Unanswered Questions And How To Not Let Them Eat You Alive
We’ve all had experiences that left such a strong impact we remember them clearly even as the years pass by. Among those, there are unanswered questions.
They are the things that you held dear and which got a — usually sudden —unexpected development without any explanation whatsoever.
Most of the time, those will be connected to the end of something, the disappearance of some important aspect for us, thus leaving you without even the possibility of finding out how things turned out in such a way.
One of the strongest experiences I had in that regards related to my very first girlfriend who broke up out of the blue over the phone, almost 15 years ago. This has happened to countless people so nothing that shocking here. Teenagers don’t really know how to handle confrontation after all.
I was incommensurably sad but started slowly to get over it as time passed by.
However, it is what happened a year later that left an impact. She left a comment on the small blog I was writing on with my best friend. No indication that it was her was left but after some research on her own blog, we understood it was her.
Many of her posts were about nostalgia and how she regretted mistakes and losing someone. Little by little, we understood it was about me and I tried to contact her again to ask what this was about.
Unfortunately, I was never able to get an answer to my numerous questions and it left me scared for a long time again. As time passed by, I evolved and grew past it.
It took a long time though and I trust it could have taken less through the following steps.
1. Falling Prey to Nostalgia
The first reaction to the disappearance of something always leaves a hole in our life. Something common to you, which you saw or interacted every single day is gone and the hole left within you automatically pushes you to focus only on the good or bad parts of what is gone.
The free time appearing becomes used to focus on the past in an, too often, too extreme manner. Either positive or negative.
Becoming nostalgic is the first mistake you need to avoid. Become aware of your thoughts and stop them as quickly as possible whenever you notice your mind wandering back in the past.
The more you do this, the more you can focus on turning your mind towards a brights future and be happy tomorrow is coming soon.
2. Take an Honest Look at it
It may seem contradictory to my above point, but you should set a few times to think about it at the beginning. The experience of being left with multiple questions is still within you and will shape you. Whether you want it or not.
So, fix some time to reflect on it. Be careful though: As mentioned above, you shouldn’t let your mind wander towards this topic. You should be willingly setting time aside to reflect on the experience.
Be honest with yourself.
Unanswered questions tend to make us extremely negative towards said topic. Yet, there are clear positive aspects within it and you need to find them, let them sink in and understand how they came to be.
Negative aspects are also important. Get your mindset ready and find the hard truth from your perspective. Whether it really is the truth or not isn’t the point. You just need to be aware of even just a small part of the causes which brought you to this point.
3. Evolve
Finally, it is crucial for you to remember you have only lived part of your life so far.
There will be so many new experiences, positive and negative. You will become someone different from who you currently are.
So, why not start now?
You can start any day to become someone else, someone better. Your past will influence your choices, but the ones you do today will be what will impact the most your you tomorrow.
Experiment. Go outside of your comfort zone, meet new people, learn new things!
You’ve only seen so much so far. And time is precious, so spend it evolving instead of stagnating.
I know. Easier said than done, right?
Of course! But nothing’s easy in life and if you can take even just a part of the above advice, overcoming hard unanswered questions will become less so. No matter how much advice you read or hear, it will take time. All I hope is that with the above you’ll save some.
Even if just a tiny bit.
