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Uncle’s Sexbot Delivered Day of His Funeral

A family is left scrambling to cope.

A life rich with disappointment and perversion was marked by a fitting ending when 67-year-old Leon Thompson’s sexbot was delivered two days after his death.

Family’s grief compounded by yuck factor

“We had just gotten back from the funeral home,” said nephew Tyler, describing the scene at his Uncle’s apartment. “These two UPS guys show up with this huge box. My mom opens it up and starts bawling, ‘What is this? No! No! No!’ It was harsh, like that scene at the end of Seven.”

Tyler stated that, according to the invoice, Leon ordered the sexbot named Genie over a year ago, but his constant changes and upgrades delayed delivery by several months. “You know, if he’d settled for the factory anus, he would’ve gotten it way before his heart attack. I wish he had. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Man, I just don’t know.”

Estate planner’s nightmare

Leon’s sister Penelope, who serves as executor of his will, is processing complicated feelings towards her deceased brother and his sexbot. “At first, I thought, it’s a different race than us, so at least my brother wasn’t a bigot. I can say that for him, right? Then my son Tyler explained fetishism to me. It turns out Leon was the worst kind of racist. Oh, God! I’m glad my mother didn’t live to see this.”

Pondering the fate of the doll, Penelope went on to say, “We erased his hard drive and took all his ‘medications’ to that box at CVS, but I have no idea what to do with this thing. It’s his estate’s greatest asset, for goodness sake. Legally, I can’t just throw it away or donate it. Who would even take it? Salvation Army? I can’t sell it, though. Can I? Excuse me, I think I’m going to be sick.”

An all-too-common reality

While it’s certainly a shocking turn of events for the Thompson family, studies show that up to 30% of sexbots are delivered after the purchaser’s death. Experts liken it to the high mortality rate on cruise ships or immediately following retirement.

“People postpone realizing dreams at their peril,” stated life coach and fellow sexbot enthusiast John Bruner. “I tell my clients, if you have the resources, by all means, take that trip to the Galapagos Islands, go skydiving, order that fuck dummy, or whatever the case may be. You never know what tomorrow will bring.”