Unconditional Love
Reality not Dream
This a true story. A story of relationships and a very unusual story before its time in India. I have not seen or heard of such true unconditional love. The setting of this story is in the seventies when India seeped in superstitions, clannishness, and arranged marriages.
Background, attraction, love, and family
A young soft-spoken beautiful south Indian Aiyer, a brahmin girl Lakshmi, from an affluent family, completed her graduation and got a wonderful job in the USA embassy in Delhi. In the evening she went out for a walk and usually met the neighbors around. One evening, she met a young handsome north Indian Sardar of Sikh origin Gagan by name. That did it!
You do not know when it happens! The heart has its own voice, its own movement and relationships are hard to judge. Love sparked in the chords of her heart. Unknown to her, this man was equally attracted. The two kept meeting and attraction turned into true love.
Then, what was the problem? The young man confessed that he was married and had two kids already. Love cannot be limited and this was true love.
Gagan moved to the USA and she continued to work at the embassy. He made a plea to his wife that he wanted a divorce as he was keen to marry another girl. His wife refused.
Another problem! The young man separated from his wife and invited Lakshmi to come to the USA and live with him. This story is of the year 1975 when India was not only traditional in its approach but highly conservative as well.
Lakshmi’s parents would not hear of this nonsense. They pleaded with her and told her that her relationship had no future.
Lakshmi was determined to go to the USA and she just did not care. The call of the heart was so strong that both of them took help from their friends and from the embassy where she was an employee. Lo behold, they managed a visa and in no time she joined him leaving behind a safe and secure household.
They were both extremely happy with each other though families on both sides were not happy and did not accept the relationship at that time.
After three years, the divorce came through and Lakshmi and Gagan were overjoyed. They decided to get married. Her brothers and his mother unwillingly attended the wedding. The story does not stop here.
The Married Life
Love: Their married life was extremely successful. They loved each other beyond imagination. A look in the husband’s eye and Lakshmi knew what he wanted and likewise, he knew that she was totally dependant on him and what he should do for her. The emotions spoke and sometimes did not even require words to be uttered.
Adjustment: She learned his scriptures, language, and everything about Sikhs. He never asked her to do so but he was happy when she took the initiative and was delighted with her language skills. Her only aim in life was to please him. She was completely immersed in him and he was always a priority in her thoughts.
Pregnancy: Lakshmi became pregnant but she felt it would interfere with the relationship of her husband and his existing children. She did not want any complications for her husband and did not want him to deal with any new responsibilities, clashes, or problems with family. She took a bold decision, not to have a child.
Again, he did not ask her to do so, but she was pleased to give him that comfort. Such was her unconditional love for him.
Shopping: He would shop for her. She proudly tells you,” I have never bought any clothes for myself, He bought me everything and the most beautiful clothes”,
They would go shopping together for all the house needs and groceries and he would patiently buy everything that was required.
Possessiveness: Her husband was very possessive of her. He wanted her to wear loose clothes, not show her body, and be dressed in Indian clothes even while they stayed in the USA.
She was more than pleased. She felt it was his love that he showered on her and completely accepted this way of life. He liked her Indian clothes so she wore them even when she went to work in a lawyer’s firm.
She laid a condition with the employers that she would not work after 6 PM as she had to tend to her husband’s needs like food, clothes, spending time with him.
He gave her space but bound her with time limits and she would adhere to the discipline. “What difference will this small gesture make on my part”, she says, “I go and meet my friends and I am back when he needs me and is back from work”.
Relationship with mother in law: She soon became her mother in laws darling as she emulated her ways in cooking, cleaning, setting up the house and looking after her, and providing her companionship, love, and a sense of security.
Relationship with her family after marriage: When Lakshmi’s parents saw her happy, they reconciled and now they meet each other very cordially.
Parting due to death and afterward
Passing away of her husband: she completely accepts his death as the will of God. She says he cared so much about her that he left her comfortable with all things to take care of her. He made all the investments for her and she has a home in India and in Florida.
The thirty years together were years of love, comfort, and happiness with not even a moment of regret.
What are the learnings?
1. Give unconditional love: Lakshmi had no expectations. It was pure unconditional love. She loved him and he showered her with love without her expectations.
2. No Conflicts: If both wife and husband understand each other’s language through emotions and signs there will be no conflicts
3. Giving in does not mean being a loser: You have actually gained something in relationships. Willingly or unwillingly, the emotions are so visible that the person becomes bound to give back and reciprocate the love and feelings of the other person.
4. No regrets: The decision you take in life should be done carefully. There should be no regrets as there is no return on your journey. If you regret there will be no happiness.
5. Be happy: Whatever you do for others, do it happily and without being asked to do so. That is unconditional love.
Conclusion
This is a very unusual story. It was completely unacceptable in India to marry from different regions. Cross-pollination was completely taboo.
People can do things if they are determined to do so. They can derive happiness and woo people around them too to accept them. Everyone around them saw that they were happy together and could not but accept the situation and bless them.
Lakshmi had found her ‘Ikigai’, or purpose of life as Japanese say. Her sole purpose in life was to selflessly love her husband. She says she has no regrets and would love to live the same journey that she has already done.
She expressed her happiness with her life offering unconditional love to her husband and her love for him was twinkling in her eyes. Let us learn to live with some purpose in life. Give love to others and you will be rewarded manifold times.