Twixmas, a Time for Drinking Alcohol in Abundance. Or Not At All.

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on>Photo by Kelsey Knight on Unsplash</figcaption></figure><p id="9a55">In my teens, 20s and early 30s, my drinking did not stop at Christmas Day either.</p><p id="2a6a">I went back to my Mum’s house for Christmas every year until I got married and Christmas Eve and Boxing Day were huge party days in the town where I grew up.</p><p id="a250">We’d all party at the local nightclub until 2am on Christmas Day, carry on drinking right through and then back down the pub for 12 noon on Boxing Day. The days of the week went out the window and I would drink solidly throughout Twixmas and on to New Year’s Day when inevitably, I would vow never to touch a drop of alcohol again.</p><p id="dd60">Having kids didn’t seem to stop me much either. I knew I was a good mum, I desperately wanted to give the kids the Christmas they deserved so every year I would get through Christmas Day with gritted teeth, 2 hours of sleep and a few bottles of wine to “keep me going”.</p><figure id="c1ef"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*[email protected]"><figcaption>Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash</figcaption></figure><p id="2d58">2 Christmases ago when my drinking and addiction was getting dangerously out of control, I had drank around 2 bottles of wine a night for a week in the run up to Christmas. Our friends had a Christmas party on the 23rd and I was just topping up my alcohol levels from the night before.</p><p id="224d">By 8pm, my husband had seen enough of my drunken behaviour so took himself and the kids home. At that point (already) I was slurring my words.</p><p id="2d60">I’d fallen over in the garden when popping out for a cigarette and was covered in mud. I went to the bathroom around 9pm and fell off the toilet. My friend’s husband had to come and help me back on. They were all (still are) big drinkers so thought my antics were highly amusing. I crashed out on their sofa and at 5am on Christmas Eve, woke up with my coat covering me and the utter shame of what had happened the night before.</p><p id="af93">Problem is, I felt shame for the fact that I couldn’t remember what had happened but I knew it wasn’t good. I was now constantly getting huge blackouts and my brain was shutting down after only a few drinks.</p><h2 id="2f3f">Why didn’t my husband step in and take me home?</h2><p id="ea89">Because he’d tried that in the past and knew it was best to leave me with our drunk friends instead of having to try and get me home and into bed.</p><p id="c571">I’d do something stupid in front of the kids like fall in through the front door or head str

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aight to the fridge for more wine whilst he was left to get the kids to bed. Our relationship was on its last legs but I didn’t care. It was Christmas and that meant DRINK.</p><figure id="3451"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*[email protected]"><figcaption>Photo by Paolo Bendandi on Unsplash</figcaption></figure><p id="765d">Even that shameful night around my friends didn’t stop the drinking. My anxiety would be so bad, I would have a “few” to help me get through Christmas Eve. By Christmas Day I was a complete mess but I didn’t want to spoil it for everyone so I would continue to have a few to see me through the day. Without a few, I wouldn’t have been able to get myself out of bed.</p><h2 id="1c37">I could get away with it in my teens and 20s. I ruined many Christmas days with my family because I was so hungover I wouldn’t surface until gone lunch time.</h2><p id="835d">But, I was now approaching my 40s and had small children. By the time December 26th came round I was an anxiety ridden, depressed and selfish shell of myself. I loathed myself and all the drink I had consumed.</p><p id="cefc">Twixmas went from consuming as much alcohol as possible, to locking myself away from the world and crying about the mess I’d become. I wouldn’t answer any calls, I would do the bare minimum required by myself as a mum and wife and would head straight back to the internet to devour as much information as I could to beat my addiction.</p><h2 id="def3">Twixmas became the time when several of my long stints of sobriety would begin.</h2><p id="234d">First it was 36 days to get me through Dry January. The following year I went a little further and completed 62 days. In 2020 I managed 100 days until lockdown broke me.</p><p id="eeff">Why did I keep going back to alcohol? Because I never promised myself it was forever. Forever was too much to bear and those many attempts at sobriety were all the practice runs I needed to finally become sober forever. I needed those runs to slowly wake me up to the fact that I had to give up alcohol for good.</p><p id="4a2b">I absolutely love this Twixmas period now. I am no longer drunk, getting drunk, recovering from being drunk or dealing with huge anxiety issues and hatred for myself.</p><h2 id="28e0">I feel calm, happy and spend every waking moment with my family.</h2><p id="b270">I used to love this period for all the wrong reasons – the fact that no one knew what day it was or really cared if you drank and slept off the hangover. What an awful way to spend these sacred days off!</p></article></body>

Twixmas, a Time for Drinking Alcohol in Abundance. Or Not At All.

The period between Christmas Day and New Years Day, or Twixmas as it has been renamed in the last couple of years (and nothing to do with chocolate!), has always been an all or nothing period for me, with the latter being true for the last years of my drinking.

There are so many reasons why people drink in the run up to Christmas and why December tends to be the booziest month of the year.

Office parties, family coming to visit and nights out with friends see even the moderate drinkers among us drink far heavier than they normally would.

It isn’t just social occasions behind the increase in alcohol consumption. Christmas brings a lot of stress, unhappiness and loneliness for some and they look to drown their sorrows with alcohol.

December has always been a trigger month for me.

I love Christmas but I would see it as a huge excuse to drink everything I could get my hands on and the run up to Christmas would be a complete blur.

I would sometimes give up alcohol in November, just to give my liver a break from the inevitable onslaught December would bring. I would put many obstacles in my way to try and prevent me from making a fool of myself including –

Driving to the office party so I would only have 1 drink and drive home. Who was I kidding? I always abandoned the car, rolled in at stupid o’ clock and had to pretend I knew exactly how I got home and where the car was the next day. When I finally emerged from my hangover and anxiety that is.
Not having anything to drink the night before a big night out. Which would mean I felt raring to go the next day, start earlier and be falling off bar stools by 10pm
Eat more to soak up the booze. Weight gain was shocking in December and not just because I would get through a tub of celebrations every week.
Download the Drink Aware app, again, which was always a bit pointless. As soon as I started on my 2nd or 3rd drink, all plans and moderation went out the window.
Not buy any booze for the house. I just got drunk in the pub or around friends houses instead.

In my teens, 20s and early 30s, my drinking did not stop at Christmas Day either.

I went back to my Mum’s house for Christmas every year until I got married and Christmas Eve and Boxing Day were huge party days in the town where I grew up.

We’d all party at the local nightclub until 2am on Christmas Day, carry on drinking right through and then back down the pub for 12 noon on Boxing Day. The days of the week went out the window and I would drink solidly throughout Twixmas and on to New Year’s Day when inevitably, I would vow never to touch a drop of alcohol again.

Having kids didn’t seem to stop me much either. I knew I was a good mum, I desperately wanted to give the kids the Christmas they deserved so every year I would get through Christmas Day with gritted teeth, 2 hours of sleep and a few bottles of wine to “keep me going”.

2 Christmases ago when my drinking and addiction was getting dangerously out of control, I had drank around 2 bottles of wine a night for a week in the run up to Christmas. Our friends had a Christmas party on the 23rd and I was just topping up my alcohol levels from the night before.

By 8pm, my husband had seen enough of my drunken behaviour so took himself and the kids home. At that point (already) I was slurring my words.

I’d fallen over in the garden when popping out for a cigarette and was covered in mud. I went to the bathroom around 9pm and fell off the toilet. My friend’s husband had to come and help me back on. They were all (still are) big drinkers so thought my antics were highly amusing. I crashed out on their sofa and at 5am on Christmas Eve, woke up with my coat covering me and the utter shame of what had happened the night before.

Problem is, I felt shame for the fact that I couldn’t remember what had happened but I knew it wasn’t good. I was now constantly getting huge blackouts and my brain was shutting down after only a few drinks.

Why didn’t my husband step in and take me home?

Because he’d tried that in the past and knew it was best to leave me with our drunk friends instead of having to try and get me home and into bed.

I’d do something stupid in front of the kids like fall in through the front door or head straight to the fridge for more wine whilst he was left to get the kids to bed. Our relationship was on its last legs but I didn’t care. It was Christmas and that meant DRINK.

Even that shameful night around my friends didn’t stop the drinking. My anxiety would be so bad, I would have a “few” to help me get through Christmas Eve. By Christmas Day I was a complete mess but I didn’t want to spoil it for everyone so I would continue to have a few to see me through the day. Without a few, I wouldn’t have been able to get myself out of bed.

I could get away with it in my teens and 20s. I ruined many Christmas days with my family because I was so hungover I wouldn’t surface until gone lunch time.

But, I was now approaching my 40s and had small children. By the time December 26th came round I was an anxiety ridden, depressed and selfish shell of myself. I loathed myself and all the drink I had consumed.

Twixmas went from consuming as much alcohol as possible, to locking myself away from the world and crying about the mess I’d become. I wouldn’t answer any calls, I would do the bare minimum required by myself as a mum and wife and would head straight back to the internet to devour as much information as I could to beat my addiction.

Twixmas became the time when several of my long stints of sobriety would begin.

First it was 36 days to get me through Dry January. The following year I went a little further and completed 62 days. In 2020 I managed 100 days until lockdown broke me.

Why did I keep going back to alcohol? Because I never promised myself it was forever. Forever was too much to bear and those many attempts at sobriety were all the practice runs I needed to finally become sober forever. I needed those runs to slowly wake me up to the fact that I had to give up alcohol for good.

I absolutely love this Twixmas period now. I am no longer drunk, getting drunk, recovering from being drunk or dealing with huge anxiety issues and hatred for myself.

I feel calm, happy and spend every waking moment with my family.

I used to love this period for all the wrong reasons – the fact that no one knew what day it was or really cared if you drank and slept off the hangover. What an awful way to spend these sacred days off!