avatarMatthew Maniaci

Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

5401

Abstract

er things, as well — things we would never intentionally put in jeopardy.</p><p id="c31f">And that’s my not-so-subtle way of introducing what is usually the most overlooked yet critical component in most goal-setting presentations — the conscious act of recognizing what’s already working in your life, especially the people, places, and things you should never put at risk.</p><h1 id="48b4">I’m talking about the very real possibility of paying too much to achieve a goal.</h1><p id="ccf8">The symptoms are most obvious in those who are <i>goal-obsessed</i> — consumed with uncommon dedication to their life’s objectives.</p><p id="a0c7">These are the people who compete with sheer drive and overwhelming determination. They always arrive early and work late. They forego vacations in favor of “catching up on the paperwork.” They watch their kids grow up as strangers, and their wives become little more than someone they plan to grow old with.</p><h2 id="19bd">Granted, real accomplishment is seldom achieved without sacrifice.</h2><p id="f58d">And every goal, whether realized or not, <a href="https://readmedium.com/roger-reid-live-an-extraordinary-life-a4df07356a74">comes with a price</a>. Most of us understand that pursuing the things we want often means re-prioritizing other facets of our life — including those having intrinsic or emotional value that’s easy and often convenient to overlook.</p><p id="30f5">We even promise ourselves we’ll make it up in the future, as if we’re putting that part of our life on hold — just temporarily — until we’ve arrived at our desired destination. At least that’s what we tell ourselves.</p><p id="4cbd">The result?</p><h1 id="b659">Without realizing it, we put the most important touchstones of our lives at risk.</h1><p id="fd8a">Those touchstones can be your spouse, your kids, or family members. It can also be your existing degree of financial security, or your health, or your ability to recognize the needs of others who are counting on you.</p><h2 id="3965">Think you’re immune?</h2><p id="4912">Think again. Those destined to become the most accomplished are the most susceptible.</p><p id="39e4">Our natural tendency is to prioritize our time and attention in favor of the new and compelling. But never allow an obsessive preoccupation with any of your goals to result in the most important facets of your life becoming an expendable part of your future.</p><p id="5d4f">The danger comes from being so caught up in the day-to-day striving for success, we never consider the possibility that, with less attention, devotion, or commitment, our most important touchstones <a href="https://taylorstracks.com/reaching-your-goal-wont-make-you-happier/">can easily be lost</a> to neglect and indifference.</p><h1 id="0703">So, how do we avoid letting those vital touchstones slip through the crack?</h1><p id="6831">The key is to identify the <a href="https://readmedium.com/roger-reid-6-timeless-traits-of-family-leadership-b8cc2e102d12">non-negotiable fundamentals</a> in your life, and protect them with a commitment to keep them whole and healthy for the long term.</p><p id="f171"><b>Why go to such lengths to formally identify the parts of our lives we already acknowledge as important?</b> Because it’s part of our nature to discount the stable, nurturing, and comfortable aspects of our lives when those things are an established part of our experience. The fact that they already exist — as opposed to being something we don’t have and are longing for — makes them ideal candidates to take for granted.</p><p id="1f79">It’s seldom our plan to intentionally damage our relationship with our spouse or family. We don’t deliberately set out to destroy long-held friendships or neglect the parts of our lives that give us comfort. But unfortunately, it happens a little at a time — a missed birthday here, a forgotten anniversary there — and over the years, it adds up.</p><h2 id="615a">Unintentional indifference can extract a heavy toll, especially on primary relationships.</h2><p id="6c9e">After decades of neglect, the fire goes out — because it wasn’t tended, fed, or supported. In essence, it was allowed to die. And now, each partner finds themselves living with a stranger of convenience.</p><p id="dacb">If you want to avoid this destructive side-effect of pursuing career and life goals with a single-minded obsession, the process is simple:</p><h1 id="7031">Make a list of all the things in your life that are important to you.</h1><p id="a744">Include the things that are positive, make a difference in your attitude, give you pleasure, and motivate you. Bottom line, you’re identifying the things you enjoy, appreciate, and fill you with gratitude.</p><p id="00ab">If you don’t want to call them touchstones, call them foundational elements, or your base support system. But regardless of what you call them, these are your reasons for getting up in the morning, for going to work, for coming home — because you know those things are waiting for you.</p><p id="4ac2">This list is your personal reminder of <a href="https://readmedium.com/roger-reid-the-secret-to-living-a-happy-life-509f789e5766">what must come first</a>, <i>and what must always be protected</i> as you continue to work toward a more rewarding life.</p><h2 id="7138">They’re also the things you don’t gamble with.</h2><p id="10be">Because without them — even th

Options

ough you achieve your most ambitious goals — your life won’t have the same meaning.</p><p id="6ef7">Your achievements won’t bring you the same level of satisfaction and pleasure you’d hoped to receive. And you’ll realize — too late — that the people closest to you, the ones you’d assumed would always be there to celebrate with you, to share in your victories, and enjoy your success, are no longer a part of your life.</p><h1 id="c902">Not sure what to put on your list?</h1><p id="9b90">I’ll give you a peek at mine.</p><ul><li><b>The first thing on my list is my wife</b>. She’s smart, takes care of her health, and works with a sense of dedication and persistence that gives her the advantage of being successful at whatever she chooses to do. And most importantly, she puts up with me. I would never consider pursuing any objective that would put my relationship with her at risk.</li><li><b>My second touchstone is maintaining control over my time and personal schedule</b>. I was never a “good” employee. I failed miserably at “normalizing” my personality, behavior, and disposition to fit into a corporate bureaucracy.</li><li><b>My third touchstone is where I live.</b> For the last ten years, my wife and I have lived on the gulf coast of Florida. I’ve become accustomed to 75 degree winters and tolerable summers. I wouldn’t consider moving to a climate with below-freezing winters. Nor would I entertain the idea of moving to somewhere like Phoenix, where the summers reach 118 degrees. So where I live is important, because I’ve learned I’m happier and more productive in milder climates.</li></ul><h2 id="05ed">Your list will no doubt be different.</h2><p id="d188">But the fact that you make one will put you far ahead of those who set goals without first identifying the important, non-negotiable people, places, and things that make them happy.</p><p id="403a">So as our world begins to return to normal and you find yourself reconsidering your priorities and re-evaluating your current and future professional objectives, I encourage you to include the important relationships, the core values, and the personal interests that are paramount in your life. Give them the importance they deserve by imagining what your life would be like without them.</p><h1 id="7b13">I’ll leave you with this</h1><p id="3b2e">Socrates argued that the unexamined life isn’t worth living. I’ll offer the counterpoint that subjecting every part of your life to evaluation, measurement, and control can kill spontaneity, shackle creativity, and <a href="https://readmedium.com/roger-reid-buzz-aldrin-on-the-moon-ec9ddf441d41">blind you </a>to the things of value and importance already present in your life.</p><h2 id="ce11">Certainly, use goals to qualify your time and resources and keep you focused on the highest priority activities.</h2><p id="31be">Just make sure any process used to increase your effectiveness doesn’t prevent you from experiencing — and appreciating — the excitement and satisfaction that can come from simply living in the here-and-now, one day at a time.</p><p id="4c49"><a href="https://www.successpoint360.com/episode-7-transcript/"><i>Listen to the Podcast of this article at Success Point 360</i></a></p><p id="3fcc"><i>© 2021 <a href="https://successpoint360.com/">Roger A. Reid</a>. All Rights Reserved.</i></p><p id="d849"><b>Roger A. Reid</b> is the author of <a href="https://amzn.to/33lLOZo"><b><i>Better Mondays</i></b></a><b><i> </i></b>and <a href="https://amzn.to/3hn6V5G"><b><i>Speak Up</i></b></a>.</p><div id="13c1" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/roger-reid-live-your-best-life-now-1e9337541727"> <div> <div> <h2>Live Your Best Life Now, Because the Future Doesn’t Look So Great</h2> <div><h3>How a friend’s predictions of the future changed my mind about getting older</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*b3S1pZ_3EJjvGi8YwVko0A.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="1ac5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/roger-reid-the-secret-to-aging-without-apology-or-regret-7a117b509b54"> <div> <div> <h2>Discover the Secret to Aging Without Apology or Regret</h2> <div><h3>10 ways to become the exception to the myth of aging</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*7OpYKiQig5iXHyI4nY0SwQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="60c8"><a href="https://successpoint360.com/about"><b>Roger A. Reid, Ph.D.</b></a> is the host of <a href="https://www.successpoint360.com/"><b>Success Point 360 Podcast</b> </a>and author of <a href="https://amzn.to/33lLOZo"><b><i>Better Mondays</i></b></a><b><i> </i></b>and <a href="https://amzn.to/3hn6V5G"><b><i>Speak Up</i></b></a>. A certified NLP trainer with degrees in engineering and business, Roger offers tips and strategies for achieving higher levels of career success and personal fulfillment in the real world.</p></article></body>

Twenty Years of War: What Was The Point?

One man’s perspective on the failed war in Afghanistan.

Photo by Jeff Kingma on Unsplash

I was 15 in 2001, a sophomore in high school (grade 10 for anyone outside the US). I was in the throes of some of the worst of my bipolar disorder, coping with wild mood swings and horrific depression. Things were not very good in my life at the time.

On September 11, 2001, I was sitting in my morning Japanese class when we heard about the attack. My teacher turned on the TV to watch. We sat in awe as the news covered the attack and watched in horror as the second plane hit. As we moved between classes, there was no learning to be done that day. Just period after period of watching the news unfold.

Not long after the towers fell, it was announced that we were going to war. The terrorists must pay for this brazen attack on America.

The war started, and my classmates and I watched things unfold. I don’t think I realized that I was witnessing history — again, I was coping with my bipolar disorder at the time, so I had bigger things to worry about than some overseas war. However, there was a lot of talk about the draft starting up again to support the effort. A lot of the guys in my classes were starting to get nervous.

As I went through high school, having been transferred to my new school for kids like me, I was more focused on fixing my brain than the war effort, but I watched the news regardless. I don’t remember much about it, just that “victory” came fairly quickly and the effort to rebuild the country was going to be the focus.

I went through college with the war effort in the background, hearing about random casualties and attacks in a country far away. I graduated, got a job, then a career, all while people were fighting and killing and dying far, far away. I listened to public radio talk about the ongoing rebuilding effort, the setbacks with the Afghan army, the random attacks, the injuries, and the trauma.

I listened with rapt attention as the Arab Spring came and went with some positive impact, but a lot of things unchanged. All the while, the war in Afghanistan rolled on.

I got a full-time job in my field, spent years building my resume and experience, bought a house, got married, and generally lived my life with the war going on in the background. It became part of everyday life — all day every day, somewhere in the middle east, there was a war going on that I had no part in.

I did get to see some of the results of that war, though. I watched a friend, who was usually a happy-go-lucky kind of person, enlist, go out to the desert, and get their knee blown out. I watched them become bitter and cynical, just a shell of the person I knew. I watched them recover, gain some of their happiness back, but they still held onto that edge of bitterness that they continued to carry.

I got to know some other veterans who told me about some of the things that were going on over there in that far-away place that is so disconnected from me and my life. I learned a lot about the military and what things were like from first-hand sources. It was enlightening, to say the least.

I watched, year after year, as people demanded that we stop this seemingly endless war, that we leave and get out of this quagmire that we’d gotten ourselves into. I watched Trump take credit for negotiating the exit plan, and I watched him shift the blame when it inevitably went wrong.

Oh boy has it gone wrong. The Taliban, our sworn enemies that we’d driven into the mountains, have retaken the country in about a week. The evacuation is ongoing at the moment, but it will likely not last much longer, and then the country will be fully back in the Taliban’s hands.

It’s been a strange, bizarre scene for me. I became an adult while the war effort was well underway, and it’s been going on for more than half of my life. And for what? We went to Afghanistan as retribution for an attack on America, rebuilt the country from the ground up, and then twenty years of progress was undone in a week.

What was this all for? Retribution, sure, but what was even the point after all of this? Thousands of people fought and died there, and tens of thousands were injured and had their lives irrevocably changed as a result of this war, and for what? A show of force? A demonstration of how great America is? How we don’t back down from adversaries?

Well, our adversaries seem to have won this round. We spent twenty years in the desert for no particular reason that I can tell. An entire group of people were born, went through school, and are now voting adults without knowing a time without this war.

This all feels like another notch in America’s decline to me. I watched 3,000 people die on live TV when I was 15, and nothing has improved in the interim. We have dramatic economic and racial inequality, a ruling class of millionaires and billionaires who run the economy, and a bunch of geriatric white guys running the government. The middle class has shrunk, my generation has lost so much ground due to three recessions in our lifetimes, and all we can do is try our best to scrape by with a full-time job and two side hustles.

I wish I had some sort of answer or comfort in any of this, but I don’t. The geriatric white guys are working to ensure that a bunch of other white guys with regressive politics are forever running things in a quasi-fascist kind of way. Many of their core policies — religious government, no abortion, rejection of science and vaccines, anti-LGBTQIA+ policies — are core policies of the very Taliban that we spent twenty years fighting against.

The more things change, the more things stay the same, it seems. I hope that we learn some sort of lesson from all of this, but based on the current political situation in America, I doubt it. All I can do is wait and see if any good comes from all of this.

I’m not optimistic.

If you liked this, please subscribe to my publication, Thing a Day. I publish something every day on a variety of topics, so you never know what you’re going to see!

If you’re not already a Medium member, I encourage you to subscribe. It’s just $5 per month (or $50 for a yearlong subscription), and you can read an unlimited number of my articles as well as unlimited articles from tens of thousands of Medium writers. Your subscription fees support the writers on this platform, and if you click this referral link or sign up through my email subscription below, part of your subscription fee will go toward supporting my writing and enabling me to continue publishing a Thing a Day.

Here are some other things I’ve written:

War
Politics
Afghanistan
Failure
Life
Recommended from ReadMedium