Trying to Avoid Focusing on Myself
Fighting cancer while reminding myself that other people also struggle
I was diagnosed with metastatic brain cancer in April of 2021. That suddenly defined my life. Not because I wanted it to, but because dealing with it suddenly took up huge chunks of my life.
I remember talking to older people throughout my life and being exasperated because their conversations seem to focus on a few topics. I hated how they often seemed to fixate on their ailments.
To be fair, this is not just older people — I’ve had younger friends, some just in their 20s, who are focused on negativity — whether health complaints or some other issue.
None of this makes someone popular.
I know this.
Yet, now that I am dealing with cancer, I find myself often veering in the same direction.
When people ask me how I am doing, it’s hard for me not to tell them about my latest cancer test results or treatment options I am trying to help with residual pain.
To be fair, friends often WANT to know. They genuinely care about me and so they ask.
However, am I also showing them how much I care about them?
Yes, fighting cancer is tough. But other people are also dealing with tough things. Maybe the flu doesn’t seem as awful as cancer, but for the person who is sick — it can be pretty miserable. And if the person is elderly or they are nursing a sick child — well, they need empathy, not a sort of one-upmanship on the misery index.
I knew this the first time I got cancer, back when I was in my 30s.
I would take long walks in the fresh air and sunshine. I knew this would help my body fight cancer.
I walked by myself, at a moderate pace that was easy on my body, around a local lake which attracted wildlife. I would use the time to commune with nature and with God.
I loved to watch various birds, from water fowl like geese, herons, and the occasional pelican, to red-wing blackbirds. There was a resident beaver with a dam he kept adding to. There were rabbits and wild turkey. It was a great place for a walk.
While I walked out, I would pray for myself — for healing and for help. While I walkd back — I prayed for others.
I found that removing the focus from myself actually helped me fight the cancer better, because it helped me realize that I was not the only one suffering. By having empathy for others, I took better care of myself.
There are times this time around when I feel I am focused too much on myself. I feel that I am too needy. Yet, I also know that I am physically more fragile and I sometimes need the help. It’s OK to ask for it, a lesson I’ve had a hard time learning.
However, none of this absolves me from having compassion for others.
So I ask friends about their lives. I sympathize with their sorrow and celebrate with their joys. By doing so, I embrace the community I belong to and feel a sense of connection. By giving more, I become richer.
I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you would like to help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.