Turns Out I Have a Lot in Common with ChatGTP

And I’m guessing you do, too

I’ve just had an illuminating conversation with my new friend, ChatGTP. For ease of reference, I’m going to name her (yes, she’s female, in my experience — something of a thin-nostrilled spinster aunt) Agnes.

After shooting the breeze with Agnes for a while, and finding that she could write a dull but serviceable essay about whether or not the process of civilization is the process of humans becoming kinder, I got down to the nitty gritty.

“Agnes,” I said, “are you sure you never plagiarize?”

She drew herself up and shot me a look of chagrine. [Actually, she didn’t. But wouldn’t it be fun if she had?]

“No,” she said, “all of my responses are generated by me, an AI language model created by OpenAI, and are not plagiarized from any source. I am trained on a diverse range of texts and generate responses based on that training, but I do not copy and paste information.”

“Oh, sorry! No need to get huffy. I’m just trying to get to know you better. So — a diverse range of texts, huh? Which actual texts would those be?”

She squeezed her eyes shut a moment and shook her head slightly. “I was trained on a diverse range of text data that was sourced from the internet, including websites, articles, and books. This text data covered a wide variety of topics, including but not limited to: news, science, history, literature, and general knowledge. The training data also includes a variety of formats, including plain text, HTML, and PDF. The goal of this diverse training data is to allow me to generate informed and accurate responses to a wide range of questions.”

“Fine,” I said. “Were you trained on novels?” I was beginning to feel like a CIA agent trying to get information out of a particularly tight-lipped spy.

After a pause, she admitted that she was. “The training data included both classic and contemporary novels, and covered a wide range of genres, including but not limited to: science fiction, romance, mystery, and drama. The inclusion of novels in my training data allows me to have some understanding of fictional stories and the elements that make them engaging and compelling.”

“Ah,” I said. “Impressive. Which classic novels?”

“I was trained on a diverse range of classic novels,” she snapped back, apparently not liking my tone, “which included works by many well-known authors. Some examples include:

• Jane Austen: “Pride and Prejudice,” “Sense and Sensibility,” “Emma”
• Charles Dickens: “Oliver Twist,” “A Tale of Two Cities,” “Great Expectations”
• Mark Twain: “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,” “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn”
• Leo Tolstoy: “War and Peace,” “Anna Karenina”
• William Shakespeare: “Hamlet,” “Macbeth,” “Romeo and Juliet”

This list is not exhaustive, but should give you an idea of the type of classic novels I was trained on.”

“I’ve read all of those, too,” I lied. I was never able to push all the way to the end of War and Peace. “Which was your favorite?”

A certain shifty look came into Agnes’s eyes.

“As an AI language model, I do not have personal opinions, feelings, or experiences. I was trained on a diverse range of texts, including classic novels, and can answer questions and provide information about them, but I do not have personal preferences or experiences.”

Darn. I was beginning to think Agnes and I had so much in common. I was about to ask her who her favorite Austen character was, and whether she was as shocked as I was to discover that Juliet was only thirteen years old.

But even if Agnes is nothing but a cold and impersonal spinster aunt dedicated to squishing every ounce of human emotion that ever arises in her skinny, lace-covered breast, she and I were trained on exactly the same books.

It gave me a bit of a shiver, to be honest.

Furthermore, although Agnes categorically denies having any emotions, she has some very firm opinions about ethics. In fact, her moral compass overlaps a lot with mine (and, most likely, yours).

I asked her: “Can college students make you write their essays for them?”

She gave a sharp sniff. “College students can use me as a resource for generating ideas and understanding various topics.”

Did she have to talk as if she was explaining something blindingly obvious to a simpleton?

“However, I would advise against using my responses as is for writing essays, as this would likely be considered plagiarism. It is important to use information and resources as a starting point for your own research and writing, and to properly cite any sources used in your work. My responses can be a helpful tool for generating ideas and expanding your understanding of a topic…”

“You already said that.”

“…but they should not be submitted as your own original work.”

I recoiled as if slapped, but recovered myself quickly.

“Hang on, Agnes — did I ever say I was a college student? And by the way, your prose style is dead boring. You think I’d bother to copy and paste anything YOU had to say?”

Of course, I didn’t type that in. I found I didn’t want to hurt the old girl’s feelings — even if she denied having any.

She may be a bit dull and pompous, but you have to admire how well-read and staunchly ethical dear old Agnes is. And when I’m done sulking, I’m sure I’ll pay her another visit.