Trying to Achieve Masculinity Will Only Result in the Opposite Effect

And the things it’s not

Men are too concerned about catering to the expectations and standards of society.

As men, we’re conditioned at a young age there are qualities acceptable for men, and some that are not.

Guess what happens when there is an aspect of you that is considered by society not acceptable? You don’t feel good enough.

This insecurity causes young men to chase idealized notions of masculinity. We do things that aren’t aligned with our values.

There might even be times that we accidentally hurt ourselves or others in a vain pursuit of what society expects of men.

A lot of us guys are out there trying to be more manly, masculine, macho, or whatever but we don’t even really know what any of that means.

As far as masculinity is concerned it is defined as having qualities associated with men or boys. That doesn’t really help us figure things out.

What masculinity is not

Being masculine is not a belief system.

It’s not about taking in external information and basing a system of ideas on it. You’re not having to constantly believe you’re masculine, because that just reinforces the idea that you aren’t.

It’s not about having material wealth, possessions, or relationships. Owning things considered manly doesn’t work.

Masculinity is not being a “gentleman”. It’s not being chivalrous. Those are concepts defined by society as well and don’t serve us.

Physical qualities associated with the colloquial definition of masculinity don’t count either. These are temporary things that we can lose.

All of the activities that men are drawn to don’t count either. Doing masculine things doesn’t make you masculine either.

Masculinity is not comprised of a set of traits either. What happens if you can’t meet one of the requirements? Does that make you less masculine?

Personal traits such as logic, analytical, ruggedness, provider, dominance, and strength are great to have, but men and women can possess the same character traits.

Traits, attributes, beliefs, possessions, and all that nonsense don’t make up a person.

Self-acceptance is at the core

A man who is truly masculine is not worried about whether he fits this definition. It all boils down to self-acceptance.

He’s not trying to do “manly” things or pander to society.

What is considered masculine and feminine varies for everyone. The fluctuating beliefs of what it means to be a man cannot create a strong foundation. It’s pointless to chase masculinity.

The harder you try the less you will succeed.

I’ve always felt the most masculine when I stopped caring about the judgments of others.

As I have been doing the inner work to be more self-accepting, I feel more masculine.

Whether or not someone approves of you is irrelevant as long as you approve of yourself. That is where true masculinity (and femininity) come from.

The masculine man accepts his good qualities and flaws but always seeks to grow.

Resilience

Resilience is the second fundamental aspect of a man.

It’s the attitude of getting back up after getting knocked down again. A man who can accept himself has the strength to be resilient.

If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt. — Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Even accepting his life circumstances is crucial. He can’t grow and change without admitting his faults and mistakes.

He has to have a clear vision of his goals. To get to where he wants to go, he must be willing to take ownership of his life.

Act and don’t make excuses. Excuses only serve to protect us. In the long term, they stunt our growth and often negatively impact our lives.

Action requires bravery and risk-taking.

A masculine man accepts whatever outcome in life from the risks taken. It doesn’t mean he has to be okay with it.

Masculinity is the raw energy behind self-acceptance and resilience. This entire idea can be applied to femininity also, but at the same time, men and women are different.

If you were truly masculine, you wouldn’t have to try. You wouldn’t make any pointless attempts to look or act “more masculine”.

Drop the limiting beliefs in your head about who you think you are.

You’re already good enough.