Uncovering the Beauty of Instability in the Writing Life

Writers express both the instability and the inherent beauty that is unique to the creative process commonly found in those with bipolar disorder.

I don’t think it’s an accident that there are a disproportionate number of creative people who have bipolar disorder. Creativity is a natural outlet for the chaos going on in the minds of those experiencing this disorder as their thought process can best be described by “almost anything goes”.

This chaotic thought process can be expressed through different forms of creative artistic expression because of the accepted ideals of what occurs when a piece of art is experienced. When we engage with a work of art, no matter what form it takes, we suspend disbelief and enter the world of the artist. This allows us to perceive and accept what the work has to say.

The revelation of the bipolar mind, which may be considered unacceptable disorganization in other arenas, is considered the perfect form for the expression of that particular idea or image. We focus on what is the artist is attempting to communicate and try to appreciate the form in which they do so. This means that what is unusual, unfamiliar or even seemingly scattered and illogical can be valued for it’s purpose and the manner in which it is presented.

So the chaos produced by the highs and lows characteristic of bipolar disorder lead those experiencing it to discard the normal rules of communication and format when it comes to artistic creations. Their unique thought process allows them to establish new ways of seeing things, and the extraordinary manner in which they choose to share their internal world often amazes the rest of us.

Yet there are also other times when manic symptoms cause them to see things in ways that are not so adaptive. During a manic phase individuals will often view the results of their endeavors in an unrealistically optimistic manner. They may believe they can be the next Van Gogh painting for days on end without understanding that while interesting and unique, their work lacks the skill necessary to make them prominent in the art world.

They are able to realize this when they come back down and enter a more normal mood state, but often miss the time they thought they were achieving something that would vault them to artistic fame. When they enter a depressed phase, this reality based assessment combined with the longing for success, will often turn into a sense of hopelessness based on depressive thinking. This can result in beliefs such as they’ll never succeed, their dreams have no chance of coming true, they have no talent and they will never be anything special.

For many of us who are writers, this will sound almost painfully familiar. Our minds are full of ramblings and ideas, words and imagery, concepts and interpretations. We feel a building pressure to release all of this and the form we choose utilize in doing this is the written word. We spiral up from that initial a ha moment of inspiration to a frenzied state of creativity, certain that the new work we are producing will be our ticket to recognition and prominence.

But when we share our work, while perhaps there is some degree of appreciation, there isn’t the viral response we were hoping for. We then often enter a period of self doubt or even despair resulting from the belief we just don’t have what it takes to be a “real writer.”

Of course, that doesn’t stop us from trying again when next our muse decides to grace us with her appearance. We go right back up to the top of the highest hill on the roller coaster. Nor does the fact that we have experienced this cycle previously make the subsequent decline any less steep when yet again our hopes go unrealized.

But that being said there’s also beauty that is within this state of instability that we, as writers, are capable of experiencing. Some of my best work was written when I was on a natural emotional high And the best thing about this was that like brought like. The more my writing seemed to flow, the higher I felt, and the more inspiration I had regarding the piece I was working on. And This feeling flowed over until it encompassed the rest of my world as well.

The time I remember this sense of excitement the clearest was when I first participated in Nanowrimo, the month long challenge to complete a 50,000 word novel that occurs every November. At the time I had a terrible job that held no challenges for me, while the management made a game out of torturing those beneath them and the organization turned a blind eye. Yet what had been an almost traumatic experience for me, became increasingly subdued, pushed further and further back in my conscious mind as the natural high that accompanied my nightly writing time came to replace it. Work became just something I did during the hours before I wrote.

The Takeaway

Similar to the individual suffering from bipolar disorder, writers have periods of outrageous excitement. This is often accompanied by the belief that what we are creating will change the world which is followed by lows that occur when we realize this isn’t going to be the case. Yet while there may be self-doubt upon realizing that perhaps that novel we spent so much time writing is not going to become critically acclaimed as we had once dreamed, I think the writing high we continue to experience on the good days largely outweighs this.

There’s nothing better to a writer than being “in the zone”. Some of the ideas we come up with during these highs may be unworkable or even God awful, resulting as they do from a highly overexcited imagination that pulls and pushes every which way. But when we are immersed in the creative process we are also bound to come up with at least one nugget that can be polished to shine brighter than any jewel.

Our creative process involves finding where this treasure lays buried, unearthing it and shaping it into the form we mean it to take which only we can see. As something generated from within our unique self, and being an expression of our essence, we are the only one who can fashion this particular nugget into its final configuration envisioned in our mind. We can then invite others to share our vision.

When we accomplish this we will have successfully tamed those aspects of the writing process which work to unseat us by ushering in self-doubt. Then, regardless of whether this work results in fame, fortune or prominence in the writing world, we be able to maintain our innocent excitement in writing. This will make it possible for us to ultimately appreciate the unique vision only we are capable of releasing into the world.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like reading the following story about Bipolar Disorder:

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