world, and had so much unhealed trauma. I felt so stupid for having trusted my twin when I had all the evidence to the contrary. Finally, I learned not to judge myself this way, and my healing journey improved significantly.

The truth is, God, the greater intelligence of all, chose us for each other because we contain the exact and needed dosage of medicine for each other’s souls. Despite consciously knowing my twin was in no place to behave or provide what I ‘deserved,’ I came to realize that I actually did not deserve better because my soul was still at a level of accepting his behavior.

Tools to Understand Our Twin Flame’s Pain

While our primary focus should, of course, be on understanding our own pain, I have realized that attempting to comprehend his pain helps solve some pieces of my own puzzle. It allows me to step back from the narratives I have been playing in my mind for years, which have kept me stuck in feelings of unworthiness, and observe how those narratives no longer serve me.

As I have mentioned previously, while our journeys share many similarities, they are also distinctly different. I believe the essence lies in each of us finding and/or creating the necessary tools to bridge the gap between our current selves and our higher selves.

For me, evolutionary astrology has been very helpful in my own journey. The more I learn about it, the more I have been able to support my healing, those of some friends and family, and also get a glimpse of my twin’s pain.

It really caused me a lot of sadness to see my twin’s natal chart. He goes through great deals of suffering and pain given certain aspects he has such as moon in scorpio conjunct pluto, and his sun in an anaretic degree. I learned he also seeks to self-destroy just like myself.

Even if I did not know about evolutionary astrology and couldn’t read his chart, the time we spent with them can certainly give us all the answers we need as to why they also choose suffering. I knew for a fact that the chances of him leaving me hanging as soon as he felt overwhelmed were very high.

How did I know it?

Intuition and logic. We need both when making important decisions in our life such as trusting someone or loving someone. I believe all twin flames know deep down that a sustainable relationship with our twin is not possible due to the unhealed wounds we both carry.

I actually tried my very best to avoid separation by letting my twin know that our love at some point, won’t be enough and he had to start finding ways to open up real space for us in his practical life because otherwise, I did not see how I could fit with the life he was living.

I kept deluding myself into believing I was ready to marry him when, in fact, that was very far from the truth.

There was no way I could see this while I was with him, but one day I got a glimpse which I did not manage to understand back then: There was a day he told me he wanted to tell his mother about me, and I panicked but did not tell him that. I didn’t understand why I felt so much anxiety at the possibility of meeting his family back then, but now I do understand it.

It was because my self-worth was still so underworked that I was terrified of being judged by his family, knowing he wasn’t mature enough to stand up for me if his mother objected to our marriage. He, too, feared judgment from his family.

And guess what?

I wasn’t mature enough either to withstand being judged. The fear of rejection ran deep within me, so I told him not to tell them yet. In retrospect, if I had said yes, the separation would have been inevitable anyway. Of that, I’m sure.

Any issues we believe our twin has that we don’t, we have them to different extents and perhaps concealed under different narratives.

The real reason we kept this relationship/connection going despite knowing we were playing with fire was precisely because we were desperately seeking to burn.

We were begging the Universe for self-destruction because the self we had been carrying was so far from the beautiful version of our higher selves. This version, altered by our upbringing experiences and trauma, had been so deeply ingrained that transforming it at a normal human rate was going to take longer than our lifetime.

That is why, in His infinite Love and Mercy, God sent the right person to demolish that self of ours to speed up the process. The self prior to meeting our twins harbored very rotted and distorted beliefs of how unworthy we are.

That is why we are called twin flames, because we were seeking to burn, to self-destruct through the immense pain this experience brings, so we can rebuild ourselves in a way that leads us to our higher selves. Fire purifies, and this is what we are experiencing: a thorough cleaning of the disgusting and impure beliefs and ideas we have held that keep diminishing our potential.

There is no doubt that our twins are suffering because we are both on this journey of purification.

While their suffering and challenges might manifest in different contexts — for example, I know he experiences severe financial difficulties because he told me about it while we were together and I also have dreamed of him telling me that during separation, I’m okay in that area — nevertheless, no matter how our challenges look like in this world, all of them will ultimately point towards the common wounds we share.

Sometimes, I feel an intense need to pray for him, and I notice my ego making its appearance, saying: ‘Why would you pray for this person who left you without mercy? Let them suffer.’

I immediately reply to my ego, saying: ‘God has put love in my heart for him, and we both have endured so much emotional pain in our lives. I wish for him what I wish for myself: to find God in every moment and live in peace from our higher selves’.

Sending love to you all 🙏