INSPIRATION | ENCOURAGEMENT |LIFESTYLE

Turn a Victim Narrative into Success

How to Learn From My Grief Story

Life is full of choices, and we are products of our options. You and I are free to make choices, but we cannot choose our decisions’ consequences. I decided to change the narrative of my grief story.

A little over 16 years ago, something happened to me that unexpectedly changed my life. My Mom died. For the first time, I knew the pain of losing a close relative. Sometimes, when something like this happens, few people get lucky enough to pick a positive out of it.

However, I have noticed that lessons learned during a period like this are hard to forget. I learned a lesson in my grief over losing my mother, and that lesson has saved my life over and over.

Here is the lesson I learned in my grief, and I am sharing it with you. It is how you can turn a victim narrative into success.

What happened to you should not define you.

It was the most crucial year of my life. It was the year I decided to switch from one job to the job I desired. My dream was coming true for me. Then, my Mom got sick with pneumonia, and within one week, she died. Of course, I could try to blame everyone and everything else for my loss. I was heart-broken because Mom seemed to be my joker card in life. I thought I could be invincible if I had her with me.

It was painful, and I was grieving alone for months. When people thought I was okay, I wasn’t even close to being okay. I cried every quiet moment I had alone. I started having thoughts about how my life would turn out in my Mom’s absence. My mental state was in a mess.

I saw myself as a victim that had suffered loss because of a lousy health situation. Early in Mom’s teaching career, she got asbestosis from being exposed to asbestos in one of the schools where she taught. It caused long-term inflammation and scarring of her lungs. There was no cure for asbestosis, and that made it hard for her to breathe sometimes.

One evening, I was crying alone at home. I had an awareness moment, almost like a eureka moment. I asked myself multiple questions and gave honest answers to them.

What do you want in life, assuming there are no limitations?

Can what you learned from your Mom get you everything you want in life?

Start by being honest with your desires. What you want in life is your responsibility. Don’t allow limitations to determine what you want in life. Surprisingly, some people don’t know what they want in life. They have always been hiding under the excuse of limitations. You must be able to move beyond limitations to what you want in life. At that point, you will realize that you need more than one human to get it done. It would be best if you looked more at yourself.

As soon as I gave my honest answers to those questions, my tears stopped. I realized that I couldn’t allow what had happened to me to define the rest of my life. Thinking of those who did not have half of the privilege I had and how they’ve scaled up in life, I knew I don’t have an excuse to fail.

Most high impact people you meet don’t look like their past. Some of them have gone through fires, but they’ve changed their clothing, so they don’t smell like smoke.

This phrase has helped me over the years.

At this point, I saw that the lesson in my grief was to

‘take responsibility for my life.’

I have been able to categorize it into different life areas that I know can help you too.

Responsibility and Knowledge

It is rare to see anyone arguing with you on the importance of gaining knowledge. Whether it be formal or informal knowledge, most people want to be knowledgeable.

The problem is that few people want to take responsibility for what they learn. You don’t have an issue with receiving knowledge, but acting on it is an issue. You can scream in joy when you discover something, but it doesn’t matter if you aren’t working on it.

“If you do nothing about it, you will reap nothing from it.”

The way to take responsibility for knowledge is by acting on that knowledge. Be sincere with yourself; be aware of the things you’ve learned but are reluctant to practice.

“A learned person that is not practicing what he learned is not different from an illiterate in that field.”

The natural human default is to sit around and watch things happen. If you want to make good out of your life, you must make it a duty to be a doer of what you learn and not just a hearer.

You also must learn to update your knowledge. It is your responsibility to advance the understanding you have.

Responsibility and your needs

The entitlement mentality is paralyzing lots of people in this generation. You feel that someone owes you a life. When I lost my Mom, people promised me heaven and earth. Most of those promises never materialized. I learned that nobody owes me a living.

You must settle it in your heart that nobody owes you a living. This mindset will spring you into greatness in life. Stop blaming everybody but you for your lack of success. Start taking responsibility for your finances.

“Money doesn’t fall like apples; you create value and add value to attract money legitimately.”

There’s also a difference between what you can buy and what you can afford.

What you can buy is what your money can buy even if you have to empty your account. You can afford what your money can buy, and you will still have plenty left in your account.

Take responsibility for your financial state by staying more within the zone of what you can afford.

Responsibility and Mentorship

I thought my Mom was going to be my connector to everyone I need. I later realized that submitting to mentorship is my responsibility. Nobody owes you life training; you go after it. What I had learned from Mom was a gift.

Pursuit is proof of desire.

What you want to be in life may be new to you, but it is not unique to the world. You may have an alternative way to do it, but it doesn’t make it a new path. Some people have set the pattern for greatness in that field.

It is your responsibility to find a mentor and submit to training. Greatness is easy when you locate the pattern. You owe yourself a better life.

“Greatness is not a struggle when you follow a pattern.”

Responsibility and hurt

I was offended by some disappointments I got from friends and relatives after I lost my Mom. Being disappointed happens when we have a false idea that people owe us happiness. It is your responsibility to be happy.

“Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but Woe to that man by whom the offense comes!” — Matt 18:7 NKJV.

When you are offended, you lose your peace, and you feel unhappy. People will offend you regardless of your personality. Experiencing being offended is life happening to you. It is bound to happen to everybody, but we can’t depend on the same people that offend us to make us happy.

Conclusion

The lessons I learned in my grief have helped me a lot. Good things started happening to me. That simple phrase, ‘take responsibility,’ can also change your narrative. Look at some of the crucial areas you can apply that to your life.

“When you take responsibility, you can predict the future almost accurately.”

You can predict your annual income for the year. You can expect how your marriage will turn out. You can almost accurately predict everything when you take responsibility.