Two Tips for an International Traveler to Be at Peace

Summary

An international graduate student learns the importance of communication and personality ethics after facing conflicts with a roommate, leading to a shift in housing and personal growth through reading self-help books.

Abstract

The author recounts a challenging experience as an international student living with a professional roommate whose strict demands for silence at night disrupted the student's lifestyle. Despite initial attempts to accommodate the roommate's needs, the situation deteriorated, resulting in the student moving out and experiencing academic and mental strain. This experience taught the author two crucial skills: the importance of effective communication before entering a living arrangement and the value of developing a flexible and friendly personality. The author recommends reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie and "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey to improve interpersonal relationships and personal behavior in difficult situations.

Opinions

The author believes that patience and the ability to deal with diverse personalities are essential life skills, as advised in their Holy book.
There is an opinion that the roommate's demands for silence were excessive and unreasonable, leading to a lack of understanding and respect between the roommates.
The author acknowledges that both parties had some valid points but emphasizes the importance of compromise and mutual respect in shared living situations.
Reflecting on the experience, the author suggests that it is crucial to be aware of one's rights as a tenant and to understand the living policies before moving in.
The author expresses a personal transformation, moving from feelings of victimization to a desire to be more accommodating and friendly, influenced by reading self-help literature.
The author values the role of books in personal development and recommends them as tools for handling similar situations.

I made the mistakes so that you don’t have to.

By Epicantus on Pixaby

During my first year in graduate school, I was looking for housing. I was an international student with a unique lifestyle and had no experience to deal with American culture. I found a room with a professional roommate. Many International students travel worldwide for study purposes and look for housing. Culture is diversified in an apartment where two mates from different countries live together. Same happened to me last year. In my Holy book, Allah advises having patience. It made me believe that life will confront me with people of different nature, mind and habits. That’s why Allah is advising it in advance. The panic situation is obvious to happen in public dealing with boorish people. I had not a chance to prepare myself for this situation as I never faced it before. I didn’t get it until the day of my encounter came. That’s why I want you to learn it beforehand.

My class schedule at university was different. I had evening classes and it changed my lifestyle. The late-night walk to the lake and gossips with friends shifted my sleep cycle. I was a gregarious person and still, I am. I love to host friends. I enjoy late-night meals. There was a time difference between my temporary town Arizona and my hometown Pakistan. So, I used to talk to my family at 11 pm which meant 11 am in Pakistan. It was the 180-degree opposite with my roommate. He used to sleep at 11 pm and wake up at 6 am. He didn’t have a friend’s circle. He talked to his family in the morning time. I never heard loud music from his room. These are all good traits, no doubt But I was a student and he was a professional aged person. There was a gap between us. He started abusing my friends. Not on their face but to me. He objected on my late-night meal. He argued that utensils voice disturbs his sleep. I was told to make phone calls outside the apartment after 11 pm. He wanted to have a pin drop silence during his sleep hours. I started annoying. It disturbed my mental peace.

As a reader, you might be taking his side. You might be thinking that everyone needs a proper sleep cycle and it is normal to be quiet at night. But he was so adamant in his approach to silence me and I was so furious to follow my schedule. Anyhow, we passed this phase. I put an end on my lease and shifted to other housing. It incurred my grades and I lost stability for two months. I admit the fact that he was right but somehow, I was too. Upon his first request for providing silence, I responded decently. He was not stopped there as he demanded not only silence but pin-drop silence. Even I couldn’t go to the washroom/restroom attached in my room after 11 pm as the door were noisy.

I learnt two skills from this experience. One is related to communication skill. Other is personality ethic.

First skill

I could have asked him his priorities before getting a lease with him.I learnt this communication skill. I had to aware of it. I failed in dealing with this situation as I couldn’t bring him on common ground. After this experience, I started reading books on handling people. One book I recommend is

How to win friends and influence people, by Dale Carnegie

Second skill

He shouldn’t have this much adamant on his demands. It made me learn personality ehtics. I felt how it feels to be a victim. A victim of others adamant behavior. I decided to read books to develop lineant behavior. I didn’t want to be like him. I wanted to make friends. I read the other book

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey

This incident turned me towards reading counselling books. I was fucked up to a level to not greet him in future. But these books totally changed my horizon of thinking. I am sure i will meet him friendly if we meet again.

Two Tips for an International Traveler to Be at Peace

I made the mistakes so that you don’t have to.

First skill

Second skill

Take Away