Two for the price of one.
Two for the price of one
“Congratulations, you’re having twins!” — the expectant mother hears at the first ultrasound, and falls into shock. After all, carrying out and buying a double dowry is half the battle. Then throughout their lives they will have to be somehow distinguished and raised in a special way. Let’s talk about the nuances of raising twins.
Mutual dependence
Conventional parenting methods do not work in families with twins. Because the main task of parents of children of different ages is to bring them together emotionally, teach them to live together, and get rid of jealousy. With twins, the opposite is true: for their harmonious development and for the psychological stability of the entire family, children need to be separated from each other psychologically and emotionally. They need to learn to live apart. Otherwise, two children will build a cozy world around themselves, where everyone else will not have access.
Together in harmony
The small world in which the twins find themselves is comfortable for them. And there is little incentive for them to go outside of it — unless their parents encourage their independence and develop social skills. Twins prefer to play with each other, not being very interested in the peers around them, they communicate in their own “bird” language — and much later master speech, since they perfectly understand each other’s babble, but they don’t care about others. Because of this, twins are often diagnosed with “delayed speech development” (or even just “development”). This problem can be eliminated only by stimulating your “sweet couple” to communicate with other children, teaching them to build relationships with the outside world.
Call me by name
In a pair, twins do not separate themselves so much from their “second self” that up to the age of three, both can respond to the same name. Parents should keep track of these points: teach each of the twins that their name is a personal concept. By the way, this is why it is better not to give twins similar-sounding names or inverted names (Masha-Dasha, Anya-Yana) or, if we are talking about a brother and sister, “common” names: Alexander and Alexandra. When calling the kids, you must call them by name, no “hey two from the chest, identical in appearance, come here.” Such a playful generalization does not in any way contribute to the development of individuality in each of the children.
I look at you like in a mirror
Twins can also have problems with mirrors: until they are 3–4 years old, they cannot distinguish between their reflection and that of their brother (sister), and they do not recognize themselves in mirrors or in photographs. And no wonder, because parents often contribute to such confusion by dressing their babies in the same clothes. It’s much better if the kids’ outfits are different.
General and mine
One of the main tasks of all parents is to teach their child to share with others, to teach them not to take what is not theirs. The task of parents of twins is more difficult — they have to prove to their children that what is common is not always good. Each of the twins must have their own toys, so you will have to buy them in duplicate. This will help develop autonomy. And if they want to exchange with each other — please!
Looking for individuality
Should twin babies be sent to the same kindergarten group, to the same class? Psychologists are inclined to believe that, if possible, children should be “separated” in different directions: one to dance, the other to karate, one to 1 “A”, the other to 1 “B”. This is an inconvenience for parents, since it requires extremely precise time management. But taking them to kindergarten, school and classes en masse is extremely unhelpful from the point of view of individual development. By the way, even very similar children cannot be equally talented: one twin is usually easier in mathematics, but the other is better in languages, one sets records in sports, the other plays the violin masterfully.
Friends and rivals
From the outside it seems that twins are like two peas in a pod. But mom knows how different they are. As a rule, the one who appeared first was the ringleader and the leader. Even in the womb, he showed his fighting character and took away his brother’s food sources, developed better and was born with more weight. The second one, who is only 15 minutes younger, may feel like an eternal “subordinate”, and therefore slowly develop complexes. This is also important to note, so that against the background of one successful person, you do not raise a second one — an inveterate loser.
They are so different
Mothers of tiny twins are very tempted not only to find, but also to invent the difference — for greater convenience. Therefore, one is considered more smiling, and the other is considered a louder, of which there are few. One in a pair will definitely be considered smarter, the other — beautiful. One is a weasel, the other is a wimp. There is only one problem: based on these first ideas, parents begin to build their relationships with their children. And the definitions, often incorrect, “grow on” with the kids, are supported by all relatives, and are secretly encouraged. Unlike just brothers and sisters, twins’ differences are not so much innate as imposed by relatives.
At the same time, it is still impossible to treat twins equally. And it’s not necessary! It is better not to equalize children, but to correctly understand their interests and gently guide them, helping them choose their own path.
Dad’s or mom’s?
Ideally, parents of twins should divide educational roles: let one twin be “daddy’s” favorite, and the other “mother’s” favorite. Then the children will receive an equal amount of parental love, but their upbringing will be different, and, what is important, this difference will not need to be “invented.”
And the parents of twins will have to forget about a quiet and peaceful life. And not because the kids cry in unison and walk in unison. But because for their development it is very useful for them to visit — and receive guests, and attend early development groups. Encourage all contact and play with other children.