Inspiration and Life

Change Your Life With Two Words

Change how you look at life

What if you suddenly learned you have been seeing life in black and white when you could see it in color?

Is this possible? Absolutely!

Let’s look at the difference between the two ways of seeing and explore a simple way to change your sight from black and white to full Technicolor!

It’s in your mind

To be clear, we are discussing sight and color metaphorically. In other words, how you think is similar to how you see.

You have heard the term black and white thinking, haven’t you? Imagine shifting this type of thinking to color by changing two simple words in your vocabulary.

These two words will let you begin to see in a whole new way. Our mind can function like black-and-white photography, letting us see part of what is there. When you print a photo, you get a certain amount of detail from a black-and-white or grayscale image, providing limited information because it uses only two colors. (Yes, I know, black and white are not technically colors, but go along with me for a minute!) While I love black-and-white photography, where would the world be without color? Color photography offers far more information, millions of colors, rather than only a few shades of gray.

Change how you see with two simple words

The two words that will change your thinking from black and white to color are “both/and.”. The two words being replaced are “either/or.”

In other words, when you view things through the lens of “either/or” thinking, you see the world in black and white. But you see in full color when you change “either/or” to become a “both/and”thinker.

Either/or thinking

The default thinking for many of us is to see things as black and white. They are either right or wrong, correct or incorrect, moral or immoral, etc.

When discussing a controversial issue such as politics, we tend to believe it is one way or another with no in-between. Some will even say, “it’s my way or the highway!”

We make our minds up that “this is true and that is false,” or “it’s clear cut, there are no other options.”

Is it true one side is always right and the other is always wrong?

Both sides can’t be right. Or can they? Before that can be determined, more thought is required.

Starting the change in thinking

What if you ask yourself questions such as:

• How clearly am I seeing each side?
• What if both sides have an element of truth in them?
• Does it have to be exactly this or that way and no other?
• What if it is a combination or some proportion of each?

Can answering such questions lead you away from seeing things as black and white to colorful options that create better results?

“When the question is either/or, the answer is almost always both/and.” Bill Crawford (1979-present)

The two mindsets

There are essentially two mindsets through which we can view the world. The either/or mindset, and the both/and mindset.

• Either/or represents a fixed mindset that manifests as black and white.
• Both/and represents a growth mindset which manifests as color.

On the surface, which would you rather possess? A fixed, unchanging, and unchangeable “it’s as it is, and there is no other way” mindset?

Or would you prefer a growth, “I don’t know everything, and I can change because I can learn and grow” mindset?

Let’s make it practical

Take the sometimes-debated question:

“Can you work or not work and still make a living?”

It depends, doesn’t it?

To some, you must work. Others will say, “no way!” To still others, you can both work and not work and still make a living.

Most of us enjoy gainful employment at some point in our lives — yet we don’t work all the time, do we? There’s plenty of in-between time. What about those who inherit family fortunes? They may choose to work, but they can live off the interest of their fortune and not work a day if they wish.

You can run into problems when you allow your work to consume your life. I’ve been there. During my career, there was a time I thought the businesses couldn’t get along without me giving 110 percent all the time. I rarely took vacations at the expense of spending time with my family.

Before I knew it, my daughter was off to college, and we were empty nesters. Wow, did that time go by quickly!

Looking back, I could have done things far differently. Yet what is past is past. We can’t change what was. However, we can learn valuable lessons from it.

One day, I had a wake-up call. The president of the company I worked for transferred back to the main HQ in Europe, and we kept in touch, as good friends do. He was a few years older than me.

Not long after he moved, he said on a phone call, “You know, Bill, all of the years I’ve worked and all the sacrifices I’ve made, rarely taking my vacation time, I was losing time with my family. Not one person ever thanked me for being so dedicated.”

By then, I was reconsidering many things in my life and realized that was true for me, too. All the years of sacrificing for my job at the expense of my family. Yet not one person had ever thanked me for my dedication or “sacrifice!”

In reality, no one had ever asked my friend or me to do what we did. We just assumed we had to do it because that’s what others did. I lived this part of my life with a black-and-white, either/or mindset. EITHER I skipped my vacation time or some part of it, OR the business would suffer, and people would think I’m not as dedicated to my job as I should be. This false assumption was directing my life. How wrong I was!

I could have BOTH worked hard AND taken time off. I could have seen my work-life balance as both/and rather than either/or.

That day I changed from either work or not to both work and not. That simple change in my thinking set me on a new course.

“I feel like most people aren’t either/or, they’re both/and. You’re both magnanimous and petty. You’re both kind and cruel. You’re never just one thing.” Greta Gerwig (1983-present)

What if you are stuck?

What can you do when faced with an either/or type of situation? Simply ask yourself:

“Is this really an either this or that choice, exclusively one or the other? Is it truly a black-or-white situation?”

Then stop and redirect your thoughts to answer:

“What would make it both of these?” “What truth exists in the first view?” and “What truth exists in the opposing view?”

You will undoubtedly find many opportunities to apply these questions in life. Remember, not everything is as clear-cut or clearly defined as it appears on the surface. You must examine both sides openly and honestly to arrive at a better place.

“Life is as complex as we are. Sometimes our vulnerability is our strength, our fear develops our courage, and our woundedness is the road to our integrity. It is not an either/or world.” Rachel Naomi Remen (1938-present)

An example of change

Let’s look at a topic most of us hope to do one day, retire. Will you retire and not work anymore? Really? That is one way to look at it.

What if you took on a different view? What if you considered retiring as only doing what you want when working? Only doing things you enjoy?

In that situation, you might not work at all — or you may decide, after some time, you’d like to do a few things, as I have. I do BOTH! I continue to coach because I love helping other people, AND I tremendously enjoy being retired and the free schedule it provides.

Since retiring, I have accomplished a lifelong dream of publishing a successful book. I love to write and publish articles on several websites most weeks. I define retirement as doing what I love. For me, it is a wonderful time in life. I usually do what I want, when I want. As I often say,

“In retirement, every day is Saturday, except Sunday.”

You can bet I don’t miss any vacations! After all, I am on somewhat of a permanent vacation and can travel and do as I please without feeling guilty. What a life!

Final thoughts

Why not change your life by seeing things differently? Change from the black and white of either/or to the color of both/and. Learn to enjoy both the simplicity and complexity of life!

While you are at it, why not shift your work-life balance by shifting your mindset from either work or not to both work and not? Take that vacation time you deserve. You do not have to settle for either working or not being happy. Change that mindset to both working and being happy. Try any either/or situation you find in life and change it to the life-enhancing both/and mindset, and watch yourself flourish.

When you change your life from black and white to color, you can have your cake and eat it too!

I challenge you to find one either/or black and white thing in your life and experiment with changing it to a both/and. I bet you will enjoy the move from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, as so many others of us have. Just imagine the freedom you can obtain by removing those pesky either/or blinders!

Aah, gaining the freedom of an unrestrained life is so liberating! Once you develop a Both/And, Growth Mindset in your life, you will never go back!

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Bill Abbate Leadership Writer and Editor in ILLUMINATION

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