STRATEGIES TO QUIT

Trying to Quit Drinking? Now’s the Time to Be Kind and Patient With Yourself

If not now, when?

“What do I want for the rest of my life?”

“My plan was not to drink, but I made Cosmos and got tipsier than I’ve been in a long time. They seemed so harmless. I’m so ashamed, and yet I know I shouldn’t be because alcohol is so addicting, and I clearly have become addicted. God, please help me.” — entry from my journal at 8:30 p.m. — Eight months before I quit drinking for good.

I was so disgusted with myself.

I’d had enough of drinking yet, wasn’t quite ready to quit, though I’d stopped twice before for several months each time.

What did I learn from quitting and from failing? That quitting was hard.

What did I learn from quitting and having success with being alcohol-free?

Kindness. Patience. Goodness. You heard that right.

Sure, we’re fed up with our “weakness.” Does beating up on ourselves help? Does berating and shaming ourselves work?

You know the answer — of course not.

Be kind to yourself, always. Be patient and good to yourself. Understand that you did not choose addiction. No one does. You wanted peace from the pain, the insecurities you felt, or whatever you deemed was wrong with you.

A new start

That’s what you want. You want to start again.

You want sobriety—or perhaps, moderation. Yet you meet with resistance. No matter what we want to achieve, there is resistance — for various reasons.

There is psychological resistance — fear that quitting will be too hard. Physical resistance — you see someone having your favorite drink, and you want it, too. Resistance from people who tell you, “You’re not that bad,” or “One drink won’t hurt.”

Have patience with yourself. You’re making new choices, and change can be difficult.

Be kind to yourself. There are many ways to be kind. I’m sure you know what pleases you, what helps you feel good, and what you need. Seek it out.

Imagination

When quitting the drink, I envisioned myself sitting at my computer writing about my sober journey. I pictured myself as a strong, confident woman.

I saw myself interacting with others at parties, enjoying an alcohol-free drink regardless of what others were consuming.

I visualized myself at my art table, creating collages representing my life, my sons, and my dreams.

Can you see yourself as a successful entrepreneur or in a loving relationship? Picture yourself assured, healthy, and robust, living the life you imagine for yourself.

You know you are 100% present when in conversation with others, as your mind is not foggy or distracted due to ethanol in your system.

Feel this with your heart and body. Soon you will be living this life.

No, it’s not just a matter of picturing yourself sober. It takes work. For most of you, tough work.

If you can dream it, you can do it. — Anonymous (often erroneously attributed to Walt Disney.)

I read a truckload of quit lit that motivated and buoyed me in the two years it took me to free myself from alcohol. Here are my ten favorites.

And a few more ideas:

1. Write down your reasons for quitting. — Perhaps, your love life is suffering, or you want to excel at work, and you know alcohol is holding you back. I’m sure you know why you’re ready to be AF.
2. Eliminate temptation. — My husband wasn’t interested in quitting drinking, so I couldn’t remove the alcohol from our home, but I did make rules, such as — do not leave alcohol out in view, don’t ask me to make you a drink or buy it for you. If you’re alone and can dump all the booze — go for it. There’s no reason to keep it around calling your name.
3. Try affirmations — These are wonderful and support your vision of your new AF self. Try “I, James, am a happy non-drinker.” Or, “I, Susan, love how I look and feel in my new sober body.” You get the idea.
4. Find support. — Close friends and family are the obvious choices, and most times, they are willing and want to help you achieve sobriety. Other options could be a 12-step group, SMART Recovery, a therapist, or in or out-patient recovery facility.
5. Try new activities. — I decided since I was getting healthy by being alcohol-free, I also wanted to increase my exercise routine by hiking longer and higher, walking further distances, beginning a weight-lifting routine, and playing pickleball. You could try a creative endeavor, such as sketching, painting, gardening, or cooking. The opportunities are endless.

Keep adding to these ideas as you progress. Journaling is another way to support you and to get your feelings down on paper. This is also a great way to formulate more ideas to help you find sobriety and stay AF.

Drop your regret, shame, and guilt. Those feelings are not helpful. You are working hard to get alcohol out of your life. Give yourself credit.

Remember, always kindness. You deserve it.

If you need help quitting drinking, call your local alcohol abuse hotline or SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration) at 1–800–662-HELP (4357).