Tools for Happiness and Inner Peace — Unconditional Self-Love and Self-Forgiveness

Stop placing your inner peace and happiness on external factors.

Have you been burned out from people-pleasing?

Have you been feeling dependent on others to affirm your self-worth?

Have you been feeling anxious about what others think?

It is time to rediscover your self-worth and learn unconditional self-love.

Whenever we engage in people-pleasing and self-worth doubting syndromes, we search for happiness and peace of mind outside ourselves.

But no matter how hard we would try, controlling others and their opinions is something we can’t do. Instead, let’s learn to place the anchor of our happiness and peace of mind within.

A couple of years ago, discovering the powerful effect of unconditional self-love and self-forgiveness has been a game-changer for me!

Love

At the source of what we all long for is love. We long to receive love, to give love, feel love. We want to love others, love what we do, and receive love back.

If our own source is empty (lacking love), we don’t have anything to give to others.

Relying on receiving love from others is quite uncontrollable. We cannot control the way others react, what they say and do. Even if we try, we most likely fail. (In fact, wanting to control others is called manipulation.)

Yet, our identities so much need that affirmation that comes when we are loved and appreciated.

That is why we become so anxious about others’ opinions and eager to please others. We are searching for affirmation and approval in the wrong place when we aim for others’ approval. Our self-worth is not dependent on others’ approval.

My life changed when I discovered I don’t need to search for the source of love outside myself.

There is a source of love inside me — sparkling burbling water, a spring water source. We are all created in the image of God, and He lives inside of us. God is love; therefore, there is a source of love inside of us. We just need to connect with it.

Once we have rediscovered it and connected to it, we can treat ourselves with unconditional self-love, self-forgiveness, self-compassion, and empathy.

Usually, we give others these expressions of love. But we also need to practice those towards ourselves. First and foremost.

When we discover who we are and how we have been created with a purpose, we can find that source of love inside of us.

Unconditional

Let’s talk about the word “unconditional” for a moment.

I discuss the meaning of “unconditional” when I talk about confidence in this article:

The same meaning also applies when we talk about love.

Unconditional means “does not change depending on circumstances.” “Steadfast in enduring ups and downs,” “unwavering, unshakable, reliable no matter what happens.”

Marriages that last through thick and thin are built on unconditional love.

God’s love for us is unconditional. It does not change whether we have been successes or failures. It is steadfast, unwavering and reliable no matter what happens.

When we receive unconditional love, we can give unconditional love to ourselves too. And others.

Unconditional self-love

Unconditional self-love means being loving, kind, compassionate, and graceful towards ourselves when we fall short of expectations we set for ourselves. Or when we fail or experience embarrassing situations. Or even when we make seemingly the same mistakes all over again and feel like judging ourselves.

We have received grace. We can give grace to ourselves and others.

You know how you are sometimes nagging yourself for the little things you’ve done wrong?

That is stealing your happiness, peace of mind and keeping you away from enjoying the present moment.

Remember situations when you experience “public embarrassment” — you fail in front of an audience? You were reciting a poem from the heart in elementary school and forgot. You were doing public speaking and was lost for words? You went to an event and spilled a drink on your white clothes even before the event really started?

Have you been harsh on yourself for that? Judging yourself and wishing no one had seen you?

The way to receive these situations is with grace, and the way to treat yourself is with unconditional love.

Self-Forgiveness

Unconditional self-love goes hand in hand with self-forgiveness.

We need to accept the fact that we are imperfect. And we will never be perfect. We can always grow and develop more.

When we are harsh on ourselves for mistakes or not living up to specific standards, we will live in a constant state of “I am never enough.”

“Never enough” will hold us back from a state of happiness. Period.

If you desire fulfilling happiness, learn to forgive yourself.

When we are loving and forgiving ourselves, we will give others love and forgiveness more freely.

Accepting that we are good enough despite shortcomings, faults, and mistakes will release us from ever-striving perfection. Ever-striving perfection keeps us from being truly happy and loving the present moment.

Self-forgiveness and self-compassion is the way how to live in peace with ourselves.

Takeaway

When we love ourselves and forgive ourselves our mistakes, we will be able to turn the feeling of “I am not good enough” to “I am good and worthy as I am.”

When we feel good and worthy as we are, we won’t need to please others anymore. We won’t be as dependent on the opinions of others anymore.

Placing self-worth on others’ approval is the shakiest ground, sure to provide us emotional rollercoasters.

Placing self-worth on who we are created in the image of God is a strong foundation. That enables us to give unconditional love towards ourselves and be forgiving not only to others but also to ourselves. That is the road to happiness and peace of mind.

If you liked what you were reading, you might also like to read about how I changed my self-image from “I am not good enough” to “I am worthy.”

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